Wings of a Snow White Dove

Dang the Day is Almost Over!

2006-03-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

Hello.

Well more flags fell down today. Its pretty sad really.

The meeting that I was in for started at 9am and I came out just on 11:07am. What a meeting. Well actually it was kinda boring and nothing mentioned about Programme Assistant, however they were discussing programme items this afternoon and no one other than Heather was required to be there. So no news that I can tell you about that, sorry. I'm in the dark as much as you.

However Maria gets up and has a whole list of things she wants for the kitchen. It was very funny. Like an extra chest fridge and a table so she can write. Hello, where does she have the room for it?!! We all kinda we silently chuckling away to ourselves. But it sounds like uniform will change within the next year and by this time next year HA allowance may raise to 60 a week.

After leaving the meeting I went out to Brent Cross and really don't understand what all the fuss was about!! The place is an overcrowded hell hole if you ask me! I spent about two and a half hours out there and I got my jeans (went into about six different stores) plus a new top. So an entire outfit for 21 pounds!! Brilliant! The jeans are very comfy too. And the top isn't usually a colour I go for but I like it. When I wear it I'll get someone to take my photo and you'll see it. I also went into Marks and Spencer's in search of a bra and found one which I brought and had to guess at the size because well, our sizing is slightly different!! But spot on with the guess, its fits lovely.

Came back and had a snooze (still trying to catch up on sleep!) and then went out to eat with Shanna who has just come back from staying with friends. Ate at the Milkshake place and then stopped at the Vic on the way home so we could both get a new phone card. I'll all set for Sunday's call now! Yay!

Oh and your parcel arrived today. I recognised the Rank Rhino box and laughed!! Thank you for the post card and the letter and the sweethearts and the Arby's sauce!! Yay!!!! Anyhows, I want to go clean my room a little, I've clothes and bags sort of everywhere. Its not that bad, it just seems worse because I have a mattress on the floor!! Besides, there's a line for the computer.

Hope your day went well, or is going well considering you still have the better part of an afternoon left!!

Rachael

Hey Hey No Sunshine Today! Good Ol London!

2006-03-18T08:21:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!!

How you doing today?

So I read your linguistics paper and for the most part I knew what you were talking about! Yes! I was so happy about that. It wasn't until I printed it off that I thought 'What if I don't understand it? How dumb would I feel?' but that's okay. I got it. Yet having never done anything like it I wouldn't know what to tell you about if its any good as a paper per say. But I liked it and I doubt I'll ever think so simply of the word father again...

You know once in grade 3 I was making a Father's Day card but me with my bad spelling and all actually made a Happy Farters Day card... I was so embarrassed, even the teacher laughed at me.

My alarm went off this morning and I went 'It's My Day Off!' and really didn't want to get out of bed. I'm sitting here in my uniform as usual because Doreen thought it would give a better impression. Fooey. It better not go all morning. Grrr.

Hey more flags came down during the night. Australia is out for the count!!

We have a new world flag and a new (green) Pax Lodge flag. They get flown on the pole for the first time today which is kinda cool. The material for the Pax Lodge flag is actually white! I wonder how long that will last?

Now I'm just dribbling on about boring stuff so I am going to head off. Enjoy the day and I shall return later at some point, depending on what time I get back from Brent Cross and if I eat out or not. I really am not in the mood for Pax Food.

Later,
Rachael :-)

Kissing the Cook

2006-03-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

Hi There,

First and most importantly. I am not going anywhere tonight so you call if you want to!! I have told you, call anytime you want or need to. I don't have a social life, remember? At least not with these guys! Too wild for my liking.

Secondly, nothing is going to stop me coming to the basement to write you, not even broken door locks!! My knees are fine today, my left was still a little sore this morning (the badder one of the two) but now I am fine and back to normal. It just takes time that's all and it usually means I have to almost completely stop. I wouldn't have been able to function as a HA yesterday!

Now, onto the other stuff. A-hem. Excuse me (burping) dinner is repeating on me already! Goodness! Actually it wasn't that bad, for fish night at least and we've a few people in house still here from the States so it was good company too.

I think the sudden bout of crying and feeling lonely is because I've been so tired. Today is a good day. I don't know if it was homesickness as such, just missing Melbourne that's all. Its a really nice city.

I'm well aware that I didn't have to send the shirts. But I wanted to. I know for your part Pax Lodge was a huge part of your life and I know your mum got a kick out of the place and well I just thought your dad needed another Pax shirt for his collection. Didn't think pink was his colour, though it did suit Roy! I was so glad they arrived on the 15th! Makes it even more special!! And besides, you guys send me stuff too so I am only returning the favour. If I could figure out how to post myself then I'd do it!

And sort of on that topic, Breanne has decided to take on the Office Assistant position.

I didn't tell you about Maria? During one of her ranting moments she was going on about kissing people and how she wanted to kiss me but I wasn't a boy so she didn't think kissing me was a good idea because she's an older woman and all and it doesn't give a good impression. However, she's now overly paranoid about it and keeps apologising.

Until next time,
Me :-)

Bedtime is Afoot

2006-03-16T22:19:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

So the day is finally over which is good. Its been a long one and I think that I'll be in bed earlier than normal just to try recover. The house itself was kind of quiet but it was just a matter of trying to clear all the every day work that had piled up over the past two or three days because normal routine has been thrown out the window!

We had a group of 19 Canadians come in today for a house tour. Between the 19 of them, they spent more than 660 Pounds!! That's more that what we got in the shop till all day yesterday! It was unbelievable! Breanne came and told me the final total and if I hadn't of felt so worn out, I would have passed out!

I really am glad the t-shirts arrived on the 15th, I was hoping they would but didn't hold my breath with how the postal system has been going.

This evening pretty much everyone has gone to the theatre. I'm both glad that I didn't go and also a little disappointed. I would love to have seen A Man For all Seasons (story about Henry the 8th I believe) but realistically it would have been too much for my knees. I've spent most of this evening lying down and not moved anywhere. Tomorrow I should be fine.

However, staying behind has allowed me to watch some of the coverage of the Commonwealth Games, it's the first day and I've managed to see some! I've enjoyed it because they show some shots of Melbourne every now and again, plus they held up the Melbourne newspaper I used to look at each day! It was like seeing a friend from the past! In some regards it's made me a little homesick but not in the normal sense.

I remember going through a point similar to this in late august early September. I got homesick for my city as opposed to the people there. Melbourne really is a great city, we can offer so much but in a different way that London can. Just little things I miss. Seeing some of the arena's is kind of nice too. But I miss Melbourne itself. The buildings, the green parks and the skyline. The little things I took for granted most days as I went to work. I need a Melbourne hit! Perhaps its just a feeling that seeing it on TV has stirred up again.

My mattress remains on my floor, I've decided it can stay there until I get my other bed. There is no point moving it back, I would imagine that at some stage during next week or shortly there after it will get changed over. Or at least that is my hope!

Anyhows, I am heading off to bed.Good night and sweet dreams.

Me

P.S We told Doreen what Maria said about her in the Tshirt. Doreen responded by reminded my that she wasn't the one Maria was wanting to kiss!! Good Grief I'll never live that down!!

Hey There!!

2006-03-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

Hello Kathy!!

I know I know I was meant to sit down at some stage and tell you all about Thinking Day. I haven't gotten that far yet. Sorry. Or maybe I did do it, and I've just forgotten...

Yes. The Seminar. It is kind of exciting. Plus for five days I get to act like I'm not a staff member, it will be wonderful!! Actually Erin from Canada and Tricia from NSW are also taking part in it. I'm looking forward to everything I can gain from it by taking part with such a diverse group of women. I've seen the list of attendees and they're coming from quite a few places!

I managed to catch a little of the Commonwealth Games this evening and saw some lovely city skyline. Is it wrong to miss Melbourne and not much else?!! I love the fact that Melbourne is so different to London. I mean I miss people too, but no where near to the extent that I thought I would. Okay I have moments, but in all honesty most of the time I feel I miss Melbourne more!! A part of me wishes I could have still be home for the Commonwealth Games. And my grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary which was on the 10th. And my pals 21st...okay now I've started on all the things I was going to be back for!

You're never too old and rickety to travel. And Ireland was only the 2nd time to leave the country!! So I haven't been too far yet! Louise wants me to go to Amsterdam with her at the end of April. I told her to find out how much it would cost because I am on a huge budget restraint!! I was supposed to be back home earning money by now!!

The 15th Anniversary was exhausting. Amazing, but exhausting. It ended up being a 15 hour day with only a half hour break. The rest of the time I was on my feet and I am paying for it today. I feel about 200 years old, my knees are about to give way on me! However, it was a fantastic day and emotional at some points! Randomly burst into tears between the buffet and the formal speeches, but I survived. Actually, I managed to compose my emotions until the last paragraph of my speech and then I was really struggling. I ended up crying a little. Thanks to Janis Whitber I was able to compose myself and finish. I had two staff members out howling in the next room and Scottie went out to comfort them and ended up in tears herself!! We could hear them!!

Um whatever it is you are to keep quiet about must be quiet, I don't have the faintest idea what that is! It could be any number of things!

Don't move too quickly, you'll start to forget where you left things!!

Take care Kathy and we'll talk soon,

Much love,
Rachael

P.S I am so excited by the 4 world centres tour Guides Oz is putting on!! I am dealing with some of the paperwork for it and I am so envious!! Arghh!! Like the names on that list that I know. WELL DONE!!! You got Brenda to go International THIS IS FANTASTIC!! aww I am so excited about it...

The Morning After

2006-03-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

You know this is going to be the second old day I've had since I've been here! Two in Nine months now that's a great thing! More than anything I think it was the fact I was on my feet all day yesterday.

A general time frame of the day went something along the lines of getting into the kitchen at 7:55am. At 11am we took a walk to the Conference room and then back into the kitchen. Worked right through guests lunch and sat down for half an hour around 2pm. From there it was straight working right through until 6:50pm when I dash upstairs and showered and changed to be back down at 7:03pm. At around 7:20 I decided it was time to sit down and have a cry which was then followed by a 7 minute run through of my speech. 8:09pm I sat down and ate some of the food I'd spent all day making. The formalities started at 8:45pm and come 9pm I got up for my speech. The formalities were over by 9:45pm. The kitchen was locked and closed and clean by 11:15pm at which point I went upstairs.

That in a nutshell was my anniversary day!!

But it wasn't so bad. The morning was fine but Maria's brother in law or who ever it was never showed up so the afternoon was a complete nightmare. Maria made Breanne cry. We were cooking right up until it was time to take a shower. However the final product was great and there was a truck load of food and everyone liked it so that's the main thing.

The great laugh of the day came when Maria was talking about the t-shirts we had on. She said they were really nice because they were fitted and they made us look sexy because we were all young women blah blah blah and then something came up about Breanne dressing like an old woman. The conversation then went on about the shirts and Maria declares "I didn't realise Doreen had such big tits". Yep, the anniversary shirts summed up by the cook. We just roared out laughing and everyone heard it! I'm not sure those words have reached Doreen yet, but I'm sure she'd see the funny side to it.

I think we had about 110 people come through last night. There were people everywhere. Former staff, Guiding people, committee people, American Pax Friends, Camden Council people - the works. Even Glen from next door came but he said Robbie was out of town.

Now, the speech. I'd rehearsed it many times and I didn't get so emotional in the practice runs!! I sort of lost the hold on my emotions towards the end. Janis Whitber ended up holding my hand just to calm me a little. I made it through though and I think I had everyone in the room in tears. Three left because they were like howling! I even had Jacquie come up afterwards and tell me she doesn't get emotional about things, but that made her cry. I don't actually remember giving it!! I remember walking up to the mike and I remember the last paragraph but aside from that the only thing I can remember is me telling myself not to look at Doreen and I can't remember why!

Some of the American ladies want copies and apparently it's being published somewhere...one of the old volunteers, Beryl I think, asked if I was going to make a living as a writer. So a fair few mixed responses!

I have lots of photos, well as many as possible to take but we're going to compile a CD of all the photos from staff camera's so that everyone can have an overview of what went on for the day.

I'm glad the parcel arrived yesterday!! I was hoping it would arrive on the 15th!! Do the shirts fit everyone, because if not I can change them for the right size. It was kinda hard figuring out who would fit into what! The two other things should arrive in the next couple of days. I think one was a letter and the other will be photos.

The Commonwealth Games started yesterday. My home town put on a great show apparently. I'm hoping one of the relatives taped it for me or something!

The Pax Lodge Team meeting starts today and ends on Saturday I think. So if the decision about Programme Assistant has been made, this will be the time when its announced. We shall see what the next few days bring.

Until next Time,

Rachael

Pax Lodge 15th Anniversary Speech

2006-03-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

If I sit still long enough, I can hear them. The ghosts of summer past. In the quietness of the dining room after midnight as I sit with my mug of warm Horlics, I can almost feel the life pulsate in the room. Images of past memories flood my mind. I can hear the laughter, the insane cackling of tired house assistants after a long day. Dinner for a full house and then clean up. There is singing, even if it is bad, and yet no one cares. There is a dance created for the sole purpose of not colliding with another comrade. A hustle and bustle of madness that only someone who has experienced it could fully understand. I can feel myself smile at the distant memory.

Then I begin to wonder that maybe, just maybe; these aren’t just my summer ghosts. I wonder that perhaps some how there is a part of everyone still in the building, just like there is a part of Pax Lodge in the heart of every staff member, every volunteer. Even perhaps every guest.

As this thought crosses my mind I suddenly can picture the summer of session participants leaving bits of lettuce or cheese squished on the dining room floor after making their packed lunches. I can picture food in the most obscure places after a house full of brownies have eaten a meal. Morning teas of conference attendees asking for more milk or indeed just asking about us and what we do. The room holds many memories, some public and some just the staff are aware of. All of those that I have I am sure there have been many ghosts from the past see them too, perhaps silently they have been there as well, smiling.

Decidedly I realise that perhaps it’s time I go to bed and be rested for a new day, what ever it may bring. I pass from the dining room, through to reception where I stop and pause at the shut office door. Beyond it lies a room, which has become the second part of my Pax Lodge story. In the silence of my mind I hear the phone ring, I can hear someone on the other end asking about a room upgrade or availability. I can picture myself sitting at the desk as Erin Gow declares she’d dropped the recycling key in the can bin. I can see Janet walk past the reception window a dozen times like one of those ducks in a target gallery. There’s the lingering of staff waiting for the mailman, although I too am guilty of waiting for him. Various memories of checking in guests, in fact my very first check in were a Japanese Family who spoke very Basic English.

Reception also holds the saddest of memories, farewells to staff whose time at Pax Lodge has come to an end. The sound of a tear streaked chorus of the Pax Lodge song is enough to send me on my way. I don’t want to linger in the sadness of a good bye when more often than not it’s merely a new beginning.

Step by step I make my way up to the first floor. When I stand on the flat I remember something else. The somewhat humorous memories of a temporary lapse in Monique’s ability to walk down a flight of stairs. Through the window in the door I can see the guest kitchen reminding me of a time where all but one drawers in the LTR fridge were filled with Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream. I know that this floor holds the House Assistant corridor, a place that I called home for close to six months. That part of my life holds far too many memories to try and being to explain.

Onwards and upwards I go, to my new home on the second floor.

The landing inside the door houses a dirty laundry basket that many times has been seen overflowing with sheets. I even believe at one point it was a part of a relay race down the corridor. But that was before my time and yet it still makes me laugh. One of those crazy things you do to amuse yourself, to release some stress or pressure.

Down my little corridor I pass Maria Plaza’s old room and laugh at my farewell to her. One of the most creative minds I have ever met and yet its my final moments with her that stay. Yes that’s right. I bid farewell to the mastermind behind the Anniversary visuals as she stood there in a bath towel, fresh from the shower. I feel saddened that she can’t be here for this, and yet in spirit I am sure she’s in the room somewhere, laughing in that incredible way she does. Perhaps even nursing a stray tear because apparently that’s what my words can do, bring a tear to the eye.

Into my room I go and close the door. I wonder how many others have called this square their own. A small section of Pax Lodge to escape to. It took me a long time to make it feel like mine. When I arrived the room belonged to the Programme Assistant, Ruth. After she left it was temporarily occupied by a long term resident called Alex. Now though it feels like Rachael’s Room. Scattered across my walls are many photos of all the people who have been a part of my life, and indeed a part of my Pax Lodge story. They are the people who watch over me each night, even if they cannot physically be here.

As I lay in my bed in the darkness many thoughts run through my head. I am the sort of person who sometimes finds it hard to switch off. But on this particular night it’s the words of others, which flood my consciousness. Having seen many of the former staff memories come through for the Anniversary, I realise that regardless of the time spent here or the year in which they came, Pax Lodge somehow changed each and everyone one of their lives. For some the change was small yet for others it completely changed the person they were and the person they were becoming.

There have been many who’ve faced a language barrier. For some the Pax Lodge experience was a complete change of culture. Others confronted the challenge of being in another country for the first time. And yet the one link they all had, the one thing which stuck out for all of them, were the people who were apart of that chapter of their life.

I come to realise that I am not the only person to come here with one outlook on life and leave with one entirely different. It amazed me at how many responses we received outlining the drastic changes Pax Lodge brought into people’s lives. Be it a period of personal growth, or understanding or even an awakening, this building housed their rebirth. Every wall, every room, every chair or inch of carpet can tell you hundreds of stories.

For fifteen years the very building we stand in has been a significant icon in hundreds if not thousands of peoples lives. From guests to volunteers, to committee members and most prominently the staff, Pax Lodge represents both peace in the literal sense and finding a form of peace within ourselves.

My time here may only be sixteen months of an incredible fifteen years but even now just half way through that time, I can see the changes Pax Lodge has bestowed upon me. I am now more aware of the things I don’t want in my life. I’ve come from a lifestyle that is not healthy, especially for someone so young and now I recognise the need to change that. Much to my own surprise I now have a strong desire to settle down and make a more permanent life. I am looking forward to my future more than ever.

And like those before me, the people I have shared this adventure with have made it all the more worth while. I have met people who have changed the way I view the world. Those people will always hold a special place in my heart for making this the experience that is has been. It is their courage and strength that constantly reminds me why I am here, halfway across the world from the people and home I care most about.

As I roll over and close my eyes, the house finally settles into silence. It is now that I am sure the ghosts of those before me come out to play. To keep spirit in the place where strangers soon are friends. But more importantly than friends, they become family.

Rachael Marchese
Guides Australia
House Assistant June – October 2005
Booking Assistant November 2005 – October 2006

Hey and Howdy

2006-03-14T19:01:00.000-08:00

Hello!!

You know today was crazy! And it's not even the Anniversary yet! Good Grief! I think I spent a total of maybe two and a half hours in the office! Which I'm not complaining about but I've been here there and everywhere! I have to admit that this sort of funny feeling creeped over me today. Just the guest interaction has been incredible and I'm enjoying it. This bunch of women really like to talk and ask questions and you know what, I really like Americans! I mean, not that I ever hated them. But you know, they're not as annoying as people make them out to be. At least this lot aren't.

I'll have to send you a photo too. Yeah another one. See we had a helium tank arrive today for the balloons. Its a 15kg tank so I carried it in from the car and walked into reception going "I found my date for tomorrow night!" and started to like pretend to make out with the gas tank. Sally found it hilarious. Breanne just sat there and shook her head. Its been a crazy day. It was a crazy moment.

My throat has settled down which is great and while a part of me is terrified about tomorrow night, I'm also partly looking forward to it. I am dreading tomorrow, I vented a little steam today and really kind of laid down how I felt about being in the Kitchen. It in general was for Sally's ears but Maria, Louise and Shanna heard it too. It wouldn't surprise me if Doreen did too. I pretty much said that because we had a slack ass bunch of HAs I had to be in the kitchen because they couldn't count on them for the job. I got pissed because if I ever do anything the HAs usually do, I'm told I'm not a HA. However when it suits them, I can be pulled in to do HA work. Okay, sorry. I felt better after I had vented and really didn't care who heard to be honest.

How are you doing?

While I was sitting at the laptop this morning working on the menu for the buffet I had a nice moment of daydreaming. It was a nice peaceful moment. I then started to think about tomorrow and shuddered. Its not so bad though, an 8am start. I just need to remember to change my alarm.

Now I am heading upstairs to practice my speech. I don't think I am allowed that luxury tomorrow evening so I want to do it now.

Rachael :-)

Before I crawl into Bed

2006-03-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

My Dear,

I'm feeling rather sleepy and want nothing more right now other than to crawl into bed.

I did go back upstairs and about an hour and a half later I finally finished the speech. Ran through it a couple of times and at one point had myself in tears!! Its was crazy. Anyhows, cut it down some and timed it. Read out at 7 and a half minutes. So a little on the long side which has me worried.

So I decided to go knock on Janet's door. Sadly you're not the first person to hear it. However, you will be the second, I promise! Its just that right at that point in time I needed some feedback. Janet said the length was fine. I got to the end of it and looked up, poor Janet was sitting there sobbing into a tissue! I hadn't meant to make her cry, I guess I never intend to make anyone cry, but she was! I sort of felt a bit bad about that. Regardless, she said not to change it and that it was fine as it was. We then sat there and analysed some parts of it and reflected back over a few things.

I think I am happy with it. I'll fine tune it tomorrow morning and go over it a couple more times. But that's it. I'll leave it untouched until Wednesday night. Tomorrow night I'll read it to you.
I am calling about 4pm right? Is that a good time for you? Later or earlier? Up to you, just let me know. I'm free all day long. Just doing washing and a few other bits and pieces. I'll go pick up photos from Jessops too.

Hopefully your day is going great. Shanna mentioned earlier that tornado season is about to start. I remembered that storm when we were at your house and I asked what would happen if one came. In the beginning it was kinda a novelty but the more I thought about it, the scarier the reality seemed.

I am off to bed now.
Rachael :-)

P.S When I went upstairs I put my TV on and there was a Muppet's Special on!! It was great! I was in need of a puppet fix and I got it! It was really quite good because they had some of the voices there and they went into a script reading and just watching the expression on the puppeteers faces -it was great!!

The Eve is Here

2006-03-11T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hello!

Dinner is kind of making my lips sting, just like those nachos we had up the hill. Ouch. Remind me next time Erin cooks and I'm off to eat elsewhere. This is a nasty feeling!

So the afternoon was pretty much uneventful. Roy put up most of the flags on the front of the building and it rained the rest of the day. So I don't yet have a photo but I will take one tomorrow hopefully and send it to you. I hope to upload some photos onto my online album. But I think its okay. Its going to take a lot of getting used to, but then I guess there is a lot of stuff changing this week that will take a bit to get used to! New dinner wear and all!

I worked a little more on my speech and should have the final product ready tomorrow morning. Will practice several times and hope for the best. I know there's a couple of grammatical things which need changing but I weeded them out by reading parts of it out loud. One of the best ways to self edit that I have!

Then I put the idiot box on and watched an old English Crime movie type of thing (A Touch of Frost). After that I decided to send my big e-mail and no sooner had I sent the e-mail, the phone rang and it was Ruth. So I sat down here in the basement talking to her for almost an hour about very random things. I told her I got a haircut only somehow convinced her it was a lot shorter than what it actually is!! It was quite funny really!! So if she says anything to you, just agree!! Its quite fun! he he he. I promise you, its not that short and will grow back quick so it'll be back at the length you know it to be.

Next thing I know it was like 5:50 and I had to run upstairs to get shoes so I could go eat in the dining room. Now here I sit with a stinging mouth. I think it deserves ice-cream after that traumatic experience.

Oops I just wandered off into day dream land again.

I'm actually nervous about the Programme Assistant position, like almost it was me who applied!! I've sort of reached that point where I don't want to wait anymore! I just want to know right now! I know I know, patience is a virtue. *Sighs* but you know I can't help myself.

Now I think its time to go back upstairs, my stomach is now complaining about dinner. Not a good sign.

Until I return later this evening, when the house is quiet and all is still,

As always,
Me

Is It Really March?

2006-03-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all!

So as always I can't remember when it was I last wrote! I believe it was around Thinking Day time because I remember uploading all the photos into my photo album for all to see. I guess that was only three weeks ago.

My big adventure in that time was going to Ireland for four days. Yep, once more I left the country! Not that far away but still left England. And what did I think? Ireland was very beautiful. Quite cold, but very beautiful! Actually the weather was really good and was sunshine most of the time. It actually snowed properly while I was there! The only issue was I kind of missed it because I was half conscious in bed sick! With no real explanation I essentially lost a day because of being crook. My claim to fame was puking on the main street of Malahide. It wasn't pretty.

However, my adventures took me through the mountains up north to a place called Omeath (you watch me spell all the places wrong!) where we could look across the loch to see Northern Ireland. It was very beautiful. Further along we stopped in a place called Carlingford and went for a hike up this hill come mountain type thing and got some more great views and had a chance to play with some snow!! It was very powdery so no snowman. But it was something at least!

Ruth also took me to a couple of beaches close by too. One was in Clougerhead and the other in my favourite named village of Teremefeckin. He he he. Lots of great names places around! Saw some of the sites of Ruth's town of Drougheda and even made it to Dublin. Though I wasn't overly impressed with Dublin. However I did try Guinness and I wasn't much impressed by that either! That stuff is nasty!

As always I took a load of photos but as yet haven't had a chance to get them put into my online photo album yet. I will do, hopefully tomorrow on my last day off in between doing my washing and finishing my speech. Well I'm not entirely sure it's a speech per say but a reading or a thought or something. See this is a really huge week for Pax Lodge, it's celebrating its 15th Anniversary and there is a large dinner and evening ceremony taking place with lots of important people coming. Yours truly has to get up in front of everyone and talk! Argh! We're looking at about 90 people, plus the 14 staff plus some volunteers and the organising committee and perhaps anyone else who decides to rock up! Craziness.

As a consequence of this, lots has been happening. We've got new cutlery and crockery, new shop display and items. The highlight has been today's events where the front of Pax has had 30 odd flags put on the front of it. I'm still not sure if I think it's a great idea but you know, it's really not up to me. I haven't been out to look for an hour or two now so perhaps they're now all up and seeing all of them up will make the difference. But it'll be a busy week.

Daylight is starting to make a bit more of an appearance these days. Its still cold at times and it snowed very briefly before but spring is on the way. I'm told that when the tree out front goes into blossom, it looks really pretty.

My little adventures in London have continued including riding on a Routemaster bus and going across the Millennium Bridge in the coldest wind I have ever felt!! Several visits to Covent Garden, days in Camden and a trip out to Plaistow yesterday to find the church my grandparents got married in. See yesterday was their 50th Wedding Anniversary and since I wasn't home to be a part of the festivities (at one stage I was going to be!) I thought that perhaps I could do something from this end. Went and played in Hamleys again, made our own Snakebites (really bad idea!). I went with Breanne to Madame Tussuad's which was good and all, but I am glad I didn't pay full price for it. So took a few photos and even found John Howard in there! That was scary! Ate at a nice Turkish Restaurant which was really delicious!

Actually some exciting news is that I've been allowed to take part in the seminar Managing for the Future here at Pax Lodge. So for five days I get to play seminar participant not staff member so that's pretty exciting. There are only 24 participants in it and they're from all around the world. I'm really looking forward to it.

We're still struggling with our House Assistants. I came back from Ireland and it was so weird. I suddenly felt like they were all going to kill each other. I mean it. The tension in the place was so obvious and it was clear that they were functioning as a team even less than they were. I didn't think that was possible.

I'm finding I don't have the patience level for the place I once did because it has changed so much. Up until Christmas I found that this was still a pretty spacial place to be a part of. Even into perhaps the start of January. But as time has gone on, I feel its lost that special and significant feeling and it's now just like any other job. I hate that feeling because this isn't any other job!Aside from that, life is just well, life. I'm getting a proper bed which I am really looking forward to! No more bunk bed type of thing. It'll be great. Plus we're getting new mattresses for all the staff beds. Even better.

Maria Plaza took her turn to be the most recent person to leave Pax Lodge. It was very weird to come back from Ireland and find someone else no longer here. In addition to that, a face from the past came to visit. Jewel from Trinidad and Tobago came back and it was great to see her and find out what she had been up to. But that's pretty much it. I think I've been sitting here long enough and it's probably time to keep moving and get back to my speech.

Oh I'll now mention my phone is up and running again and has been for about two weeks now -thank goodness!!

Hope you are all well and enjoying the remainder of the nice weather. Please send some over here!!

Take care, until I next write,
Rachael

Re: Hey

2006-03-10T22:56:00.000-08:00

Heya Ruth,

I've been really bad about getting back to you! Mind you I can't remember if it was last night or the night before that you called. Must have been the night before because I am off today so I wouldn't have been on nights the night before I was off. Hmm, that almost got confusing.

Its been pretty busy here and will only get busier. The Anniversary is right on our doorstep.
The flags go up on the building tomorrow. Weird stuff.

I've been working on my speech but am a little concerned as it seems like I've developed a small cold and my throat makes talking such an effort. Good grief give me strength!

It was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary today, all the family flew over to be with them which was kinda nice. So I went and tracked down the church they got married in half a century ago. That was kinda neat. Went to the aussie embassy to get my passport checked out only to realise I forgot to pick up my passport when I left pax. Grr! I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed on.

But other than that, no amazing news to speak of. Its same ol same ol at Pax really. I got a hair cut today, it's now right along the top of my shoulders. A bit of a change, but it also got rid of all the dead hair I had. Hopefully it'll look a little healthier now.

Right, I am off to bed. I'm a tad tired right now.

Hope all is well over in ireland!!

All the best, your bud
Rachael :-)

Re: Hi

2006-03-10T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hey Erin!!

Yes we did get a package, did no one email you back about that? I'm really sorry. On behalf of everyone I send my thanks! I really liked the Tootsie thing.

You don't have to be communicative all the time! Life does sweep you over when you go back into the real world, I understand that! I just wish my time to leave would come a bit sooner, it's kind of dragging at the moment.

Its a big week this week for Pax Lodge. We turn the big 1-5 so there's lots happening. Lots of new things arriving, tomorrow we get 30 odd flags put up on the walls of Pax Lodge which will look a bit weird. I plan to take photos and send them to everyone!

Anyways dude, I hope everything is going well for you. Have you started Grad school yet? You go to like Maryland's right? Or something? Or did I really just mess that up?! Wouldn't surprise me really!!

Take care and we'll talk soon!

Rachael :-)

P.S I spoke to Monique on the phone the other day, she says to say hello. She's not that great with e-mail, in case you haven't noticed!!

A Hey There

2006-03-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

Hello!

Its been a busy day! No rest for the wicked right? I have to go have dinner soon, Pam (a guest) Shanna and I are having mexican food since it's fish night. Yuck.

I've been busy working on my speech for the past two hours so I've moved from the old laptop to the basement computer to come and write you. So far so good, I've got just on a page of typing. I think it's going okay and I've worked out a direction I want to take it in. At least I have settled on one. That's the main thing. Mind you took almost half an hour to settle and then suddenly it kind of became really obvious! However, the final product will be up for presentation to your ears on Sunday evening. Hopefully it'll all be sorted by then.

So the plan for the day was a cornish pastry from covent garden, going to the Oz embassy to sort out my passport and to go to the church that my granparents got married in 50 years ago. Shanna decided ot tag along so the best way to do things was to head out to the church and then come back into central london.

The church no longer held records of marriages or anything else for that matter. Apparently it had ben out of commission for quite some time and now a (this isn't meant in a racist way either) black congrigation has taken it over. I was talking to the guy in charge and he said there were no existing records left behind. But I went in and took some photos so that was something I guess. From there we jumped on the tube, went to Covent Garden for lunch and got the pastry and then walked down to the Oz embassy. Only to realise I had forgetten to get my passport! Argh!! I was so cheesed off with myself!

Anyways, we had to stop in Camden on the way back to get items for dinner and £6 haircuts. Yep I got a hair cut. very basic straight cut to get rid of all the dead hair I had floating around my shoulders. Consequently my hair is now somewhat shorter than it has been, and sits exactly along the top of my shoulders. Its taking a bit to get useful. However it will make my hair a lot healthier and should grow back pretty quick.

From there it was back to pax lodge, I did some work on a few anniversary things and talked to Maria about the menu layout and what we are actually putting on it and then I sat down and started the physical output of the speech/thought/reading. And now here I am!!

Hopefully your day has been going well too Ms I'm on Spring Break!! Sally was asking how you were doing and she seems to think (it just came up in conversation) that Heather would be making the decision about Programme Assistant when she gets back to work which is Sunday. So I don't know. But she agrees with me, you've got as much chance as anyone else!

Anyways, I should go and help with the remainder of dinner.

Ciao, Rachael

Hey

2006-03-09T11:49:00.000-08:00

Heya Ruth,

Listen I can't talk long coz well I am in reception and should be working, however, I do have the guilts for last night!!

You just happened to catch me at the end of a short fuse I have right now and I shouldn't have taken that out on you. Nothing is wrong per say, it's just I've lost a lot of my patience for this place and the people here. You caught the brunt of that. You should know by now I have the time of day for you at any point in time, and it's the first time that I haven't. I can be like a bear with a sore head when I don't have patience and it really doesn't happen that often!

So listen, I'll write you more later but don't feel hurt or bad okay? Just a bad day for no apparent reason you just had a bit of bad timing, that's all.

I am off as of tomorrow so if you want to call you know you are more than welcome to.

Catch you later on,
Rachael :-)

Ahh Day 5 Morning

2006-03-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

It was a bad night! After I wrote you I finally climbed into bed via having a whinge to Sally about Ruth. She said that was probably a long time coming and needed to be told. It took me so long to try fall asleep. I was just so wound up about everything. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. Come 1am I was just starting to doze off. Then at 1:15am I had a phone call. Some lady in America wanting to upgrade from a twin room to an en suite room. I told her to call back during business hours, told her the time so she could figure out when to call back.

This then set me back another hour of sleep. Add to that the development of a sore throat and I am going great guns this morning! I really need some sleep. Or something. Actually I am hoping the cold and flu pill I took will kick in soon. If I wake up like this again tomorrow I'll go down to the doctors.

So my plans for my three days off. Tomorrow (Friday) I plan to go to the Aussie Embassy and find out what the go is with my passport. If I don't do anything else this set of days off I'm happy! The thought of going into the Heath for a couple of hours is also on the agenda, but that's going to depend on the weather. I do want to go see Olive. I still haven't called her, I'll call her this evening. If she's busy, there are some other family friends in South London I can get in contact with. Perhaps I'll even go see both of them. My main aim is to get my thought for the Anniversary happening. I may do that in the Heath. Other than that I want as little to do with anyone at Pax as possible. That's my aim. Time for me. I'll need it. This is going to be one of the craziest weeks on record!

I also plan to get to the post office on Friday too. I need to post the parcel I still haven't sent to my girls. The other exciting news is that the flags go up on the building this weekend. Kind of crazy if you ask me. Still not convinced they'll look any good.

Anyways, I should me on upstairs.
Rachael

Night

2006-03-08T23:27:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!!

Be warned, you may get an e-mail from Ruth. She rang me tonight and I guess I'm just a bit highly strung at the moment, pissed off at a lot of things, just annoyed in general at how much this place has changed. Anywhows, she called and did the whole like taking blood from a stone routine and in the end I basically told her to get to the point or I'd hang up the phone. In the end she kept saying she was fine so turned around and told her, 'Fine, you're okay. I'm going to watch some TV now so I'm going to hang up' and said good bye and that was pretty much it. I just didn't have the patience for her tonight. So I dunno, you might get an e-mail saying she's worried about me or something. Who knows.

I just reached a point while locking up that I realised I don't have the patience and respect for this place that I once did. A lot of it has to do with the HAs and right now I sort of feel like I am stuck in the middle of this huge war and I don't know what to do! The other part of that is that it should be that time of the month and so my emotions which I usually deal with in a day before it arrives, have now been spread over three days and well, I'm just not dealing with it!!

Tomorrow is a new day and perhaps I'll wake up on the right side of the bed. And then after tomorrow I am off for three days. I'm looking forward to it. I whole heartedly believe that I haven't been getting the time to myself that I need and that's a part of the way I am feeling. I just need to sort me out.

All the changes in Jewel were a great thing, it's a good thing you know. Like she'd sorted herself or something who knows. I thought she was due to go to a seminar too, maybe it's been cancelled or maybe she just pulled out? Who knows. We have Maria Plaza's room empty until the end of April so we have room for jewel in there. I don't know what her plans are but I know she's here for a year until her visa runs out.

I need to wrap this up and go to bed. Its 11:30pm and I am starting to get tired and annoyed again. Restless even. But tired and that's enough to make me sleep.

Night,
Me

An Evening Hello

2006-03-08T19:28:00.000-08:00

Hey !!

Yep, I am on nights again. I sort of feel a bit flat today too. I think it's almost the after effect of last night with the HAs and the onset of more tears from them today. Yes I know, they are not my problem to deal with but still they come to me about it and I really am fine with it. Perhaps the flatness is not their fault. I'm just drained right now that's all. I've not really had an evening to myself since getting back from Ireland and I'm starting to feel the effects of that.

Actually you want to know something? I had to use every ounce of professionalism today to resist doing something I see as wrong! See, Heather's mum is here at the moment and right at this point in time they are in Paris. So I've been checking Heathers email for her and there was a response there from a Programme Assistant Applicant in response toHeather's 'we've made a shortlist and you are not on it' e-mail. So, they've shortlisted people and I would imagine that since you haven't said anything, that you didn't get the 'you didn't make the list' e-mail. This excites me. See if I had been anyone else, I could have gone though the e-mail folders or indeed any files on that computer. I'll admit it, I did want to, just to see. But I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Thats a compromise to who I am and what I believe in. But still, I could have known. You know? Can you get what I am trying to say?

Anyhows, it's not that important. I just thought I'd share so perhaps you could see that not all is lost yet. Wait a little longer.

Today wasn't too bad work wise I guess. I am now doing credit card transactions and deposits and all that jazz. Makes there seem to be a little more routine in the day. Anniversary stuff is coming along nicely. I'm finding routine which seems to make the day go quicker. The exclusion of today though since I am on nights.

I suppose I can tell you since it's not like you can tell anyone that shouldn't know yet! Sally got the Office Manager position, she had to go through the interview and all, but she got it which is great for her. Now, Breanne needs to decide if she wants the Office Assistant position and she can pretty much choose a contract for as long as she wants. She just has to decide if it's worth staying. I don't know.

Jewel stopped by again today. She was trying to find out how she'd go about living here as an LTR for a while. At this stage it would only be until the end of April when the programme assistant arrives. Anyhows, it was like seeing a totally different person walk in the door. New hair style, new wardrobe and new figure. Seriously, I didn't recognise her and neither did Janet or Breanne.

Anyhows, I should wrap this up because I know K2 should be in soon and I want to write a couple more e-mails before I go upstairs to do my washing.

Rachael

Sweet, Sweet Morning

2006-03-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

The HAs will reach a point of explosion and seriously, I think that's what needs to happen. Lock them away so they can just about kill each other. Then at least they'll know where they stand. But I do believe it's pretty much reached a point where intervention from elsewhere is going to be the only way to sort it out. See what fun we have here?!

I gave about a much thought to being a psychologist as I did to working with kids. It's just something I never really thought about making a career out of. Just a natural thing I do. Do you know one thing that surprised me last night? Rachel said she was very intimidated by me and my social abilities! It took all I could not to laugh. Me? Intimidating? I'm just a kitten!!!

When it comes to reading my thought, I don't get to wear my Guides Australia Uniform. I have to wear the uniform pants, a white shirt (like proper one not a polo) and my Pax Lodge Scarf. I have to dress like Senior Staff.

I attribute my attention to details (in some cases) to the fact that I am a writer. Peoples reactions to things (massages) will vary from person to person. In some cases, its professionally, in some (like ours) it also deals with set of emotions and stimulation's. Some people walk in the park and see the trees. When I walk in the park not only do I see the trees, I see how they move. I hear them, even feel them. I tend to look at the world in a slightly different light. When I become focused on something, I'll take as much detail as I need.

Can I come and watch the idiot box with you during spring break?!

You know I dreamed about a guest we have coming to stay last night, only I have no idea what she looks like! All I know is that she has an allergy to black pepper and the dream was about this person like having this huge reaction to black pepper! I don't even know what triggered it!

For now I should probably wind this up and head up to start the day. Mind you I was called down at like 7:50 to sort out an issue with someone who was checking in. Not that it bothered me, I was just out of the shower and answer my door in my bathrobe to find Louise like having a panic attack!! It was kind of funny really.

But yes, I am going to head off. Rachael

Okay, let Try Again!

2006-03-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

Hello!!

So this evening was pretty haywire. The day has been well, another day at Pax Lodge. Janet came home which is great and looks pretty good too which is reassuring. Kind of sad though when I think about the mine field this place is entering!

My reasons for not writing so far this evening? Well like I said it's been a little crazy. For one Xenia never came and knocked on my door to let me know she was done, however I don't think it would have much mattered.

Not long after I got back to my room, Erin came knocking on my door wanting to talk. So in she came. Next thing, Tricia comes up. So the two of them are kind of having a half bitch session half 'we need help to figure this out' type of thing. Turns into like a shrink session like I used to run in my room. Some time around 8pm, Louise and Rachel come and join in. Around 8:15 Erin and Louise leave because they are going out. So I am left with Tricia and Rachel. We talk a bit more, Tricia leaves, Rachel stays a little longer then leaves as Tricia is coming back through the door. Rachel goes and Tricia stays and ends up in tears right at the point where Shanna (who has just finished K2) comes through my door, sees the scenario and leaves. Tricia finally left and next thing I know it's like almost 10pm!! Where did the night go?!

I know I try not to talk about Pax too much, I often feel like it's all I talk about. But see, the type of night tonight was is usually what I'd sit and talk to you about. I've had a night of psychology sessions, literally one after the other with over laps. I love watching the group dynamics switch and change. I get so angry with this group sometimes and since coming back from Ireland I've noticed it even more. Today I had a day where I would have up and left, I'd have no worries in doing so. But I know it's just a bad day, tomorrow is a new one.

I almost feel that this group is about to self destruct, unlike anything I have experienced here so far which means its a new experience for me. Despite how heavy I feel now, it was actually nice to have people in my room again. I've always said, even to these guys, that I have an open door policy for all of them should they need it. Yet no one took me up on that. Tonight I kind of found out why. Especially of late because I have been hanging around with Shanna a lot, they assumed I was on her side of this raging war they have. I explained to the four of them that I was likely to be the most fairest person they could speak to aside from Janet. I explained that I heard every one's side of the story and that I didn't take sides. I told them about my summer doctor sessions for everyone, regardless of who it was.

So they understand that now at least. However, I can't believe just how serious a lot of this is getting. Three of the seven HAs want to go home, they hate the experience they are having here. Three weeks from now, one of the other four leaves. People are crying and not coping. I mean I was well aware how work wise how slack they are, but I think this problem they all have with each other has reached a point where its impacting working as a team beyond repair. It's also spreading into their personal lives with each other as well. Its insane.

For the most part I was the voice of reason as always and I firmly believe we need to lock them all in a room and let them almost verbally kill each other because it's going to pop otherwise. Seriously, it's insane. And it has become a serious matter. We've country divides and country wars, like literally in a way that is spiteful and unlike anything I have seen before and never something I thought I would see here. Comments which started as playful banter now have meaning behind them. I need to go sit down with Janet tomorrow and fill her in on a few things. Good grief!

Okay, let me leave the HAs alone now. Sorry. Moving on.

So how has you day been?!! Oh you know I was kind of pissed about working in the kitchen on the anniversary right. I still have a bit of resentment over that. Well today the staff tshirts arrived. When I left they were going to be a light blue or light pink. I would have liked the blue better but could also deal with the pink. They arrived and they changed minds at the last moment so the staff shirts are now like a bright raspberry pink. I am not impressed and I have to wear it. Not happy at all. I feel like sulking. This anniversary was supposed to be fun, not only do I get jibbed and have to work in the kitchen and miss most of it, I now also have to wear a bright pink tshirt. Grr.

Now I am complaining again. How about I take a breather and come back to write you again. I think I might do that.

Me

Hey There

2006-03-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!!

Guess what? I was just talking to Monique! She says to pass on her hellos and that she hasn't checked her email in months so if you haven't heard from her, that's why. Anyways, she's doing okay all things considered. Currently working in a factory doing packing which she's not all that happy with and has finished her time working at the radio station but is trying to get another stint there. The people she stayed with after Pax have told her to come back to London because they'll give her somewhere to live, just so she can be here.

Today has been well, today at work. Breanne came back from Chalet with the book for the anniversary which I have the photo of and will get to you at some point. She was saying how much snow was there!! Now I own a pretty wood carved name badge, its kinda cute.

The new dinner set for Pax Lodge arrived today as well. Its rather green but should look good once the kitchen has been redesigned. We also went and brought all the Fairtrade wine for the Anniversary. I'm actually getting kind of excited about it now. Slowly slowly.

Janet finally comes back tomorrow which will be really good.

Guess what? I am taking part in the Managing for the Futures Seminar in March here at Pax Lodge! Its pretty exciting really. They ended up letting the three of us that applied take part. So it's Tricia, Erin and I doing it. So three of those are work days and two are off days but I don't much mind.

Am off again,

Me

Just wake Up!

2006-03-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

I feel a bit tired this morning actually. No wait, that's not right. Almost over tired to the point where I am groggy. No wait, over slept I think is better. Two days now I've done the whole waking up groggy thing. I wonder what that is about. Almost like it is over sleeping because I have been going to bed before 12 and waking up right when my alarm goes off. I find if I go to be after 12 I wake up just before my alarm and I don't feel groggy. Okay, mundane Rachael habits. I'll move on.

I'm actually quite excited about the writing aspect of this thought for the Anniversary. I have a lot of different approaches to take. I have a lot of people to speak to and speak for and that's where I seek the challenge. And I look forward to that. Yes, the worst part will be the speaking it in front of lots of people.

Ruth sent me a message this morning. Perhaps what I had was a bug because she's got it too now. I feel bad! I know it wasn't a nice feeling! I can imagine her mum like pumping flat 7up into her! They wanted me to drink like a bottle or two of the stuff. It would make me feel worse!

My conversations with Shanna last night told me one thing. She's ready to walk out of here. Not enjoying it at all. She said that she hears myself, Breanne, Catherine and Rita (another ex HA here at the moment) go on about their times as HAs (similar to ours in the summer) and wishes that she could have experienced the same thing. Not enjoying it one bit. That's okay because by the sounds of it, Xenia has said similar things. This group are self destructing but in a different way.

Janet comes back tomorrow morning, yay! It feels like forever since I saw her. Mind you I somehow manage to get through the end of November, December and the first part of January!

Okay, I suppose I ought to be heading upstairs to start my day.

Later,
Me

Re: Hiya Aussie

2006-03-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hey Irish Girl!

I got back to Pax about 11:40pm. Managed to run into Doreen on my way back so I walked with her and Dixon.

I loved Ireland and thank you so very much for having me.

GO TO THE SEMINAR!!! Who cares where it is JUST GO!

Only a short one because I am going to bed, I'm wiped. However, I am curious. What did you want to talk about??

Your Aussie Bud :-)

Before I go to Bed

2006-03-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

Good Evening Again,

Yeah you know it's a little cold down here tonight! I'm in my new Ireland t-shirt, it says 'The Leprechauns made me Do it' and well it was just too good to pass considering my fascination with the little green fellows!! Kinda cute and I like the colour green that it is.

Shanna finally left, which is good because I was getting impatient. She hang around longer because Erin was on the phone to Allan and Shanna wanted the phone to talk to Philip. Crazy, they all argue over the phone a lot. However, yes she did bring chocolate cup cakes and we ate pretzels too and just kinda talked and she complained a bit and we watched TV. Nothing overly fantastic but I do like the company. She gets on my nerves sometimes but you know what, not half as much as everyone else!!

Yep, my little thought suddenly got quite large, like bigger than the session closings. And there are going to be lots of important people there. Like no pressure or anything! I am going to be shitting myself!! But in true thought form it will be read from my little book. Of course I was going to send you a copy.

Eton's emergency case was half my doing and half his. Well his character decided what needed to be packed and me actually putting it in the bag. Yes I took a photo of this! George just looks a little worse for wear. Too many hugs and tears I think. I want to wash his clothes too. He'll survive a bit longer. Trust me if I thought he was in danger, I would have brought him back with me.

I give Ruth a hard time about things because I know I can! I just do it in a less direct way than you do. In saying that, she probably remembers your direct approach more than mine. Scares her a bit so many she'll remember it.

At the risk of sounding like I am lecturing (I'm not, really) but homework is a big thing at the moment. Mid Terms Erin!!

Well for yet another night I am wishing you Good Night.

Me

The Leprechauns Made me Do it!

2006-03-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hello!!

I am back after reading your two e-mails and ready to tell you about Ireland!

What did you lecture Ruth about?

Actually I probably did a little lecturing of my own when I was there too. I straight out told her the house she lived in didn't feel like hers, it didn't feel like Ruth rather like some old ladies home. There was like no life there, I really didn't like the house very much at all. It gave me such a creepy feeling and I can't believe how cold it was. That alone is a huge part of how stuck she is in life.

Ireland in general was very beautiful, some of the most amazing coastline was up north in Omeath where we looked across to Northern Ireland. The weather even if it was cold, was always sunny apart from the freak snow storm we got while driving back from Malahide. Trust me to be almost passed out when the real snow actually arrives!! Argh!

The brownies were great. I was allocated ten minutes which I ended up taking about 25! They asked lots of questions and I taught them Cuddly Koalas and the Kangaroo Jump game. It was nice to be back apart of a brownie unit again, even if it was only for the night. Though Ruth was in a really weird mood afterwards and even now I haven't quite figured out why.

We argued a couple of times in the way we usually do, but overall we were nice and polite to each other. It was kind of stifling which is why I think four days was definitely enough. Any longer and we probably would have killed each other. She's a slightly different person around Anne Marie though and I found it quite amusing in the sense that like myself, Anne Marie antagonises her too! Actually I thought Ruth was going to cry at one point because Anne Marie knocked Ruth's Inukshuk of the mantle piece and it broke. It was kind of a little scary to watch. Got to meet the parents again and they were actually quite concerned about me when I was out for the count because of illness.

Droughada was nice in an old and odd kind of way. Teremefeckin was my favourite named place and really wasn't all that impressed by Dublin. It was just another city but it felt kind of dirty. I don't know, I liked out of Dublin better. Ruth is a nervous driver!! I for the first time in a long time was a little nervous as a passenger but quite smartly didn't tell her that. She freaks out really easily and that can be quite a hazard. We had an argument about me driving and I flatly refused to because there is no way I'd drive with her sitting next to me. She wouldn't handle it! Not that I am a bad driver, but can you kind of get where I am coming from?

Didn't get the Irish breakfast but that was because my last morning after being sick it probably wasn't the wisest idea! Had a few issues understanding people (especially the tour guide at Mill Mound!) and realised how expensive things were in Ireland! Cripes!

I do have a lot of photos (about 300 I think) but I have to go through and delete the ones I don't want. I'll get them to you eventually in one way or another. Overall I did have a nice time and it was good to be out of the bubble for a few days, though in some regards I also couldn't wait to get back just because I could hide away in my room when I needed some me time!! I didn't get a lot of it and I find I need more when I am with Ruth. I don't mean that in a nasty way either.

I am rather curious now though because I got an e-mail from Ruth saying she was sorry we didn't talk more because there were things she wanted to talk about. I want to know what those things were!!

For now I am off, I have Shanna coming up with chocolate muffins in about half an hour and I really ought to tidy my room and vacuum and get rid of rubbish I meant to do before I left.

Goodness me I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day!

Rachael

Getting Back to Routine

2006-03-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

Hello !!

Its been kind of busy again today, the Anniversary is just 10 days away now so everything is cranking up a notch. Its pretty exciting, even if I am stuck in the kitchen all day. It would seem that about 100 people will be here for the formalities in the evening which means I have quite an audience...

I did get my picture with Maria Plaza, though she looks naked in it which is a bit of an issue!! But I have one more for my wall which was my point. Actually I got back and there was a notebook by my door and on the from page was illustrated a sheep and the phrase 'Keep On Writing' so I thought that was really sweet. However, i do feel like I am in a gap. The way the staff board is now set up I'm kind of in a spot all alone. Its a weird feeling. I am the only long term volunteer here.

Yes Eton and Wilson came with me and Eton actually packed me an emergency case which I will send pictures of. It's kind of cute really. Took a nice photo of them with George (and don't tell Ruth this) but he's not looking in the greatest shape!! I will get George back, but not just yet. I will admit a part of me wanted to bring him back and Ruth did offer, but I just didn't think it was the right time yet. I promise you will get lots of pictures! Some that most people won't see!

Jewel is back in the UK and brought a Programme Assitant application in, in person, thought it was after the closing date so I am not sure if they'll take it.

Hmm Delta Goodrem's butterfly song. Nope, wasn't the inspiration for my story butterfly nor my tattoo! Butterfly was written in 1999 and Delta's album came out 2001 or 2002 I think. By that stage I already had the tattoo and the story written. However, I do like that song because it's about butterflies. I just like the CD in general really. I like how they sound and the stories they tell in a quite a clear, yet classic way.

Good Luck with the Mid term on Tuesday.

Me :-)

So I am back . . .

2006-03-05T00:03:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Hopefully now that I am back at a normal computer, my e-mails will make a little more sense. Although that should be e-mail, not in plural form. Either way it doesn't matter, once I am done here I am going upstairs to bed. I'm one tired Aussie.

My plane from Stanstead was 40 minutes late which put me 40 minutes behind everything, thus consequently I've only just come back to the building now at 11:50pm. I actually ran into Doreen who was out walking Dixon so I walked back with the pair of them.

Now Ireland as a whole was a very beautiful place. Wasn't overly impressed with Dublin (or Guinness for that matter) but the rest was fine. In case Ruth has e-mailed you since I left, yes I got quite ill while I was there! In essence what was a four day holiday became a three day holiday. I don't know why, but during Thursday night I started throwing up and this continued through the night into the morning and after a two hour break, again on one of the main corners of Malahide. Consequently, Dublin was ruled out and we drove right back to Ruth's and I slept the afternoon and early evening away. So much for dinner out with Anne Marie and Ruth.

However, Anne Marie came to Ruth's and they ate take out Chinese. Me, well I had a vegetable cup a soup between Thursday evening and this morning!

I'll reassure you now though, I feel fine and I was feeling fine then, I just had a throwing up issue.
I'll be sure to go into more detail about the trip at a later time and show you some of the 200 odd photos I took, perhaps it was more. . .

Please tell your mum I got both her e-mails and will respond to them tomorrow evening. In the meantime, tell her to expect a postcard. Well actually it's for the whole family, but it was your mum that sparked it. I saw the postboxes in Ireland and couldn't help myself. It got posted today as Ruth took a photo of me doing so.

With a £40 pound budget I came back with about two euros in loose change!! So that's not bad when you consider I spent close to ten euro on postcards! What's that about?! But I got me a snazzy t-shirt (one that claims the Leprechauns made me do it) and a couple of other small things, two of which should hopefully arrive for you and your mum by the 17th. Nothing to get excited about, rather touristy and corny, but I think you guys will understand.

I am glad you are enjoying the weekend of work, you've been talking about the monologues for some time now so I am glad they're here and keeping you busy and excited all at the same time.

Right now I need to be going to bed, it's now after midnight!

Rachael :-)

P.S Ruth and I didn't kill each other, but I do think four days was quite enough of constant Ruth company!

Night Night

2006-02-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

So the night is just about over! Phew and I've achieved a lot! Did my washing and dried it. Packed my bag, charged everything up and pulled my passport out. Checked tickets and departure times. Did Maria's book, gave a quick clean over my room, ran to budgens to grab a few things and well, that's all over red rover! I won't write in my journal because I am tired and I can do it tomorrow while I am at the airport. I've giving it an hour and a half to get to Standstead because of traffic. Or at least that's my reasoning. I even had time to sit down with Shanna for half an hour and eat a chocolate muffin! Good Job!!

So how are you? Hopefully not too tired, please try to get some sleep and make sure you eat good too. Don't get too run down.

Today we had four conference bookings rotate through the building, it was a mad house. Plus I had a heap of anniversary stuff to sort out (including a mail drop to all the houses around the place) and well, the day went really quick. Got paid in advance which was even better.

This afternoon the road was filled with paparazzi. Yep, George Michael was next door. They'd followed him from his house. You'd think the guy would lay low for a while when you consider recent events! But that was our excitement. When I came back from Budgens at 9:30 this evening there were still a whole lot of them out there. Maybe I should do that, get paid good money for taking photos. You ought to have seen some of the camera's these guys had!

While I was out dropping stuff in mail boxes, it started to snow a little. Okay not very much at all but it was flakes. Ruth was telling me that there is snow in Ireland. I told her to hold onto it until I arrive. Yet somehow I hope it doesn't snow.

The next few days are gonna be tough. I know.

Well for tonight I should be off. I have to get up a bit earlier tomorrow and I am tired as it is.

Take care and look after yourself.
Rachael :-)

My Hand is Having an Old Day

2006-02-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

I could have emailed you a dozen times today but I couldn't. I would have, but I couldn't.

One more day to go and then I am off to Ireland. The pay cheque got done early because I requested to be paid before I left which means I have a little money to play with at least. I also have a letter, just in case. Actually I need to go pull my passport out and think about what clothes I am taking with me. I'll have to do some washing tomorrow night so that my uniform is good to go when I come back. I realised the last time anyone went to Ireland, it was you and I came to Finchley to walk you back. I am a bit sad that no one here will do the same. Oh wells.

I have to do Maria Plaza's book tonight. Heather, Breanne and I are taking her up the hill for one last crepe. See, Breanne and I aren't here for her last few days and Breanne is doing Nights the next two nights. And I'm gone. So this is our last chance. We're taking Dixon with us because Doreen is on nights with Rachel.

I put my application in for the seminar. I kind of want it, but don't think I'll get it. I nearly didn't put the application in because I really want one of the HAs to go. I mean, I know it's not a seminar, but I've been here during sessions and been a part of sessions so I've had the chance to really understand how much of an international place this is. They won't get that chance because they're all gone before the summer starts (thank god). Well I really want Tricia to get it because I think of all of them, she deserves it most and will probably gain the most from it.

You know I thought of you at flag this morning when Doreen told us to not work hard...he he he, I went awwww, I had this conversation with Erin last night!!

Anyways, I want to go and finish some letters and the list of songs for a CD and be around when they go for crepes and to do Maria's book. Plus I have three days of journal writing to catch up on. And East Enders to watch at 8pm. it's sad, its such an over dramatic soap show but it sucked me right in!!

Later,

Me

Reaching Out

2006-02-25T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hello!

What did your dad do this time?

Your programme assistant application arrived in the post today. Sally opened it and was like "hey did you know about this?" and I played innocent and went "about what?". And she said "about Erin applying for programme assistant" so I turned around and went "she never?". Played like I didn't know. I certainly haven't mentioned it to Heather. I figured the less I have to say about it the better. I don't want to get in the way.

Today was pretty crazy. Day one of the Round Table conference with people from right across Europe here. It's been a very long one and dinner didn't start until 6:30 and even now it's just gone 7:40 and I've just left the dining room. I have to admit, I like these people. They are very friendly and are just the kind of guests you want here all the time. There is this one woman and she has the most amazing eyes. Like, I can't even begin to describe the colour of them, kind of like blue but clear and they are simply amazing. I've only seen one other person with those coloured eyes and that was going to work on the tram at home a couple of times. They are like something you'd see in a fantasy movie or something. Incredible. But anyways, I like these people they're great and are great to have a laugh with.

Tonight is Saturday night -Walk About night. Ha, you should hear them all going on about who they are going to pick up this week. Xenia even was telling us about this drink one of the guys gave her and like three of us yelled at her and said she was stupid drinking anything that anyone gave her. Needless to say I'm having a night in. I want to measure up my room and be ready for my little meeting with Doreen tomorrow and be prepared for anything she might throw at me. Which ever that might be. I'll have to go over notes from the last one.

So this e-mail finds you in the Greekest of moments!! He he he sorry lame pun I know. Perhaps I should call your mum and tell her to go get you and rescue you from all that. Nah, I am sure it won't be all that bad, it might even be a great deal of fun. You never know Erin. Gosh Erin could be suddenly swept into the world of frats and sororities and that'll be the end of her! No! Don't turn her into a alcohol guzzling, pot smoking, blow jobbing person! Hmm, okay the last line really wasn't all that appropriate. I just think of all those dumb blonde's in those stupid teenage movies. I suppose that they're not all like that in the real world.

Right, I'm going to go and sort myself out. Do something constructive at least.

Me

Another Day, Another E-mail

2006-02-25T08:31:00.000-08:00

I think it's morning out there. Regardless,

Good Morning!

Blood shot eyes this morning, what is up with that?! I finally got up to my room at 11:24pm last night. My last check in arrived at 11:06pm which was great. I was upstairs like a shot and in bed by midnight with the light out! I watched TV for a bit while I wrote in my journal, it was the movie Twins. Have you ever seen it? It has Danny De Vito and Arnie the Terminator dude in it (hey that was easier than spelling his surname!). Yet like I said, out by midnight. Well shortly after. The light was out then. Became paranoid that someone would want to come in during the night, most of the people don't have a great grasp of English coming from an Aussie...

When ever I hear the term talent show I always think of bad singers. Even if there isn't actually anyone singing. Bad singers. Oh dear. Because you know its like Idol and all those dumb shows, some people just don't get and can't understand that they don't have talent! What is up with that? I mean I can't sing and I'm first to admit that! There is no way in the world I'd get up and sing because somehow I believed I could! But then that could be stage fright too!

I hope Doreen rips into them too!

Right, I did read your application! I liked it. It has a nice flow to it. Actually I was asking Heather yesterday (we were talking about Ruth) and she said she was pretty sure that the Programme Assistant position was like a HA position, you can only do it once. She's like, but that's not to stop Ruth applying for anything else here at Pax. I laughed, there you go, we have the next Centre Manager in the making! Go Ruth!

I don't remember my dreams last night. I'm waking up too suddenly and too groggy to keep them in my head.

As always,
Rachael

Friday Night is Fish Night -Yuck!

2006-02-24T19:05:00.000-08:00

Good Evening.

Well a what a night on nights it will be!! Thirteen people still to check in, seven of which are arriving between 9pm and midnight! I tell you, eight months of quiet Night Duties and the last two have been crazy. Not that I am complaining, I think I've had it good all things considered. Have decided to stay down in reception until 10pm ish, that way I don't have to run up and down stairs a million times as most should have arrived by ten. There are three more to arrive after that.

What a day at Pax Lodge it has been. Only two house assistants working. Three were rostered on, one was knocked out cold! See apparently after the carnival they had last night, they had a bit of a party in Louise's room. Well lots of mixing drinks and Louise got plastered. Like seriously so. Spend all night puking and had to get up for K1 duty. She got through breakfast and was back in bed by 10am. Out cold she was and slept most of the day. During staff breakfast she was in the kitchen and ended up puking in Oscar. We were later told she'd done it during guest breakfast too. We've got an important committee here at the moment. We're dreading the evaluation forms. She was still drunk during breakfast, all giggles at flag. It was terrible. Rachel was a bit ewww too, but has managed to stay active for the day.

As for me I did House duty today. Well from 11:30am until 3pm at which point I then went up the hill to do bank and post. It felt like being a House Assistant again. I have to be honest with you, these girls were told that all the guests we have this weekend are pretty important and from all around the world. I went into some of those rooms today and am ashamed to call them House Assistants. The rooms were not that great. Anyohws, I fixed them all and checked them all. I'll do the same for the last five or six arriving tomorrow.

Janet left at 8:30 this morning and we got a SMS from her saying her flight had been delayed. That was just after 12 noon. We assume she got there okay. Maybe she's still on the plane? No, she'd be off by now.

Did I tell you last night that Ruth called and that who ever put the call through thought it was Monique? Well see while I was out at dinner, Monique did call to speak to me! But I wasn't in and when Ruth called apparently she sounded like Monique. But I can't quite figure that out. The person on K2 never knew Monique....oh wells.

Only four more days and I am off to Ireland. I am rather excited to tell you the truth. A little worried, but excited too. Plus I get to go hang out with some brownies so that'll be fun.

From here I am going upstairs to watch the idiot box for an hour, come back downstairs and lock up. I'm going to bring my book down so I'll read while I am waiting for my check in people. Plus I'll write you again since I can't do it at some unholy hour during the night because the basement is off limits. Perhaps I could e-mail just before 10pm.

Doreen is back on deck tomorrow. I wonder how she'll take the business with Louise being drunk during work time. Good grief.

Well for now I am off, should go and sort this office out before K2 arrives to relieve me. Then I'll be back. Yay!

Rachael :-)

Yawns Keep Creeping Up

2006-02-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!

You know I actually came down to the basement an hour and ten minutes ago. I was going to e-mail you early then go upstairs and read for an hour or so before curling up for an early night to be ready for tomorrow's start back at work. I came down here, turned the computer on and Kristina comes down and tells me I have a phone call from Monique. When I pick up the phone its actually Ruth! So an hour later I ended the calling telling her I wanted to check e-mails and that was that.

She's doing as well as normal I guess you could say. Freaked out by seeing a kid she used to teach at the school she got dismissed from or whatever. Then had another run in with the Ladybird leader after brownies. Ruth in true form was shaken up by things I don't quite understand. Either way, I think I sorted it. Plus she's decided I get to meet Anne-Marie. You wait for me to stir that one round the pot a little more. This could be fun. I just like to wind her up, she knows it which is why she bites so much I think.

Dinner was good. We ate at the Turkish place down the bottom of Pond Street called Zara and I had lamb. It was really good. Fresh salad and yummy Turkish bread. Conversation was a little strained but then it has been like that most of the day. A combination of me not really wanting to talk and just really not having a lot in common with Breanne. Actually on several occasions I found myself wishing you were there, especially as we went around Madame Tussuad's. Yes because I miss you, but because we always had such great fun while we were out, you know?

The HAs are currently having a Carnival night in the conference room. From what I understand they didn't invite anyone from senior staff. Or volunteers for that matter! Not that I much expected them to really. I'll be glad when the bulk of this group is gone. Gosh that sounds so harsh.

Wow the underground set, makes me think of the one in We Will Rock You. I loved that scene. But please, do send me photos. I am very curious.

Now just so I get this right. When you say Greeks (in regards to your long day on Saturday) you mean that in the whole Greek symbol meaning right, as in frats and things. I mean you don't literally have like 100s of Greek people (ethnicity) running around, do you? I think you should smash some plates, just to get into the spirit of things. That is Greek, right? Maybe I'm just confused. Good Grief.

I am on nights tomorrow night. By the sounds of it, it's going to be another fun one. Lots of check in's apparently. Most after 9pm. Oh joy for me. Doesn't matter, only five days and I'm leaving the country. Mind you I'd like it to be another country I'm going to but beggars can't be choosers, right?!

That's me done for another day. Pay day tomorrow. And chair day. I should get a wriggle on and write a list of things I need to do tomorrow. I've got a whole heap of Anniversary stuff to do. Give me strength.

As Always,

Good Morning

2006-02-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

Well I slept kind of oddly last night. But you made an appearance in my dream! And for the life of me I could remember it when I woke up, but now its gone from my mind. You were there though and that's what counts. The other thing is I woke up this morning and it was snowing. Not great snow, it's melting as soon as it touches the ground which kind of sucks and is only very small falling snow. But something, right?!

No mum wasn't an alcoholic! Sorry I think phrased that wrong. Because my mum and my step father met when I was like 2 years old, I pretty much grew up with his family being my family. Wayne is my brothers day. Wayne's dad David was an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. He lived in a bungalow out the back of Donna's house (Wayne's mum) and you could smell the place a mile away. He used to reek of beer all the time. I think that's why I had a strong dislike to the smell of beer, indeed any alcohol for a while there. He'd yells things and shout and always make my brother cry. I hated it. He died a couple of years back and it took close to three months to get rid of the smell from where he lived. It truly was horrible. So it wasn't my mum who was the alcoholic. But I still grew up around him and it wasn't nice.

There is nothing specific which I can pinpoint being unhappy right now, if anything its a combination of many things. Yes, money is one of them because I didn't think I'd get my phone bill paid which means I'd lose my mobile number and my contract would be void and all sorts of things. However they hadn't been updating my bill payments on the website, they've done that now and I am ahead. And my phone is back in action. Still I have my car insurance and it's registration in June. Some time away still, but still a worry. I'll learn to deal with that. There's plenty of time to save Aussie dollars till then. I just freak out easy.

We have gone back to having little daylight which isn't helping. And sort of miserable weather. The sun seems to be out while I am working and on my days off it vanishes from sight. I just think Pax in general has me down because it's nothing like it used to be.Plus I am going to be in the gap all by myself for about an extra month now that Maria is leaving at the start of March.

I've also had my mum giving me her woes too. She wants my car left at her house but it costs too much to leave it there. Plus I don't feel safe with it being there! Not a very desirable area! Especially when it comes to car theft.

I have decided come end of August I'm going to go regardless. Perhaps part of September, we'll see. I do know I don't want to stay until the end of October, it's too far away.

I think its cute that your mum gives you Rachael hugs for me. Aww. Its okay, I go and get Janet hugs. Those are good too. Janet gives hugs like my grandmother used to. Special hugs, you know?

Well Breanne and I are going to Madame Tussuad's today so I suppose I should go and shower and get myself ready to go. Who knows what time we are leaving. But it should be good regardless. At least I'll get out. Not sure how I am going to converse with Breanne all day by myself but I'll deal with it.

I am doing okay. I know it's going to take time. But I'm aware of how bad I'm feeling and ready to do something about it.

I should go.

Rachael

Its Time

2006-02-22T23:28:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Yes this finds me once again in the library typing away to you in the silence of a room full of words and stories. You'd think that would enlighten me to say a lot! Or at least something far more intelligent than usual. But perhaps not. There's not much happening at the moment. Was watching American Pie 2 and well, I'm not really a fan of those horrid supposed teenage comedies so I turned the TV off and decided to come and talk to you.

I want to clarify my last e-mail, I probably caused a lot more worry than I should have. I haven't been drinking every night, lets just clear that up. What I meant was that there have been three weeks now where one night every set of days off that I've been drinking and in not large amounts but more than I usually would. Last night Shanna and I went to budgens to get the stuff to make our own snakebites. We got an extra strong lager and the last of the four drinks each we had, we sculled and as a result of that, part way through the e-mail I was writing you, I had to go throw up. I've never done that in my life and am highly horrified at the thought.

It reminds me of the time I sat in the back garden of my old house and smoked half a pack of cigarettes and drank a bottle of wine all by myself while looking at the stars. That was the day I found out I was coming here but couldn't be happy just yet because I still feared at that point I may have been pregnant. I don't make a habit of drinking. I really don't like it. You know that. I grew up around an alcoholic, you'd think that experience alone would be enough to scare me!

What I am trying to get at it right now I am trying to figure out just where I want to go from here. Perhaps not so much in working it out, because in my mind I know what that is. I haven't been sleeping and it's getting to that time of the month and for the first time in a long time I am really sick of being here, I am sick of the same old thing. I'm tired of having woes at home about money. I'm tired of a lot of things. So in essence, it's been a bad few days.

I know this is really hard. And I know I was having a bad day. And I know there will be many more. These next few months will be challenging. But I am ready to face those challenges front on. Soon, summer will arrive and it'll be great. I sat myself down this evening after the Thinking Day Service and realised that a lot has to change if I'm going to make it. Change of routine. Changing my diet is way up there, the amount of sugar I am consuming isn't helping my moods because it makes me feel so horrid that everything else feels worse too!! I've got to get back into the walking every day like I did in the summer.

My aim isn't to worry you. I just want to let you know what has been going on that's all. I too am struggling. You want my honesty and here it is. Anyway, my point was that I'm taking a bit of a different approach to life here and the next few months will breeze by. I do promise to look after myself. I need to, I need to be good and happy and healthy. Besides, I've lots of planning to do and I suppose I should figure out how I'm sending stuff home and by which method because I won't need this stuff for the three months I'm in the states! Okay, maybe getting ahead of myself here I know.

Oh guess what?!! In Hamley's today, I found a mini Eton!! Like seriously, a third of his size but exactly the same markings! I found it so very funny. I was a bit disappointed about the Bear Factory though, they had horrid bears in there. On the ground floor they had puppets like squirrel and cadbury! They had a beaver and a turtle and a couple of others. Somehow it wasn't quite the same without you there tough. Went to the basement and the Lego statue of the fellow from Harry Potter was gone. That too was a little sad.

The Thinking Day Service this evening was a little weird. Very...well unorganised for one. But really off key too. Or maybe just really different to how we do our little ceremonies. Rachel got up and read a speech or a college essay or something. It was really weird. It went on about a guy and Bush and Muslims and The Holly War. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I really didn't think it had a place there. Xenia got up and sang a lullaby she used to sing to her niece every night. I mean it was actually quite beautiful and she can certainly sing, but I don't think that had a place in a Thinking Day Ceremony either. The five or six guests we had there must have thought we'd gone loopy or something. We took photos too. Actually there is a pretty good one of all the staff minus Doreen who is in Scotland at the moment.

The basement computer is out of action still and if Raj can't fix it tomorrow we may run into issues.

Right I've probably dribbled on enough for one e-mail! In all honesty I am feeling fine. I have a few sad moments but as of today, well tomorrow morning when it's implemented, I'm starting a new routine. It will do me the world of good. Mind you it's going to be cold out!

For now I say Good Night.
Rachael :-)

Hey Please Don't Panic!

2006-02-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Now I don't want to worry you but wanted to let you know what was going on. I went and had a word to Janet earlier. Nothing in particular, she just sort of asked how I was and I said I wasn't handling things too well in general. I am a little concerned with the amount I have been drinking. To the point that I've done it several times now and it's almost like a binge session. Nothing very extreme compared to most, but enough for me to suddenly go 'wake up Rachael you don't do this' and know I'm not happy within myself.

In saying that, Janet is going to help me a long, remind me drinking isn't the answer (which I know) and making sure I am not too hard on myself. I've been worried about a few different things and combined together I probably haven't been handling them as well as I usually would.

But today is a new day. I woke up and knew I really have to stop and think and make a whole new start to being here. This is it. I am going to walk every day, and eventually run. Really watch what I'm eating (issues with sugar levels) and not drink. This is it, I am taking control!! I want to get out and do a bit more (as cheaply as possible!!) I am okay, please don't panic.

I hope classes went okay today, or are going okay today.

This afternoon I went to Hamley's with Shanna and we spent a lot of time playing with all the stuff. The Harry Potter Stairwell is now a Narnia one and I'll send some photos at some point. From there we decided to randomly get on a bus, got off near St. pauls and walked across the Millennium bridge, back to St. Paul's and got on the number 15 Route master Bus! Yay! Then caught another one to Hyde Park Corner! Two in one day plus photos! From there it was along Oxford Street to Euston and then on the bus back to Pax and here I am after dinner.

The basement computer has died. Gone to Micro bite heaven. So I am in the library. We have a Thinking Day Ceremony this evening, well in about ten minutes so I have to go change.

I'll come back later and talk more.

Please don't worry about me too much. Everything is under control. I'm suddenly not an alcoholic or anything.

Rachael :-)

Morning is Here

2006-02-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!!

I didn't sleep very well last night. Ha you know what? When I eventually came up from the basement it was midnight and I ran into Heather and Dixon who were on their way out for a walk, so I went with them! It was kind of cold out. Actually the weather man is predicting snow tomorrow which is exciting, should it actaully happen that is!

My mum has borrowed my car, that scares me! Her driving scares me!

Its sunny today but there is a terrible wind outside. I've got to go up to Jessops later today, I found out late yesterday afternoon the Maria Plaza is leaving on the 4th of March, and I don't get back until very late that night. I'll have to say good bye before I go to Ireland. That came as a bit of a shock to the system. Its sad, she put so much effort into the 15th Anniversary and she's not even going to be here to see it.

Other than that, not too much has happened. Did a little thrashing around again last night in my sleep, everything that sits on my little table was on the floor. I don't know what that's about. At least I didn't break anything this time. I'm using the laptop in the conference room, doing the last of the training packages we need to do. I at least get a funky certificate out of it I guess.

I'm hoping to try get some more photos online today, yet I don't like my chances, I just have to be patient. I'll let you know how it goes.

Rachael

Story Time

2006-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

Yes hello its me again.

I'm going to attempt to tell you stories from the life of Rachael. Just maybe because telling you stories might help. They might not but well I am at a loss as to what else I can do.

Okay. Let me think. Oh yeah, I should talk about Primary school stories, you like those. Or you at least laughed at the image of my on a rock pretending to be the Little Mermaid. I had a somewhat odd childhood and had to deal with my own company on many occasions. My imagination used to run away with me a lot!

I remember in the summer I used to get blisters on my hands the size of my palms (I can say this because they were actually on my palms...). See, I used to like monkey bars. Perhaps you don't know what they are, how do I describe them? Well you know you how a ladder looks, right? Well say you lay the ladder flat, but above your head so you can dangle from the runs and your feet don't touch the ground. Those are kind of what monkey bars look like. You'd swing form one or three or however, just like a monkey. Right, anyways, I used to love doing this. And yet every summer because of the heat of the sun, the metal bars would heat up and burn my hands which is how I ended up with blisters. They were bad. And yet I always went back for more. I remember this one kid from Jamaica used to tease me all the time. His name was Levi and he was like the school bully. He used to call me monkey girl and all sorts of things and it used to hurt my feelings.

Our teachers used to do what's called Yard Duty and during our recess and lunch breaks they'd kind of walk around the school grounds and make sure no one was having fights or anything. I was one of those kids who hung out with the teachers while they did yard duty!! It was so bad! But like, you could always tell which teachers were popular, because they'd have like a crowd of ten kids wandering around the yard with them, it was funny.

Then there was the time in grade five when we were practicing our item for camp. From Grade 3 up to grade six we'd go on a school camp once a year and every camp there would be a concert. This one particular year, my friend Natalie and I had been practicing this dance for weeks on end, we had got costumes and all sorts done. About three weeks before camp, we all had a camp meeting and were told that the concert had to be impersonation acts. We were devastated!! So in the end, we teamed up with Claire and Christina and put on a Keeping Up Appearances show!! We had two acts, the first one I played Richard (quite well I might add) and the second one I played I think it was a dance instructor whom Hyacinth taught to sing. Obviously because she was teaching me to sing, it turned out really bad! But I did it so well!! he he he. Between the acts we had a change of scene and in the first act we'd had a blanket on the floor. because it would take me the least amount of time to change, I was the one who changed the scene. So I pulled the blanket up and didn't realise I was standing on the other end! Well I went arse up didn't I!! in front of the entire population of Grade 5 and 6 plus teachers, one whom had a video camera playing!! I was so embarrassed. Good grief.

I remember when I was really young, grade one I think it was. We had a wedding and a death all in the same week. Out art teacher Mr Bourke who was old in his own right, died of a heart attack. I remember the entire school being at assembly one morning and they told us. Yet the day before, Mrs Slavich came to school in her wedding dress after being married a week or so long earlier. It was kind of cool.

There was also the time in grade six when the Port Arthur Massacre happened. Port Arthur is a historic sight down in the south of Tasmania, it's really really popular. One day during the end of the tourist season, this guy just sort of flipped and started shooting everyone. it was terrible. My Grandparents were supposed to have been down there at the time but for whatever reason it was, were unable to go. The morning that it happened, they would have been there, right in the middle of it all. I can remember coming to school the next day and seeing it all over the paper. It truly was horrible. Now the guy that did it is sitting in his prison room, living a more relaxed and pampered life than some innocent people do, earning degrees paid for by tax payer money. I hate that so much. Really get my goat.

There was another time we were practicing for camp concerts. Four of us (Me, Catherine, Christina and Dimitra) we decided to get up and sing a four part song. We ended up rehearsing Can You Feel The Love from The Lion King! It was great! Even had the whole Timon and Pumba conversations at the start and end. What a laugh!!

Aww man and I had some really bad fashion in those days too. Leggings with puffy socks and hiking boots. My socks would be the same colour as the woolen jumper. Oh gosh and I had a stripy pair of overalls I used to wear as well. Uniform wasn't compulsory in those days. We had the option to wear it of course and sometimes I did, but as I got older I chose not to. Then in grade six they made it compulsory, but we got away with it because it was pointless buying uniform for one year. I remember school photos that year. I had this really nice skirt and white shirt on. My hair had grown long enough again to hang below my shoulders. It's one of my favourite class photos from Primary school. The sun sort of catches my hair and I almost have a halo. Yeah, keep dreaming!!

Right, I think maybe if I go think some more I can come up with some better stories. What do you think? Wow this is like reliving my childhood again. He he he, not that I left it all that long ago!!

Hope you're okay and hopefully some of these made you laugh. Perhaps they might make you ask questions!!! Ha! And you know I don't mind if you do, not at all.

I'll see what else I can come up with.
Take care,

Rachael :-)

Okay a HUGE day!

2006-02-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

Hey Kathy!!

The Abbey was AMAZING!! I cried lots, was very overwhelmed by it all. I think I'd need to sit down and let it really sink in. But I am so tired right now, it's been a really long day, close to 13 hours working. Ruth left not long ago to go sort out one of her girls, I shouldn't imagine she'll be back now, it's too late. Its wonderful to see her again! I was walking from the Tube Station to the Abbey and sort of started to well up because I couldn't believe I was actually there. Anynows, got myself under control, got into the grounds and I didn't realise Ruth was going to be there. She'd spotted my crossing the road, thus came over to me and it was such a surprise and so overwhelming that I just burst into tears!!

Point being was that it was amazing and the others laughed at me because I cried. For once in my life I don't care. I will write you better about it another time, but right now it's close to midnight and I am wiped. However I will attach a couple of photos. One is of me at Pax before we left, one is of the Abbey and the line out the front and the other is my view from my seat in the VIP area inside the Abbey (yes we were allowed the privilage of photos without flash, but as a result not all came out very well).

Catch you when I do!!
Rachael :-)

Number 2

2006-02-18T23:38:00.000-08:00

Hey!!!.

I go away for a few moments and I have another e-mail from you!! Aww plus two photos!! I am assuming that since you're naming them individually you'd be saving them somewhere right? And then sending them to me? Not that it matters but if you are saving them anywhere, you are better saving them as a JPEG format. At the moment they are bmp which is fine, but it makes the file size large and download time longer. When you save the photos you should be able to change the format to JPEG, have a fiddle around with it.

Um, okay, I was in the middle of an e-mail before I had to dash out for the loo and a few other things and I wouldn't have the slightest idea what it was I was planning on saying. Oh wait, remembering the first time I met you. Like I said, I don't remember but don't take that personally because I don't remember meeting anyone else. I don't remember meeting Breanne, I just know she came to the George with us. I don't even remember going in to my room or how I got rid of my bag. I remember seeing Marie at the airport and a flash of the three of us sitting at the George, a few other random things and that's it. That's a little scary.

This letter you are writing Ruth, is it paper or electronic? Not that it matters. I don't care what you write really. It's okay that you wrote what you did. I don't have a problem with it so don't worry about it. I trust you Erin and I'll be okay with anything you say. In most regards at least!!

I've attached a couple of photos from today. Well two. One is the line outside the Abbey, the other is the VIP section of the service where we sat. The photo is taken from my seat. Most of the photos are blurred because I was taking them without the flash. Grr. Oh wells, I got a couple of descent ones I guess. I have a nice one of me out the front of Pax before we left too. Perhaps I should put that one on as well. One sec. Okay done. It should attach too. Fingers crossed.

I am sure there were other things I was going to talk about but the brain is a little dead at the moment and I probably wouldn't make too much sense.

Rachael :-)

Part 1 e-mail

2006-02-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!!

Well I survived the day!! Only just! I am pretty tired but so tired I can't sleep, if that at all makes sense. Not only that, Ruth keeps ducking in and out to sort things out with her girls so I went down and got the laptop so I could write you from up here should she come back. No bathrobe this time though, sorry. I can't even do that in the morning, I have to return the laptop where I got it because no one actually knows I have it right now. Oh wells.

So the Westminster Abbey Service. Its huge. It's like 'the' thing to go to for Thinking Day. The Abbey alone has 1000 people there and there are always thousands more who miss out. Internationally you have to apply months in advance to get the tickets or at least be considered for tickets. Its like a once in a lifetime thing. Its huge. The fact I got to go was purely amazing and almost life changing. Okay perhaps not that dramatic, but it will be one of the greatest things I'll do in life. Seriously, that's how big it is. Understandably, I was probably emotional to begin with, but I cried several times!!

The first was before we even got in there. Coming out of the tube station I started to well up and told myself to stop being stupid. We got into the grounds of the Abbey and Ruth was there, only I didn't know she was going to be there and she came up to me and I like hugged her and that was it, I just burst into tears. Just like that, it was just all a bit too much for the emotions to take!

So sorted myself out. The line was huge, massively long, like hundreds of people and the ones at the start of the line would have been queing for like, 2 hours easy. We had VIP tickets so we just walked straight in. We ended up being seated in the VIP section which was the chior stalls right in front of the main area, it was incredible. As we were walking in, again it was all too overwhelming and I started to well up again! I did three times during the service, the most at the part where they lay the wreaths down on thememorial as everyone in the Abbey is holding hands and the Circle of Life if playing. Yeah, everyone laughed at me and you know what. I don't care. Doing this and being a part of this was such a huge thing for me. Screw them.

From there it was right back on the tube and back to Pax for a crazy afternoon. Only about 150 people came through the doors and by the sounds of it we aren't expecting a lot tomorrow. But this arvo was okay, worked straight from 1pm till 8pm and then all the senior staff plus Maria, Shanna and I sat in the dining room and talked and laughed and ate chocolate. Then I got up to leave to go hang out with Ruth and her girls and I walked into the door. It hurt a bit. My body is kind of tired right now. It has been a really long day. Everyone is wiped out yet all the HAs minus Tricia who is sleeping and Shanna have gone to the Walk About.

Doreen and Maria Mararo were having an argument this morning. In the Dining room and kitchen, Doreen didn't even take her into the office, they just yelled at each other there and then. Doreen is like under major stress at the moment, it's weird. All the senior staff are up tight about stuff, who knows what it is. It's not like I am ever going to know! Its just really weird here at the moment. Doreen was telling Heather to stop touching her! That was kinda funny.

But moving on. I can't think of much else to say about today but then I've probably put most of it to rest and will let it sink in another time or I'll randomly remember things.

I don't remember much of my first night here, only that it was fish night and Marie and Breanne took me to the George. You know I can't remember much about you or meeting you for the first time. I don't remember meeting anyone for the first time.

Hey I'll be back in a minute!!

Rachael

I'm So Excited!!

2006-02-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

Aww Kathy!!!!

This is like the hugest day of the year, not to mention one of the hugest days of my life!! It's Thinking Day Weekend at Pax Lodge (Yay Ruth comes tonight!! Oh and Mandy Fitz's sister too...) but this morning is the Thinking Day Service split between two venues and guess what? I am going to Westminster Abbey!!! Oh my gosh!! You ought to see me, uniform is all spiffy and my hair is straightened and my hat is brushed, I am really really excited! This is huge!

Ahem. Okay. I better go. We leave in an hour and a half....

Yay!

Rachael :-)

Oh Dear

2006-02-17T22:37:00.000-08:00

Evening.

You know I just sat here and read you e-mails and then I sat here and had a cry! Goodness can you imagine if someone came downstairs and saw me? How would I explain it?

Yes I like your mum's gift! I had it on not long ago while I was working away on some stuff. Added a bit to your letter and have everything under control for tomorrow. Oh accept my hat, I have to give that a brush. Damn. Must remember to do that. Point being I just had it on and I really do love it! You wait, it'll be the centre piece in my lounge room when I go home, I'll be so proud of it! Like I said, I think everyone here has seen it now.

Aww I have more candy coming, you treat me so well :-)

I don't know what brought on the nervous/foreboding feelings. I still have them a little but not as much. I believe enough to know that it's not here so I can only assume its something coming from the southern hemisphere. That worries me because my phone still isn't connected. But hey, I guess if its urgent enough they can contact me at Pax Lodge.

The staff meeting. We talked about three things. World Thinking Day (ie this weekend), The 15th Anniversary and the Pax Lodge Team Meeting which is an annual thing involving the Bureau and the Pax Lodge Team (obviously). It would seem that a lot of what's happening this weekend has been left until the last minute. I mean the HAs are still upstairs trying to get their acts together in regards to what it is they are doing. Doreen isn't impressed.

It was while we were talking about the 15th Anniversary that you came up. The topic was things we were going to do and one thing that was mentioned was either vastly improving our puppets show or creating a new one. Saying how we need a good puppeteer and Doreen was like 'Oh well we could always fly Erin Gow back over' and trust me, it took all my will power not to jump up and plead with her to do exactly that! Though Sally saw the smile that crept over my face. She just giggled to herself. See, people here do remember you and your puppeteering! Shame they won't fly you back for it though! We also talked about the vast communication problem in regards to a lot of the anniversary stuff. It was really awkward. But we sorted it.

The team Meeting in April was rather boring stuff, basically I need to sit in on it and the team are able to ask me questions should they wish to. That's kind of scary. I suppose I don't need to do a report so that's something. Oh the other thing about the Anniversary is that I've been asked to read something out. Heather said something similar to what I used to do for sessions, so I'm not entirely sure that means I am reading something already written or I need to write something new. I better clarify that. I can't believe I am spending all that day in the kitchen, I'm going to go mad.

What's the play about on Saturday night? Like is it a previously written show or something independent? Sometimes its nice to see something fresh, as long as it can be pulled off in a good manner. Mind you, the same applies for a previously written show too!

Australia's equivalent to the Grammy's are known as the ARIAs. They have far more class. We were talking about this today because there were a couple of us that watched the BRITs. We were all equally disgusted at them.

Erin's Mum is here at the moment. It's terrible. It's like having twins that laugh and talk and act the same. Its truly scary.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I start at 8am and we have the service at Westminster until 12 noon at which point we make our way back, I need to change, set up for activities, eat and be ready for the groups at about 1:45. This operates like an International Adventure afternoon until 5pm at which point I am to go into the Dining room and co-ordinate dinner and all the HAs to make sure everything is under control. At 6pm the campfire starts. It should finish around 7:30pm and after that we all head back into the dining room to clean up and do dishes. Come Sunday we get up and do it all over again. Minus the service of course.

I am very excited about going to the Service at Westminster Abbey. Its seriously one of those things you have to do but may only ever get the chance to do once and even then it doesn't mean you can go. Like I said before, it's like a pilgrimage. I will wear my uniform with pride and be proud of who I am. I think I should take tissues, I think I may cry. What I do know is that I'll be pretty tired by the end of it all.

For now I am off upstairs to bed. It's after 10:30 and I need to get as much sleep as I can. Good Night and Sweet Dreams.

Rachael :-)

Oh it's the Postman!

2006-02-17T18:57:00.000-08:00

Hey Nancy!!

So I went downstairs this morning and blow and behold before my day even begins there's a surprise waiting for me. I was excited! I've been waiting days and days and Sally was like 'It finally arrived'.

Well as you can imagine I was like, dying of curiosity or something. So I rip open the wrapping (technically I was really polite and used scissors) and take the first layer off, then the second and then I burst out laughing. Brilliant!! Aww man thank you so much!! Its so great!! I couldn't help myself, I had to get an adaptor for the plug and turned it on right there in reception!! You should have seen Heather's face when she come in and Sally and I are crouching in the corner watching this lamp spin round. I think I managed to show everyone that walked past!

Nancy, thank you so much!! I am so exited, and I've decided I'm going to put it on the table next to my TV so I can watch it in bed. Yet haven't quite figured out how I'd turn it off without climbing down the ladder. Minor detail really.

Bottom Line, thank you so much!!
Rachael :-)

A Good Night

2006-02-16T22:33:00.000-08:00

Ahh, a brief interlude!

I was just watching the BRIT awards (the UK equivalent to the Grammys) and James Blunt was singing that 'Beautiful' song and I sort of got all sad. I can't watch anything these days...

Actually I've never seen the BRITs before, we get them televised back in Oz but I've never bothered to watch them. I was very surprised at how drunk some of the people were who got up on stage and just how many singers sound terrible live. It was painful to hear.

I know Heather probably wasn't all that encouraging but I think something is going on with her. She hasn't been herself for quite s few days now, very snappy and not sad, but angry too. I don't know, just not your normal Heather. I know there is a lot going on and I think there were words had between the programme office and reception. I think Doreen and Janet got involved. My point being, she may not be encouraging because of that or other pressures. Still, I am glad to hear you are still putting an application in.

Sunday's phone call. I'm not phased about the time. I can call if you like, remember I get good minutes, great minutes for the same price you pay for your minutes. So I'm happy to call. I'm working so it won't be till about 7pm at the earliest which is 2pm your time. Up to you, what suits and do you have plans?

A weird feeling has crept over me in the past couple of hours. I'm very fidgety and restless. One of those kind of premonition moods, the ones where I get the feeling about something that's going to happen. Only I can't tell if it's good or not. Its odd. I am wondering what's going to happen in this meeting tomorrow. The feeling is like I should know about something, but I don't, but I'm gonna find out. I don't know, I know there is a lot of unrest here at the moment and I'm just hoping that's all it is. I can't imagine it's being too much else. I mean Janet told me that Doreen is going at the end of March regardless of them having a replacement or not. Hmmm, either that or I'm just being overly paranoid. Even my mum is paranoid about something. She just sent me an e-mail asking if I was okay because she hasn't heard from me in a long time. I e-mailed her a day and a half ago. Something is going astray, I can feel it.

Good grief I am now biting finger nails, this is bad!!

Okay I have a headache so I am going to bed. I'm going to attempt a morning walk tomorrow morning, we'll see how I feel when the alarm goes off.

Take care and we'll talk soon. Good Night,

Rachael

Hello

2006-02-15T23:06:00.000-08:00

Hi Nancy!

I thought I'd reply since I was down in the basement anyways.

Pax Lodge is always changing, its been a constant change since I arrived. It just seems lot worse right now because of the types of people we have here. In regards to the HAs, they are a very self centered group. This place cannot function with egocentrism. We need to operate as a team and be prepared for a bit of give and take. These girls don't understand that. They don't know what hard work is!! As for the rest of the staff, there are some big changes, and the level of patience has dropped. Everyone gets very snappy very quickly.

And just a tip, I am not the right person to be asking about spelling!! You ask Erin, I am terrible! I always have been. My English teachers loved me in the sense I was quite fluent with my writing and incredible even. But it was my ability to spell which let me down!

The ACT is an abbreviation for the Australian Capital Territory. Canberra, the Capital City of Australia. It is a territory, hence the abbreviation. Saying the ACT is easier than Canberra. I just forget that sometimes not everyone who receives my bulk e-mails will understand that!

A meat pie is a very Australian thing to have!! They're usually eaten at a Football Match (Australian rules, a cross between Rugby and Soccer) with tomato sauce (wait, Ketchup). Depending on where you buy them, they are usually the size of your palm and are basically a pie base with meat and gravy in them (again this varies) and a pastry lid on top. A good pie will be really thick. A well known brand is Four N Twenty and you'll often hear some say "I'd Love a Four N Twenty" and that's what they'll mean. There might be a better explanation in the book I sent if mine didn't make sense.

The WalkAbout is a string of so called Australian Pubs in London. If you ask me, they are what I call Occa Australian. Very stereotypical. And nothing like the pubs I've been to at home...but then I guess i do go to Irish Pubs to hear the live bands. But yes, there are at least a dozen WalkAbouts scattered across London and they get very full and popular and terrible places to be on a Friday and Saturday night because the place gets full of drunk, bum pinching wannabes. As you can see, not my favourite place to go! But it was Australia Day and it was only for a couple of hours during the day. Something different really.

Australia Day at home is a Public Holiday usually spent at a relatives place eating salad and sizzling meat from the barbecue. Stinking hot day with the Cricket on TV! Most people drink, I don't usually. But its a day of rest and catch up. That's just in case you didn't get enough family splendour at Christmas. Good grief!

Memoirs of a Geisha. I've always been very fascinated by other cultures. I found the story of the movie to be quite heavy in the sense it's not a light hearted movie. But the subject matter isn't light hearted either. In saying that, I really did enjoy it and for the first time in a long time looked at the movie as a story as opposed to looking at the technical elements of it. By studying film making in High School I forever changed the enjoyment I'd get out of seeing a movie! Its taken a bit of practice to see a movie as a story again! I think its definitely worth seeing. I cried so if you have a tendency to be sensitive or mushy in a romantic way, take tissues!! I didn't and had to use my sleeve!

No worries about the whole grilling thing, I seriously don't mind! And anytime you have any questions you think I could answer for you, just let me know and I'll give it my best shot!!

For now I am off to bed, am a bit tired tonight. I don't know why, I haven't done an awful lot!
Take care,
Rachael :-)

Greetings

2006-02-15T19:07:00.000-08:00

Hello,

I didn't read the Mark Twain paper yet. I went upstairs and put music on and then I started to write a letter to my girls and then I started to day dream and before I knew it, it was dinner time!! But I'll do it now.

Dinner was pizza which was nice, but there was a weird one with tuna on it...strange. Can I ask, do you think it's wrong for the HAs to go to the WalkAbout, get pissed and then announce where they work on stage in front of however many people in the place?

Down in reception before I overheard Heather talking about e-mails to Sally. She seems majorly pissed off today, it's weird. She's having a bad day maybe. Janet looks really tired. Apparently Australia got it's first medal in the games, yay! I don't know what it was though or what it was for. I need to check that out.

Later -Me

Ah-Ha! Hello!

2006-02-15T14:33:00.000-08:00

Hi You Two!!

Okay I know it's Wednesday and this story is a little old but you know sometimes I mean to e-mail and I just never get around to it.

You should both be very proud of me, Andrea more so because I guess that training came in handy?!!! So on Sunday night Shanna (good little christian girl from south Texas) went to the WalkAbout. Cheap Snakebites!! Anyhows, she didn't finish work till 9pm and by the time we got there it was like 9:35. Here's the good part. We only stayed an hour and 15 minutes and downed four Snakies each! Now see, I don't have the threshold for a lot of alcohol, though since being here it has increased. Well we laughed at everything! We even think Shanna broke her nose! Okay not funny but we were upstairs in the bathroom and I made her laugh and she like bent over at the same time and whacked her nose on the marble sink! Man, she's like 'oh my nose just cracked' and yeah. It was rather interesting!

So that's my little exciting story. You guys better be ready, my first Friday back I'm up for some good competition. You wait, I'll drink more in one sitting than I used to in one night!! That excludes the send off though, I drank a fair bit that night...

Hows it going in there by the way? Any exciting news? A wedding? A baby? Someone fired? I don't know, surely something interesting must happen, this is TRS we're talking about, always something going on!!

Catch you round,

Rachael :-)
P.S Andrea, where a good place to look for cash in hand work??

(No Subject)

2006-02-15T14:28:00.000-08:00

Heya Fiona!!

Its so good to hear from you! I don't hear much from anyone these days which is why I just send a bulk e-mail once in a while. I figure if people want to talk to me they will. I stopped caring along time ago. I got a bit upset I wasn't hearing from anyone. I got over it. What ever. Life goes on right?!

We've had two days of rain here and finally got a little bit of sunshine this morning. I am going for a walk a little later on to go pick up some photos I got developed yesterday. I am thinking I should take my bright red brolly with me!

I'm sounding a little down. Yes, that and a combination of being fed up. I've had money woes of late, the impact of not returning to work in January is starting to show its ugly head. Not only that, Pax Lodge isn't the same place anymore. Right now I want out. That might not be the case tomorrow, but right now, I want to be some place else.

Harry has gone to where?? Is he still in the building? What's the name of the fellow who replaced him? How big is the reshuffle going to be? What else has changed since I left? Am I going to walk into the place and not know where anything is? And how does the reshuffle impact on you?

No exciting trips lately, I'm going to Ireland at the start of March which I am very excited about. I've been hanging around Hampstead a lot, doing free stuff to try keep money in order.

Melbourne can't be that bad, I know I'd like to be there at the moment. What's Doggy doing in the UK? And how long is he here for?

Do I detect a little annoyance towards Al?? And they still haven't got rid of Jen? Maybe the new guy will give her the boot!

Well not a lot happening on a quiet day off. Say hi to Col for me, and anyone else who may remember me! Has Sammy finished her house yet?

Okay, I'm off, catch you when I do!
Rachael :-)

P.S Bitching is a very healthy habit, helps you to live longer!

I am Back

2006-02-13T22:47:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Its been a pretty uneventful few hours. Apparently the evening programme people left early, by the sounds of it, it wasn't going too well. Apparently the girls got really board. Not a great thing!

As for me well I've caught up on letter writing and cards. I think I will post them tomorrow. So aside from that I watched some of the winter games in Torino and ate some phish food which was really good. I'm not a huge fan of it, but sometimes it's the right combination and hits the spot.

I ended up doing Tricia's night duty lock up training for Janet. You should have seen it. I went downstairs to get a cup of tea and was going to go back up to my room and keep writing. So I was in my purple slippers, my green skirt and my black singlet top (the one with the little sparkly bits around the top) and didn't look all that fashionable. While I was standing there talking, Shanna left some of her Texas stuff on the table in reception while they continued with after dinner duties. I ended up with Shanna's GSUSA scarf on, folded and worn like a tie sort of Avril Lavigne meets Juliette Lowe style, it didn't add to a great over all look. Janet was so tired so I offered to do the lock up stuff with Tricia. Poor Tricia was dead tired too.

There is good news, Janet is going home for 11 days on the 24th of Feb! She was soooo excited, she came out today and told us. I haven't seen her smile so much in a long time. It'll be the first time she'll meet Cameron whom she should of met last June when she was there for his birth, but he came late thus she missed it! I'm happy for her.

Tomorrow we find out who is getting the delivery. Tis very exciting.

Anyhows, I am off to bed, I still need to write in my journal, I haven't for like three days now! How slack is that?!

Rachael

Evening Time

2006-02-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

Good Evening.

Dinner was okay and there is evening programme tonight which means all the HAs will be kept busy and I can wander around and do whatever. I think perhaps more Ben and Jerrys is on the list. Yum. A good chocolate one, might even go so far as to get Phish Food.

Am a lot annoyed at Senior Staff right now, well not Janet and not Breanne and not Sally. Doesn't leave many left hey! It comes back to communication in this place. With the 15th Anniversary coming up, Breanne has been dealing with the correspondence coming into the anniversary account and she went and asked Janet something this afternoon. Anyway the saga goes on and Breanne comes back a bit miffed and like 20 minutes later Janet calls me into her office. Long story short, she is under the impression after being told by Doreen that I am in charge of all the correspondence surrounding the anniversary and how I should be putting an out of office note on the anniversary email account on my days off. As you can imagine I just about fell off the chair. No one has told me any of this and that's why Breanne was miffed because Janet told her that should be my stuff not hers. Well Breanne wasn't aware of this either! I said to Janet that I haven't been told anything like that, I've no idea. I don't have a problem doing it, but I'd like to be told first that it should be things I'm doing. Grrr. Anyway so Janet is going to talk to Heather about it.

We had two police officers come for lunch today, the one I had the photo with and another one. We got talking about Breanne having to go up the road to give a statement to the police and they were saying that every single ATM on Hampstead high street has been tampered with at various points in time. Great. Just what we need to hear. Anyway we warned everyone about using the cash machines in this mornings meeting. Its crazy. There is a big bank scam which has just erupted onto the media at the moment, its everywhere.

So I think I might go up stairs now and start to unwind. Change out of my uniform, settle in for a nice quiet night.

Good Morning

2006-02-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

So day five is about to start and then I am off. I'm excited, its been a pretty busy week and am looking forward to not having to deal with the office. And HAs and just work in general.

Now, last night. Shanna comes up and tells me she's in great need of a Snakebite (which she's now hooked on) and that the WalkAbout does them for two pounds on a Sunday. No one else wants to go with her, so will I go? Thus, I ended up going. Have to admit, Sundays are far better, there is about a third of the crowd there, maybe less and the music is a lot more clear! It was a due last night and in their breaks an Aussie got up and sang a John Farnham song! Yay! Sorry, he's an Aussie artist. But they were good and it was more of a relaxed atmosphere with literally no sleaze.

But there was one guy and he was harmless really. We'd been there maybe an hour at this point and Shanna goes off to the loo and then to get another round of drinks. Literally as soon as she left, he came over. Would have been about 35-45 I think. And he was just talking, I mean where I go on a Friday night at home (on the rare occasion I go out) the crowd is a lot older thus they are a lot more friendly in the sense you can actually have a conversation with them without them expecting to be laid. And if they do, they're polite about it. Entirely different style of person and I can deal with that.

So he comes over and he could hear Shanna and I talking and asks where in America I was from. I laughed and told him I was an Aussie. He was asking about Scouts and all sorts (he was a Canadian here working for a bank firm) and eventually Shanna comes back with drinks and he was sort of hanging around talking and Shanna was talking to him and so I make a point of bringing up Shanna's wedding plans and so she goes on about that for a while. I mean I knew he came over to talk to me, but it brought the subject up. It goes on and he asks about home and I sort of made a point of saying I was looking forward to going home and starting my life with my Partner. I see Shanna's eyebrow raise, but she goes along with it and he asks about if I too was getting married. He he he. I told him there would be a few issues with that because our Prime Minister wasn't thinking of legalising it any time soon. He was like oh so its a she and I was like yeah...and about 30 seconds later he was like 'excuse me, I have to go' and I was like yeah I so knew that would get rid of him!!

Anyway, Shanna was like "Your partner?" and I knew she wasn't sure about that because her body language had changed completely. I reassured her that it was the only ploy that was sure to get (guys from home) to leave without telling them they were dog ugly or you weren't interested. By saying something like that they realise they are wasting their time and don't get all insulted at the same time. So I had to reassure Shanna it was only a ploy and its fine, I don't have a partner waiting at home for me.

We laughed the whole way home and Shanna was trashed, but in a good way. She was just really happy and jovial. We talked about a few different things at Pax and she's annoyed that the HAs as a whole are branded as being lazy. Coz she's not.

But that was my night really. It was funny. I was tired and I had two drinks under my belt. I was conscious that while I still was quite conscious, when I have a drink I get all sappy and yeah, I do enough of that! Thus it was a short good night and a little sap.

Anyways, I should go up for work and see if Shanna has surfaced.

Rachael :-)

Hello

2006-02-12T19:07:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better.

I think we'd make a great pair of old ladies!!

See told you I'd been hounding Ruth, though I am surprised that she e-mailed you about it. Almost seems like a not Ruth thing to do. I mean she usually won't talk about that kind of thing and yet here she is telling you off her own cause, although she may assume that I have been talking to you or vice versa. Either way its no big deal.

You know how I mentioned the flags going on the building some time back? Well it seems that they will be up for the 15th anniversary which is kind of interesting. Doreen and Janet are currently down here in the basement going on about flags and poles and ropes and its sort of amusing really. Weird things amuse me.

I'm not corrupting the good little christian girl. She's doing that herself!

I want to see the snow!!

I am going upstairs.

Me

Morning Light

2006-02-12T07:37:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

My check in finally arrived at 1:37am this morning. I had given up trying to stay awake thus lay down on my bed in my civilian clothes and thought for a while and started to doze and then the buzzer went off! Dang! But that was good because it then meant I was able to change into PJs and get into bed and relax and actually go to sleep. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off 15 minutes ago and I just want to go back to bed. Need lots of toothpicks this morning.

How are you?

Only two more days of work to go. Today will be long simply because I feel so tired. No dreams last night either, that I can remember anyways. Only one guest in house tonight which is a little sad. Back to the quiet Pax. Not that I mind. One of last years session participants went to Madame Tussuad's while they were here and signed up to the mailing list and have just received a 2 for 1 voucher to go. So Breanne and I snaffled it and we're going on the 23rd. People keep giving me mixed ideas as to if it's worth the money, so 2 for 1 I'll make the most of and go. Then we are trying to decide where we'll eat for dinner that night.

Ha you'll laugh, when Shanna and I went to the Milkshake Place for dinner the other night, we were at the dinner table at Pax before eating and Heather says to me 'You're not eating' so I reply by telling her that Shanna and I are going out for dinner. Well the table erupts into laughter when Shanna turns around and says 'Yeah a little intimate dinner for two since we're dating and all' and well, I couldn't help but think of you. Sally just looked at me and laughed.

See back to Pax again. I tried! I was thinking how sun burnt I would have been by now if I had gone home. Come February I'm usually wishing the summer away because it's too hot for me. Silly really. But I suppose not in all regards as our winter isn't as harsh as the London winter. We at least keep daylight a hell of a lot longer than they do here! Its not so bad, we're getting back to still having daylight at 5pm. I like that idea! I can't wait for it to get a bit later so I can go out for my evening walks again. Thus far the attempts to try do it in the morning before work haven't been too successful. I haven't done it once!

Well I really have to go. Take care and look after yourself. For now, I am off. I'm actually a little hungry.

Rachael :-)

Erin!!! I Yell as I Run Down the Hall

2006-02-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!!

A tad excitable really. I like morning like this :-)

After I finish writing you last night I went into the dining room to get a mug of horlics and ended up just sitting there by myself with the ghosts of summer again. Its a nice kind of feeling. But in the end some of the conference people came back and I talked to them for a little while then went up to bed, wrote in my journal, realised there was nothing of interest on the Tv and turned the light out. No dreams. Not a single one. Well, that I can remember.

Yes its fine if you give your mom my e-mail address! Good grief you really have to ask? I have hers, and I meant to add her to my address book so I she could get my big e-mails too, but I think somewhere in there I just forgot to and well, here we are. No problem, give it to her! And no I don't mind at all if she wants to me to do Guides Oz stuff!! I would love to. I was kind of hoping that maybe I'd somehow get a better understanding of Girl Scouts while I was there but I sort of put it off until things were a little more concrete or got closer to happening. That would be very cool!! On one condition though. I get some groovy troop number to sew somewhere! I think that the troop number idea is cool, sorry. Me being a corny tourist again. I'll look up the websites at another point in time, maybe when I am sitting in the office tonight.

Poor Mike, I just knew he was misunderstood. Tell him to hang in there, I'm on my way! Just a little slow, that's all! Tell him I am swimming which is why it's taking so long!

Yes, I too like the second Delta CD. Most of the songs on the mixed CDs are just random songs I like. But Anastacia's Welcome to my Truth, the I still Love song, you guessed right!! It was my favourite song on the album which I brought the day it came out. She didn't realise that song on radio until some eight or so months later but I loved the song because of the very reasons you outlined. I am still here, still kicking along and smiling, even after everything that's happened.

I don't think my anticipation of you asking about Penny was logic or insecurity. It may have been a bit of both. I don't know, I just expected it. And what made me realise this was my life? In all honesty it probably started about three years back but it wasn't until I lived in my own place and had my own job and car that I sort of went, hey I can do what I like. Meredith for me was a big part in my change. I saw a person I didn't want to become in some regards. And I learnt a lot of things from her too. Yet she was a lot more liberal growing up than I am so I did draw the line at things, including her view on living a little more!

There lots more I could talk about but I have to head upstairs for flag. So I have to go.

Rachael :-)

A Good Night (Yet Long Again)

2006-02-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings!

Its Friday fish night here and Shanna and I sat through dinner (I was working, she wasn't) long enough for guests to clear out (I couldn't get out of dinner) and then we literally ran up to the Milkshake place for dinner for real food!! We've only just come back now.

But on with your questions and my explanations...let me see, where did I get to....okay, writing without a goal in mind. In some regards I knew that Day and Night was going to be about Rachel exploring a part of herself she'd never really seriously considered before. Thus in that regard I guess maybe I was exploring myself too. But as long as it stayed on paper then it couldn't become too real. With me it's not so much a case of not realising I was attracted to females, it's more of a case of not allowing myself to be because of what other people may think. Its not until recently, less than 12 months now, that I honestly came to understand that this was my life and I had to do what made me happy. Still, I'd not taken a same sex relationship into account. It was never on the cards. But on the same token I wasn't going to deny the chance either. I mean Veronica said to me everyone thought I was going to come back engaged to the love of my life. She said to me, what if it ends up being a female?? I laughed at her. She just smiled, maybe she knew better. She was the only one to know about my confusion over Penny.

The real life saga with Veronica and Scott was worthy of an Oscar!! He actually did live in London and was about four of five years older than us. I can remember spending endless hours talking to him with her, we were up until all hours of the morning. He was a nice guy. Very much into music like Veronica was, that's how they first met up I guess. I decided to use that in my story but kind of moulded it to my own twisted version of fate, so I could temper it to achieve what I wanted to in the fictional world I was creating.

Am I sure I let go of Penny? He he he, you know after I sent Day and Night I anticipated that question. I went 'Oh I know what she'll ask' and I wasn't too far off!! Yes, I let go of Penny. It took time, but I did. More than anything I would love to have her friendship back. We got along very well and were both kind of crazy at times. I reached a point where I realised that relationships were complicated things. And I saw how happy Erin made her. I was kinda shocked to find out they've been dating for like two years. I never saw her going for someone younger. Point being yes I let go of Penny. I came to realise maybe she just was in my life to let me understand it was okay to care about people, to trust a little more.

Well from Penny to Matt. What a leap. I honestly did care a lot for Matt. He was my first real boyfriend and the first person I guess I could begin to say I loved. I spent a lot of the relationship feeling very insecure about myself. In the end I think that's what brought an end to us. I mean there were other factors involved but after four months I still had moments where I didn't trust him. No that's not right. I did trust him. I don't think I trusted myself. I dwelt too much, I was still reserved with him. We had a lot of good times and related on an intellectual level. And he was very different to most guys I'd ever associated with. In some regards I think I did try use him to convince myself I only wanted guys! And yet I can also say I really was interested in him for being him. We saw each other New years Weekend (04/05) and talked a lot and realised we were better as friends and we are. Simple as that. We live very different lives and want different things. Somehow I get the feeling he was very new at the whole relationship thing too.

Again killing off Michael Stone was a way to make Rachel see there was nothing left for her in the States. In my mind I think if Stone had lived, they'd have made a go of things. I don't think there is anything specific which made me want to kill him off. From what I can remember Stone wasn't killed off until after I started Night and Day. No wait, when I started Spirit of Truth. Rachel needed a reason to leave the FBI and that was all a part of it. The office and the building held too many memories. So she moved up North. If anything it would also make Rachel experience a new set of emotions. Who knows, maybe I did it around the time I got over Penny. Like a way to reflect what I was feeling too. I don't know. I know I had no where near the depth of emotion that Rachel had for Michael. Yeah maybe I did it around that time...

Rachel and Alex was a random thing that happened as I was going along.

Veronica copped a lot of ridicule about her relationship. It spread through the school like wildfire and I was one of the few friends who stood by her through the tough times. When we left high school we spent heaps of time hanging out. We pretty much were the only person either of us kept in contact with. Shortly after high school, Vee spilt with her other half who went out with another girl from out year level. So I think I helped Vee through that too. We went to a lot of Alumni school functions together and were wanting to start a business and all sorts. Somehow people got it into their heads we were dating. We didn't find this out until we went to the school production a year or so back and was talking to one of the teachers who happened to randomly ask how the house was going (we were indeed going to share a flat at some point) and we said we weren't living together and we then got asked if we'd broken up!!

Yeah, a lot of people got the wrong idea. It was sort of funny really. After that we joked a lot about it too. We're mates and always will be. There is no way in the world I'd even think about a relationship with her. Her morals are very different to mine and after seeing what she put her other half through -no thank you! Nah, we are just very different people with different ideals and we're great friends, no way! Argh, now I have to try get that idea out of my head, scarred for life now!

She didn't so much teach me what to look for in a chick. I guess she was just more liberal around me because she knew it didn't phase me. I remember us having a conversation one day about chicks when we were in the city. It was utterly hilarious to see what she looked for. So as a joke she's like 'what would you look for?' and yeah it went from there. It was all pretty harmless and tongue in cheek. No I never had a thing for Nat! She was very funny. I told her about that convo with Vee and she laughed, she was like 'Yeah I had a mate like that' and she'd also done the same thing with Gay guys. She's a crack up. I never saw Nat in that way. I wanted to have a body like hers though, I will admit that. I think that's why I took notice. Nat has the body shape I would like. Not overly thin, but curved in the right places. That's all. Besides, she's into guys from what I know. Not that it much matters to me anyway!

What was the go with me and Ben? Well, to be honest I don't know. I warmed very quickly to his personality. When I first moved to the crime department in August 2003, I used to go over the road on a Friday with Zoe and Chrissie and have a drink with the boys (OJ on my part). Apparently I met Ben way back then. He'd broken his mouse on his computer and had asked Chrissie to get him a replacement and in turn she had come to me. I got one. So we're at the bar one Friday evening and he obviously twigged as to who I was and what I'd done and just walks up and goes 'I love you!' and I just looked at him. Apparently the look on my face told him I thought he was insane and I wanted to run in the other direction. Knowing me that's exactly what my face would have said. Only I don't remember that. Apparently numerous times after that occurrence he'd say hi to me in the lift I would look at him in that same insane scared way. Again I have no recollection of this.

It wasn't until March of 05 when Chrissie graduated to be a copper that in my mind we met for the first time. We ended up sitting next to each other at the table and would go out for cigarettes. I ended up driving him home that night and we just talked the whole way. And it kind of went from there. I didn't realise what was going on until Meredith pointed it out to me. As soon as she did that the way I looked at him changed. She was telling me 'just go for it' and I was like 'and do what? Have a one night stand?'. She pretty much in a round about way said yes because I needed to live a little more. That's not me. In the end I asked him out. He said no because he'd not long broken up with someone.

We didn't talk for like two weeks and it was all awkward between us. We got over it and were good mates again, then he started the whole flirting thing, quite openly and very bluntly and I wasn't used to that, I'd never been on the receiving end of that. So again I'm talking to Meredith about it and she's like just live a little. I can't do that you know, I just can't. In the end I decided to smarten up (allegedly) and invited him to my 21st. He told like everyone we knew to come!

People who I had invited to the party, he was chasing them up getting them to come and asking if I'd sorted everything like the DJ and all. I just laughed, it was really weird. On the night of my 21st I had a bit too much to drink (not drunk) and stupidly took Meredith's advice and as he was leaving I just wanted to run after him and kiss him! It was the weirdest thing! Never had that feeling in my life. It was a big flirting session really and I ended up asking him to come to my hotel room the night before I left. Looking back, I am glad he didn't. I did a lot of drinking in the days leading up to leaving. And I think for the most part I was kind of hormonal. Good grief the guy is 11 years older than me. Most coppers flirting I just brush off because that's how most of them are. Somehow he got under my skin. That's all.

Masks. Right, yes I do live in masks for most of my everyday life. It comes back to being brought up to keep up appearances and live up to other people's expectations. My guiding has done a lot for my self esteem in recent years. It pulled me through some very dark parts of my life. I wear my uniform with pride now, like a suit of armour. I am allowed to be responsible but a kid as well. I have learnt that most people in this movement don't expect anything more than you can give. Its very different to every day environments, like work or school. There are very few people who get to see past that.

Okay, back to Alex and Rachel again. Day and Night is the only Rachel and Alex story I have! Like I said I haven't written anything in some time now and Day and Night was where I left things off. But yes you are right, to this date Rachel doesn't have a life after D & N. I just haven't had the chance to write it yet. She has a life leading up to it which you kind of learn about through the first stories, but nothing after. At least not yet.

You have to remember that up until I was 18 and a half I had never dated anyone, nor had any real desire to date anyone. I was always under the assumption that if love wanted me, it could come and find me. I wasn't going to go look for it. Beside, I had no idea how to handle it! It had crossed my mind at one point that maybe I just wasn't into guys and was destined to be single my entire life. I used to joke about being a nun. But being attracted to females never crossed my mind because in my mind, it wasn't allowed. And I couldn't be like all the other girls. The thought of being intimate with someone required a lot of trust and emotion and I'm sorry, having a one night stand just doesn't cut it for me. To sleep with any number of people for fun doesn't fit in with my morals! Veronica always told me if I was waiting for someone to spend my life with, I was going to wait a long time. She said I took relationships too seriously. She too thought I should live a little more. I never could. I never gave my number to anyone I met when I was out. But I guess that was a lot to do with the fact I was a bit of a social recluse. My mum would never let me go out, I was allowed to the cinema with friends after I turned 16 and even then she had to take me there and pick me up. My only way to get out was through guides. Which is why it became a huge chunk in my life. I in the end decided I didn't have the time for finding boys and having sex. It probably wasn't all that great anyways. I had also to some degree had a very prim and proper upbringing. I never saw the piano scene in Pretty Woman until I was 18, my mum never let me see it! Now that I look at it, there's nothing much to it!

Everything I learnt about sex and relationships came from school. So it was a rather distorted but realistic view of it. It was raw and unedited and seemed as every bit a gross as it sounded. The kind of relationship I wanted was far too poetic and abnormal for my school friends. So I sat in my own little world and hoped one day the right person would come along. It never phased me. It wasn't until I was around couples a lot more that I started to feel left out and that I was un-datable. I now know that's not the case and I know that if you are patient, good things do come to you. And that the relationship of trust and care and love that I had always dreamed of but often thought too good to be true, is actually possible.

And so after dribbling on for all this time, I really do feel the need to go to bed. It's now after 10:30.

Rachael

P.S If you have more questions, you know you can ask away!!

Morning Chit Chat

2006-02-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!!

Okay, so I think the reply to your first e-mail may get long like the one I did last night. I don't know, it depends on how far off track I get. So I'm gong to answer the shorter answer ones and hopefully will keep enough time to go to flag. And for your own peace of mind, I stopped walking on eggshells some time ago. Actually probably not that long ago, I'd say Christmas maybe. I was just too scared of my own emotions and the depth I was going to feel them.

See Delta is a great artist! I love the thought her songs can provoke, and I like the way they provoke them. Last night on Earth is indeed the name of the song, good job!

My mass e-mails are something I am very awake that everyone gets. Different people in different parts of my life (work, guides, school, family) see the emails I send and I'm very conscious of what it is I write. Most of the time. I have moments where I slip. But in general, I think that my 'mask' comes out because I don't want people to know me too well. Especially work people. Fiona will e-mail me privately and ask how I am going. The big emails go to pretty much everyone I know. The people who genuinely care how things are going e-mail me back otherwise it's just a general catch up as to what has been going on. I try not to make it too personal. Indeed you probably have gotten used to me without the mask. You should feel privileged, that's a side most don't see!

No one else has ever read Day and Night, but then most of the other stuff I have written has only been seen by Carly and odd bits and pieces by Veronica. My very first long story was read by my English teacher and a few of my class mates of the time. Well I guess I was kind of reading it to them. Poems are what people most see, but even then its only a few. So back to Day and Night, only you've read it. Yes it's obvious that the name Rachel has come from me and part of the way I spilt the two of us was dropping the second a in Rachael. It helped a little! Rachel Manchester came to life mid 1999 when Veronica and I first became friends. Manchester in the beginning needed a side kick and well Veronica was it. I always meant to change names further down the track but never did because they stuck, you know they took on a personality of their own. While Veronica has indeed been killed off, it's only because Rachel needed to literally start fresh.

There is a case that I haven't written yet, but it takes place between something called The Spirit of Truth and Day and Night. Its the case that brings Rachel back to Australia. It brings her face to face with a ghost from her past which is something you haven't come across yet because its' not mentioned in Day and Night. The Rachel Manchester saga is long, she has history!! Its starts in Butterfly, then to Free Fall, then something called Pasquinade, which leads to The Spirit of Truth and finally to Day and Night. She has a big saga!

You were right about Rachel's morals and sleeping with Michael. She denies it in the beginning because she is repulsed by what she's done. Again that's something that comes out during the course of Day and Night. There are hints of a close friendship in The Spirit of Truth but never to the degree which will emerge in Day and Night.

Right, my dear, I have to leave it at that because I have to go upstairs!!! I made it to the half way point of your e-mail without getting this too long. How cool is that!! What I might do is at some point put together a little time line so you can figure out what goes on when in my world of fiction!

Argh, have to go, don't get carried away again!

Rachael :-)

Greetings from Up North!

2006-02-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

Hello to all!!

Well I can't believe its been nearly a month since I wrote, but then when you look at how quickly time goes by here then I suppose its not all that surprising! The bad part is that I am having a hard time trying to figure out what I've told you and what I haven't!! So I'll just go for a recap of the year thus far and see how we go.

I spent the better part of January feeling about as great as a seasick passenger crossing Bass Straight in mid July! While the vampire doctors took blood, it came back all clear and everything was hunky dory. Or so it would seem. While I know part of what I have been feeling is physical (pretty much had no energy and felt like crap! Slept lots too...), I would have to be a fool if I tried to tell myself it wasn't an emotional thing as well. However, slowly but surely I am getting there. It sometimes feels like the bad days are out weighing the good ones, yet I am sure that's just a figment of my imagination!!

January also brought the return of an old and dear face to Pax Lodge. Yes, Ruth returned! It was a lovely couple of days and I got out of the building and perhaps got to relive memories and moments I feel I miss so much. Its odd to think I can now miss things about London too, Melbourne is one thing, but London? Either way I got out to Speakers Corner again and Covent Garden. Spent a couple of hours wandering around Camden and caught up on news and photos and videos from home (for both of us). Ruth had brought a video of her girls at camp and well since I had my girls on video too (thanks Mick and Vic!) I had to show them off too!!

Hmm for those a little lost there, my aunt and uncle did a home video and sent it over for Christmas. Had all the animals and a drive into the city on it, saw the streets of Broady (one can miss that!) and even my car! But yes, they did a visit to my Guide Unit one night which by the time it came onto the screen I was bawling my eyes out. While being at a World Centre is great and all, and dealing with people on literally a global level, I miss the day to day thing. The guiding on a local level, my little unit. I miss the interaction with the girls. Sometimes life at Pax gets too complex and I'd give anything to go back to making paper mache piggy banks...

January also found me celebrate my first Australia Day overseas! Have to admit, it was only the second time in history where I'd started drinking during daylight hours! The other involved tequila shots...but Louise and I (yay another aussie) headed into central London to the Shaftsbury Ave Walk About. I couldn't believe how packed it was!! I have some great photos of me and my beer and a cool Fosters hat, plus the first meat pie I'd had in like 8 months! It tasted sooooo good!! Lots of drunk Australians, plenty from Melbourne, hardly any from the ACT. Five different TV screens with five different sports playing. I am amazing at just how many aussies there are in this city and that was only going to one place!!

Other random things in January included getting on a Webcam in Covent Garden with Sally to wave to her mum in South Africa while talking to her on the phone, getting a photo with a bunch of Bikies which reminded me of Hells Angels (yeah not making a habit of that either!), celebrating lots of birthdays and one of the worst things to happen was the Senior Staff doing a 28 day detox. It was pure hell and I didn't even do it!! No I guess more than anything I just became tired of the complaining. I mean come on guys, self inflicted! Because of this we had some very interesting cakes for birthdays one of which could have double for a dry skin/corn scrubber type thing. It was horrible! An important moment was finally getting my new credit card to arrive in the mail!! Mate I tell you I haven't used it in an ATM since I got it!! I am terrified to!

Have seen a couple of movies too. If I remember rightly I mentioned the Gay Cowboy Movie (Brokeback Mountain) but have since seen Rumour Has It and Memoirs of a Geisha which I really enjoyed. And yes I cried! Shanna laughed at me...Also read a few more good books. The thing I like about it being so cold outside (and I mean cold) is that I want to stay inside and curl up with a book or two!

The part of the new year has in true Pax Lodge style seen people come and go. We had our Long Term Resident Kat leave us, which initially was a great thing, but as crazy as it sounds, I actually miss having her around. Another recent departure (and literally within the past few days) was Eri, the HA from Japan. There's no one here to make funny noises or get really confused when we all talk at the same time! In essence she was the last of my HAs to leave. I am it now which is kind of sad when you consider how things are now. New arrivals found a new Long Term Resident from New Zealand arrive. Also two more HAs to add to the mix. Rachel from Maine, USA and Tricia from Sydney, NSW. Yep that's right, the aussies are invading Pax Lodge! Actually poor Heather today looked really confused, between Tricia and I we had the typical humour flying around which if you don't understand, can confuse the hell out of you.

I also went to see a stage show called Stomp. While the concept was interesting and the way it was presented quite smart, I don't ever want to see it again! An hour and a half of sound effects made by people on stage just doesn't cut it. My brain needs a story or something to focus on, not noise!! As I said, it was good, but no need to see it again! On the subject of shows, one of the ladies next door (well she's Doreen's boss so that makes her important!) has a brownie group who were in a pantomime. A few of us went out a few Friday's back to see it. A tiny little church hall with minimal heating and really bad acting is what we got!! It was cute and all, but it was the longest three hours of my life!! The best part about that night was walking to Finchley while it was snowing lightly, a whole new magical experience, especially since it was dark.

Work wise the office is still the office really. I went and did a two day Access course which I really enjoyed, both on the brain level and the stomach level. Good food! Actually it was nice to in a sense go to work and leave the building. While some would consider living where you work a convenience, I long for the days of the rush hour drive home or the squished public transport commute. I felt so good to have to be out at a certain time to get a certain bus and be somewhere by a certain time. To be able to leave the building at lunch. To mix with other people. Then try fight for a seat coming home and being delayed because of traffic. You don't realise how much you miss that.

Oh how could I forget the most exciting news of all! Actually, some of you might be terrified at the thought. But Pax had a brush with crime! Ha! Well technically the two people actually tried to break into the Bureau but they still came in our back garden and shifted the view of our CCTV camera and spent like 12 minutes on the property and even came down near the doors of Pax Lodge! It was all so exciting, you should have seen us all crowded in Doreen's Office looking at the footage. The police and everything got involved. So yours truly ended up sitting there and going through all the footage and writing down what they did at what time and got taken next door into the recording studio to see Glen and see their security cameras (they are sooo cool) and well, just generally felt a little bit of a buzz of excitement, just like being back in reception of a squad! Pathetic I know, but still exciting.

KFC down the road burnt down or exploded or something. For a while there (for Monique's benefit) we thought about how Kumar was doing....

Last Sunday I ended up working because we had a huge International Adventure Day!! We were expecting 90 odd people, 78 of which were kids! Most people who were sane would say no when asked to sacrifice a day off to work, nope not me!! Ha! Aww mate I tell you, it was great fun! In the end we ended up with maybe 50 kids or so come, but it was still the biggest International Day I'd seen in my time. It was a bit of a shock to the new HAs too. Actually in general I think everything is a bit of a shock to them! I had to laugh, yesterday Shanna over flowed the bath on the first floor! She forgot about turning the tap on and it flooded the little bathroom and the water came down through the roof into reception!! Goodness Me!

One thing I continuously say to you guys that I like about Pax Lodge is the change in the team. Like a huge Big Brother psychology experiment. HA wise I'm not sure we've got a functioning team. I know that sounds really horrible. But it almost seems like they are operating as individuals rather than a team. We have some very strong personalities. What I find most amusing, perhaps that's not the right word, is that several of them have said to me they came here expecting a family type of feeling and its not like that at all. Up until now I would have disagreed. Yet recently its like it has lost the family feel. More than anything its probably just a phase and probably because we have got a pretty green group of HAs. So in that sense you'd still think the rest of the staff are okay. But as far as I can tell, that too has changed, Erin and I used to come up with theories all the time. The one we always anticipated but never occurred was Pax Lodge Imploding on Itself. Right now I feel like that is not far off happening. Everyone seems really agitated and pissed off a lot more. I find that the Pax Lodge I once knew and loved isn't here any more.

Hmmm I've done a lot of complaining haven't I? That and things I miss or things which aren't the same. Maybe right now I am just in limbo. Stuck between wanting to leave but not wanting to go back to Australia just yet. Perhaps I just don't know what I want! Or perhaps I just haven't adapted to the changes here as well as I thought I had. Who knows. What I am looking forward to is the summer and more sunshine and many more adventures. I hope. I am also looking forward to Thinking Day and Pax Lodge's 15th Anniversary in March. There are some big celebrations ahead. I also look forward to seeing old friends and faces. Ruths (both of them!), Kacey, Erin, Kathy and Kate. And anyone else who wants to come and visit!!

Actually I had Mandy Fitzpatric's sister come and visit me yesterday! That was kinda cool! So my Guide people, if you could pass on my thanks and regards to Mandy that would be great.
For now I have talked far too long. I really should go.

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the summer as hot as it seems to be. Please stay safe and take care, drop me a line sometime!!

Your Aussie over here,
Rachael :-)

Righty-o, Here I go!

2006-02-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

Good Evening !!

I made it through the day! For a while there I wasn't sure I was! I thought that perhaps I'd drown somewhere in paper or go deaf from phone calls or get sucked into the computer screen never to return. Its been a long day and very busy. And yet poor Xenia still has about 12-13 people to check in at some stage over the course of the night.

Speaking of checking people in, Sally tells me I have about a 2am check in on Saturday night. Yay! Well, no, not really but I'll deal with it.

Okay, so I printed off your e-mails and I am going to work through them and see how we go. Perhaps I'll answer questions as I go and maybe I'll create more! Who knows! He! I like this, I like having to think this through a lot more and explain it. Real time to flesh things out.

I don't know what this next meeting with Doreen is about. Its on the 25th and I am just assuming its the supervisory meeting that is supposed to happen every month but hasn't been. I can't think of too many reasons why she'd want to talk to me. I mean, maybe this whole HAC thing but aside from that I think everything is okay. So while I am a little nervous about it, I'm also not that worried. Its just routine.

Right. Writing. Description is the key to writing, but there is also a balance. I find that everything I look at in the world, I see slightly differently to most people. Like an Artist or a Photographer. You look for the things you can use, the material, the perspective. I try to soak up as much realness as possible. I pay attention to the way leaves move, the shade they turn, the sound they make. How far the moon seems in comparison to buildings and the depth of silver it has. Common day occurrences are those most forgotten in a story. For an environment to be real, you have to pull from real life. You have to feel it. Be able to close your eyes and see it, but should you see it without closing them, then that's even better. To be able to be taken to that very moment, that slip in time. I've spent dark nights in bus shelters in the rain. Its not fun. But its always interesting to watch how things move, how lights reflect. How the rain falls and flows. The way lightening flashes around the sky.

When I initially started to write Day and Night, I didn't want to take it anywhere. More than anything it was a particular situation I wanted to write down and turn away like an old journal. Out of mind, thus out of sight. Didn't quite go as planned. As things went along, I realised that Rachel Manchester in some regards played out morals I had. Beliefs I had. And yet there was always a distinct difference between she and I. Most people in the real world who knew of her existence, knew this. I realised that by writing about a situation I was in a sense prohibited from, I could in some regard still experience it through my alter ego.

Quite surprisingly, the very first words appeared one sunny afternoon as I sat in my tent in the middle of a green field in the Midlands of England. July of 2002 was a great summer. But it was also the beginning of the decomposition of a good friendship. I was just 18, I was facing the prospect of leaving high school, moving out of my aunt and uncles and trying to work out just why I seemed un-datable. I had a strong friendship with a good friend and without giving it much thought, I realised what I was feeling was beyond friendship. I can even remember the split moment the thought occurred to me. It was one of the first few days of camp in England, Penny had been disputing something with Kathy. I later walked into our tent to find Penny curled up in a ball and in tears. She always struck me as a very strong person, so much stronger than I. In that moment I felt my heart break and I couldn't figure out why. As I knelt down and gave her a hug to comfort (something we often did for each other) I found myself thinking I didn't want to find someone like her to be with, I wanted to be with her. Yes, that scared the hell out of me!!

I spent the next few days distancing myself. Somewhere in there I began to play with the idea, yet knowing I would disappoint so many people. Thus Day and Night was born of my own aspects of myself, how I could be one person during the day, yet at night I found myself with my thoughts and the person I actually was.

So quite obviously as you figured out, there are strong parallels between Myself and Manchester and indeed Penny and Jane. Yet that's about as far as it really goes. Scott was indeed based on a real person, indeed he lived in London and indeed was a friend of Veronica's. See, there is a history with Scott and Veronica which is pretty much something that happened in real life. Scott quite liked Veronica. She wasn't interested but decided to string him along to see how far it would go. It reached a point where I found what she was doing awful. And I ended up telling him what was going on. He was really hurt, as you can imagine, but still remained friends with her. He thanked me endlessly for telling me the truth and we too became good friends. If anything I envied veronica because she had someone who wanted her. This was reflected in the fictional friendship between Rachel Manchester and her work partner Veronica Noonie. And thus those aspects of the reality of the friendship arose in the fictional one. The only difference was, Scott actually took a liking to Rachel. And they ended up marrying. In that regard, this was long before Matt even entered on the scene in reality.

I found there were moments when I was with Matt that I thought about Penny. In the sense that the bond I had with her as a friend was something I was missing in my relationship with Matt. Don't get me wrong, he was a wonderful friend. But not Penny. By the time I met Matt, Penny and I had stopped talking and the friendship was just about gone. It had reached a point where we could only associate on a professional level. When I broke up with Matt, I wondered if somehow I had used him as a tool to make me believe I had no inclination to females. Its not something I consciously did. And yet felt really bad about it. The point I am trying to make here is that the character of Scott was around long before Matt had even appeared. The only correlation between Scott and Matt is that both Rachel and I had been with someone who cared a lot about us. It just didn't work out.

Michael Stone also appeared long before Ben entered on the scene. In fact Michael Stone was a character Carly created back in 2000 when she started to write her own stories. We decided to partner them up and try explore a relationship similar to that between Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. So Michael wasn't even from my own mind. The thing with he and Rachel is that they became Mulder and Scully too quickly. Rachel was beginning to understand the complicated factors in Mulder and Scullys friendship. Michael Stone to her was a representation (in my mind even though he was Carly's creation) of Penny/Jane. But much like the real Rachael, she wasn't allowed to have him. She was by this stage married to Scott whom she did actually love. It was my decision to have Michael die. I made that choice not long after I started Day and Night. I needed a reason for Rachel to come back to Australia and face up to things she had ran away from. For me in reality, this meant facing what it was I was feeling.

You have to keep in mind I haven't written anything in Day and Night since perhaps this time last year. Long before Ben came into things, so that rules out the correlation to Michael Stone. Alexandra Barlaston was never actually meant to hook up with Rachel. At least not in my mind. She was born that sunny afternoon in the tent in the middle of a field back in 2002. Ideally I just wanted her to be a representation of someone who made Rachel realise she no longer had to worry about peoples expectations, that she had to do what she felt was right regardless of what people thought. In that sense, she could be a combination of a lot of people. Subconsciously back then I had made the decision to create a relationship between the two and use it as a way for me to explore perhaps what might happen should I eventually venture into a same sex relationship.

Hence a lot of Rachel Manchester's insecurities, are indeed my own. The fear she has is real. Although unlike Rachel held onto Jane, I let go of Penny. I eventually did realise it was maybe just a phase I was going through. But was a little more open to the idea should it arise again. My only concern with that was my friendship with Veronica and in some ways I had to deal with peoples knowledge of me in a same sex relationship when the rumours about Vee and I started. This was all after high school and not long after I'd started to work for Vic Pol. Vee and I laughed it off because we knew it wasn't true and would never be true. But somewhere in the back of my mind I realised that the looks people gave us were indeed a reality I would face should I end up dating a female. I didn't know if I could deal with that kind of scrutiny.

Since then I've gotten wiser. A few of the women in the Crime Department were known to be gay and in reality, most people didn't have a problem with it. Through other peoples acceptance, I too began to warm to the idea that the adult world was far less brutal than the high school one I had known. You've heard me talk about Nat on several occasions, my old boss, the young one I used to sing Elvis with. She was one of those people with the brightest bubbliest personality. I remember the first time I met her. See, Veronica used to teach me what she looked for in a chick. I told her she was too fussy. So out of habit I found myself being Veronica and seizing females up. But in a purely innocent way. That very first day Nat walked in, I was stunned. She really was unlike anyone I'd ever met. But I didn't fancy her. I never have done. What it did was made me realise that perhaps it was nothing to do with the gender of a person, rather the actual person. Then Ben came along and I just got all hormonal or something, I still don't even know what was up with me!!

The point I was trying to get at is that Day and Night formed long before the seemingly parallels with reality even occurred. Like I had imagined a certain path in life, had a premonition, and hey presto some two or three years later here I am, actually in a relationship with another female which is strikingly like the one I had created. By no means was that a conscious thing. Like most things I write, they appear in the shape of words but are saved on disk and put away on the shelf. Even I found the parallels between Rachel and myself quite amazing as I read over my own words a day or two ago.

Alex in some regards is the stereotype of how guys see lesbians. Perhaps even in my mind I was being ignorant. When I created Alex, like I said, she was never initially meant to become a lover. I just pulled together an image and went from there. I looked at a trust element as well as a friendship element. There was care but also concern. The key there was trust. In order for Rachel to finally accept the fact she may indeed be attracted to females, she had to find someone she could trust.

What I want to make clear is that Alex isn't anyone in specific. And by no means should you feel that you're not my Alex, that you don't fit the bill. This is where Rachel and I different. You have to remember, most things in Day and Night are not purposefully real. You are everything and more I could even dream of having in my life. I am so very happy with you. You have a trust no one else has ever gotten from me.

I think that maybe I've gone right off track here and lost the direction I was going in! There is so much explanation to go with your questions! Its easy to look at the characters I have. But you have to remember, the characters have evolved over a period of about six or seven years. They have all been lying dormant for at least the past year. There is a whole world and life to each and every one of them Its like the complex lives of real people. What I've told you about how they all connect is only very basic. A few other stories I started ended up being character building too. They deal with the complex relations people have. That's what I love most about writing, how much you can explore and how much you can make real. Hmm...yet again I think I've gotten off track.

I should probably take a break from this! I've been typing for quite some time. Actually, I think maybe you should ask more questions to get me back in the right direction. I don't know, maybe some of what I wrote did answer your questions. Perhaps it only created more. Either way, shoot more questions at me if you want to. I really don't mind.

For now I say catch you later, I actually really have to pee and am still sitting here in my work uniform, it's now like 20 to 8!! Okay. Am off upstairs.

I hope your day is going well and I hope this hasn't gotten really long and confusing. Well long I know, I just hope it's not too confusing, although I do know that too is possible!

Later,

Rachael

A Good Night Message

2006-02-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

Good Evening.

I've just come back from the cinema with Shanna. Erin was supposed to come too but she never showed up. I don't know, I left when Shanna said to so you know, I'm keeping out of it as best I can. Anyways, we finally went and saw Memoirs of a Geisha. It was really good. Yes, I cried at the end of it, but I cry in most movies if I can relate to them on any level. I'm starting to see a pattern emerge in relation to the movies we go and see. They've all got some form of romance theme in them and the happy couple always end up together in the end. Me being a story teller and all have great faith in that fact.

I can remember asking Eri if she thought the movie was correct, you know how sometimes when they make a movie based on reality, it can often get a little over the top or convey the wrong information. Eri said as far as she knew, it looked very realistic and again from what she knew it was all quite correct. Which is good, I think if you are going to make a movie or tell a story of this type, it should be true and correct.

To a degree that's why I keep a lot of my stories to myself. Because at the time they were written, they were very incorrect and from a naive point of view. Indeed sometimes they still are, which is why now days I try to write from experience, try to use emotion I may have felt to have a better understanding.

I've attached another short story to this e-mail. This particular piece is complete and it probably isn't all that correct either. If I remember rightly I wrote it back in year ten so that would be hmmm...going on nearly six years ago. Maybe five. I can't quite remember!! Its called Misinterpreting Lily and don't ask me where the idea came from it just did!!

How is work going? Or wait, how did it go? Could be either really!!

Back to work tomorrow. I don't know if I should be excited about that or not. I have another one of those meetings with Doreen this month...um the 25th I think it is. I am a little scared, but not scared. Doesn't make sense, I know. Sometimes nothing ever does!! Janet has gone down to Goring for a few days. Maria Plaza is sick and Sally is annoyed because they've advertised the Office Manager position and not told her. Give her half a chance and she'll commit murder. Which I can understand. Sort of.

Well, I am off to bed, I'm feeling a little tired. I find if I go out walking I get a bit worn out still. So while I am feeling a lot better, I know I've still got a little more recovery to go. But indeed it's getting better. At least physically. Emotionally I still am suffering, but I am told this is something that will ease over time.

Okay, Good night.

Rachael

My Buddy

2006-02-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Sally has just been down to the docs and she wanted me to go with her and well while she was in there I just kind of sat in the waiting room and let my mind wander. Its a habit I've started, can't help it. Always make me smile.

It would seem that the theory of Pax Lodge imploding is surely at breaking point. More so than we ever thought. It funny, the other night while out with a few of the HAs (when we went to see Rumour Has It) they were talking about Pax and I sort of went on to explain how you see a different side once you're not a HA. I said I wasn't entirely sure I liked the new side I was seeing.

Heather and Maria Plaza have sided together over this 15th Anniversary stuff which in turn has resulted in Breanne and Sally getting their back up at the pair of them for lack of communication. Janet is annoyed at Heather. Sally is annoyed at Doreen. The HAs have everyone annoyed at them. Everyone seems to be pissed off at someone else. It really does feel like its going to implode, this place has become like a high school, everyone bitching and trying to be the one in charge. Its crazy and I don't understand why its happening.

I just wanted to come and say hello I guess. I'm heading back upstairs to do something, maybe read a little, watch some TV. I think I want to read Butterfly, not sure if I ever told you about that one.

Until Whenever,

Me

Well, A Good Morning

2006-02-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

Slept a little later this morning, only woke about 15 minutes ago which makes it 9:50 that I woke!! Mind you I was up until all hours trying to sort things out. By the time I got into bed, I was so strung up I watched TV and found an Australian Movie was on, one that I'd studied at high school. Thus I sat there and watched it.

I had my child sponsorship cancelled. I can't afford to support me, so there's a slim chance I can keep supporting someone else. I feel pretty bad about that. I like that somehow I was making a child's life better. I loved the letters I got and the pictures she drew me. But I also know that I have to look after me as well. I was prepared to carry on the sponsorship, but that was being I was going back to Oz in January and was going to be earning a wage again. I'm not longer doing that and it's hard.

My phone is on the way to being sorted out. It's going to take about a month, but I've got it sorted. I ended up ringing my mum last night and having a whinge about money and how I didn't think I'd run out of it so soon. However, it's reassuring to know that should I want to get out of here before I'm supposed to, she'll pull some money together for an airfare to help me do so. That kind of surprised me. And yet unless I get pretty desperate, I don't want to do that because it's the sort of thing she'd hold against me because she never had to borrow money when she was growing up. She still hasn't figured that I am not her and never will be.

Enjoy your day when it starts and take care,

As Always,

Me

Its Another Night Night from Me

2006-02-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Sometimes I just wish I could pick up the phone and you'd be at the other end. I'm having a 'I really miss Erin' moment. I feel very lonely right now. I know its just because I was sullen earlier and have been wallowing and really shouldn't let them get to me so much. I just, I don't know, I felt like things were on the mend and I was getting somewhere, you know? Like I was sort of not fitting in, but at least feeling a part of things.

Now I am just complaining. I should at least attempt to write something half intelligent shouldn't I? Hmm, let me think about your last e-mail.

I really am sorry about your car. Stupid people, I hate how there is barely any respect for people's property these days. Will it cost much to replace the mirror?

Eton wasn't supposed to look tough. He was supposed to be a cool cat. Like chillin or something. Not tough. Do you really think he looks tough now? It was either those or pink glasses and I dunno, but I think the pink ones were more Cadbury's style...See Hammer was a little on the weird side. Although I know he's a mouse, because of his belly I just think like a big heavy elephant with hammer feat, they kinda stomp around and he's from hampstead so it was a combination of the two. It was one of the first few things that came to mind and well, it just stuck. Nothing else seemed to match too well.

The reason Louise wears a blue shirt is because she wants to!! See, in the 18+ age bracket, you can wear the blue shirt or the wally shirt (mine). The wally shirt tends to be worn a lot by the older leaders and even though both are correct and formal uniform, the wally shirt seems to be that little bit more formal. I was told I had to have a wally shirt because I was coming to a world centre. Tricia chose to wear it. Louise made the excuse up they didn't make wally shirts any more. At home I would choose to wear the blue because I'm not a fan of the wally shirt. That's just how it is I guess.

I am talking to Rebecca as well as I type this, she just happens to be online and yeah, she's going to give me the email address of the lady at Ronald McDonald house. Maybe I could go do one of my three days there, just to go and do something else and meet other people and get out of Pax. Perhaps. I'll e-mail her and see how it goes. I need to do something or I am going to go mad.

Ruth. Well she called for all the same reasons she always does. Life sucks and she don't know what to do about it. Or rather she knows what she needs to do, but won't do it. She has another job interview on Thursday, perhaps this one might be the lucky one. She's also got a bit more music work lined up too. She got a few more students. I wasn't being mean. She does annoy me after a while. I don't mind her calling when things are going wrong, I would hope than any friend I had could feel they could come to me for help. But when it's the same thing over and over and over again and she won't do anything about it, I'm just at a loss, that's all.

Anyways, I've been down here for almost an hour now, and this chair really isn't all that comfortable and my butt is starting to ache. So I guess that means I should get moving.

Take care, I miss you lots,

Rachael

Big Anger Attack

2006-02-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

Hello!
Its been one of those afternoons. I just want to point out that I am filled with a little anger at the moment and none of it is directed at you, but I need to vent and get mad. So I am sorry, okay?

So Ruth called this afternoon, I spent an hour on the phone to her which finished about half an hour ago. Some old story really, but in the end I just stitched off and gave her a hard time about dating people. The phone call was fine by most standards and wasn't what made me mad.

Yesterday afternoon we had a discussion about taking Eri up the road for her last crepe at some stage this afternoon and they were going to come and let me know when they were going. Fine really.

I come into the stairway after getting off the phone to Ruth and look out the window to see the six of them plus Eri walking down the drive and out onto the road. When I get downstairs, sure enough they've signed out to get a crepe. I was highly hurt by this. And angry. I'm all prepared for them to turn around and say 'but you were on the phone' and I'm going to throw that back in their face and say 'that's never stopped you before!' and you are my witness, there's always someone knocking on my door when I am on the phone!!

So very angry at that. As well as the pathetic effort put into Eri's leaving. Its disgraceful.
ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem. I'm sorry. Its just made me really angry and I think part of that is the fact I am hurt.

I hope your day is going a little better. A lot better hopefully!!

Eri's leaving is soon so I should head back upstairs.

Until later,

Me

Another Night Night One

2006-02-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

Nocturnal Greetings!!

Well the welcome ceremonies went well. It's just hit 11pm and we've just finished. A lot of photos taken, as always. Tricia told us about her and Australia which was fine. Rachel on the other hand has sparked my interest, but I don't think it's in a good way. I've not had a lot to do with Rachel since she got here, however after seeing the performance this evening, she reminds me ever so much of Kat. Its pretty unnerving when you think about it.

Eri is back from Scotland and flies out tomorrow night at 9pm. Thus she'll probably leave around 5:30, 6pm. Tomorrow around lunchtime we're going to take her up for one last crepe before she goes. It'll be a sad day. Poor Eri.

I introduced Hammer to everyone. I was right, Eton's eyes kind of bulged out of his head. Sheep seems to like him. Cadbury is a little unsure of what to think. It's the first time he's seen a mouse bigger than he is. I took a couple of photos but I don't have the cord down here. So at some stage tomorrow I'll e-mail them to you, perhaps during the morning so when you check your e-mail before class tomorrow or after class, they'll be sitting there. Mind you if I think about it, so will this one...

Yep, this is a brief one, I have a journal to go write in and I think I might grab a mug of Horlics on my way up.

Hope work went okay and wasn't too terrible, rather lots of fun!!

Rachael

Flying Time

2006-02-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

Good Evening.

I felt so lucky, I came down after leaving dinner early and I had not one, but three e-mails from you! How wonderful!

Dinner was an early exit because I'm over Rachel all ready. I hadn't thought it possible to have two self centred people at the one time, but she and Erin take the cake. It's a race to see who can sound the best and be the best and have the best. Oh Please give me a break. And I wish Rachel would talk in English sometimes!! I mean we were at the post office earlier and she was like 'So do having exclamation points to end a sentence as grammar annoy you?' and I you know, I don't really give that much thought. If there is an exclamation point at the end of a sentence, fine, if there's not, well that doesn't phase me either...I don't know, maybe it's just one of those quirks people have.

But yes, this afternoon I ended up walking up the hill with the two Americans. Post Office and Waterstones. I brought a new addition to the stuffed animal family!! He (yes another he, Sheep is really out numbered) is a big pudgy Mouse! He was far too cute (but in an ugly way) to leave behind and he was only four pound ninety nine. He's about Eton's size with a fat belly. I'll take a photo and send it to you. I called him Hammer. Though Hammer hasn't met everyone yet because he managed to be thrown into my room still in the bag as I ran to dinner.

See after we got back (about 4:30) I got a coffee and I brought a Michael Connelly book (his new one) in Waterstones because it was half price and Janet and I both enjoy his writing style. I stopped by her flat to let her know I got the book and she can borrow it after I've read it. I ended up staying until like 6:10pm and consequently was late for dinner!! But we chatted about HAs to begin with and how the meeting went and about stuff that was brought up. Stupid stuff really but when I think about the group we have at the moment it doesn't really surprised me. I explained our theory about the force field which sucks common sense and initiative from you when you enter the drive of Pax Lodge. She laughed. And then we talked about phone cards and families and just random things. Time got away.

Thus here I am, feeling a little bad that the newest addition is still in a plastic bag on the floor, yet to be introduced to everyone. I'll do that when I am done here.

I am a fan of Jazz believe it or not. I have several jazz CDs at home, my fav is with me. They're all compilation CDs but I find jazz is great to have on as background music, it can be quite relaxing as well as motivating.

I am very much aware that what you feel sometimes seems impossible. I feel that too :-)

I've probably mentioned Carly before, my friend in Queensland who became my editor. Primarily our friendship blossomed through letters. One of the things I loved so much is that she got as caught up in my story world as I did. We created characters and referred to each other as that. We sent letters in the mail with the FBI seal on it and 'Confidential' stamps on the back. It for a time seemed like that was the real world and where we currently lived was the story. To have someone get so caught up in that was fantastic. But I lost that when I lost myself. I love being caught up in puppets and stuffed animals and characters because I can let my imagination run away with me. To share that with someone makes it all the more amazing. I never thought I would have someone I could do that with, not in the flesh. Carly was always in words. Never something in front of me. You (and your mom) amazed me because its like reality is gone and the puppets take over, it's incredible. That why I smiled so much, I found people who in some regards were like me!! Able to be lost in an alternate world....hmm...maybe I'm getting a little off track here.

I found myself looking for puppet books in the bookstore today. I want to own a puppet. You know, before you came along I didn't even know this world existed. Its incredible. And I will always be full of thanks for you for showing that world to me.

Right now I am going to head upstairs and introduce Hammer to everyone. We'll see how that goes. I shouldn't think Eton will try and eat him, it might be the relationship Sylvester has with the 'Big Mouse' (which is actually a roo!) in the Warner Brother cartoons. Eton will be scared because of how big he is!!

For now I sign off, and I hope you do focus on your homework!!!
Rachael

Erin = Smiles

2006-02-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon,

I am wondering if being down in the basement is a good idea. Roy spray painted the flag holders for the front of the building and the idiot did it in the basement. I'm going to pass out from fume inhalation!

Its been a relatively uneventful day aside from your parcel arriving. I cleaned my room and shaved my legs, two big achievements in one day!! Ha!

In all seriousness I loved your parcel! I went through everything, looked at what was in the box before I read any cards or letters. So the toothpaste is great, thank you!! I'm saving the Reese's Heart until the 14th (and that's taking will power) and I giggled when I saw the heart shaped candy with words on it, the Sweethearts! You know why? Because I was actually going to send you some but I thought it would be a little too corny!! That's kinda funny!! We do have those at home, I had just assumed they had them all over the world. But thank you, I sort of feel like I should still send you some regardless now you've sent them to me!

I will admit that the Spiderman candy threw me. I have to say though, I hadn't actually picked up the box. So I shrugged off the Spiderman candy and thought maybe that was just an extra bit in the parcel. I go and read the card from Squirrel and laughed, read the card from Thunder Jumper and got a little misty, but laughed. Then I read the card from all the KOB puppets and laughed a lot more (Could hear Jo and Val in the show going on about articles and spine abiffida (spelling?)) but got a bit confused when I read Mike saying his mom helped pick out the gift. As far as I could figure I didn't have a gift from Mike...but then after I read all the cards again, read your letters and sat thinking about things, I picked up all the stuff that was in the main box and it was then that the penny dropped. The Spiderman Candy was from Mike (I later found the to and from on the back) and so I just roared out laughing at that and the notion that I'd received Valentine's Day cards from Puppets and a Cat and then quite spontaneously burst into tears!!

It was all a little too much emotion to deal with and the best way to get it out was to cry. Then I was okay, got back to laughing, missed you a little more but also understood why. So I've been smiling all day in addition to the smiling from your call last night. Is it any wonder my cheek muscles are a little sore?!

I found your journal entries to be amusing, but not in a funny hilarious way, so please don't take that the wrong way. Amusing in the sense that I always like to read the different types of ways people write. I love your one liners. Some of it made me feel sad. Some of it made me smile at the memory. One thing I did find quite funny was that you thought I would fit in with the Marie crowd. I knew from the word scratch that I wouldn't, purely because I didn't think the idea of taking me straight to the pub was a great one. But then you were looking at things from the outside. And yes, you did pick well with the scented stuff from the body shop, Oceanus (not entirely sure it's spelt that way!) is my favourite Body Shop Smell, only I never spent the money to treat myself to it. As a result I'm actually wearing some of the perfume spray stuff and it smells nice. The lotion is great for your legs after you shave. So it was handy to get it for my birthday because I ran out of skin cream not long after I got here!

For now I might just wander off back upstairs and read a book or something. The weather isn't all that nice out so I think it's an indoor day today.

Rachael

Sunday Morning

2006-02-05T20:32:00.000-08:00

Good Morning.

I tell you if I needed toothpicks yesterday morning, I need steel poles today!! I am so tired! The body has decided it doesn't want to function today, it just wants to go back to bed and stay there! I'm not having an old day, I just don't want to work today, even the notion of 78 kids running around doesn't feel as appealing as it may have done a couple of days ago.

Dreams last night were a little weird. okay a lot weird because they jumped around all over the place. I know at one point I was out with Andrea and Zoe (work buddies) and we were in a car going somewhere. Next thing I knew it jumped to work back in Oz but the office was different, but I still knew it was my office. So I was talking to Jan, the other admin for the Superintendent, and then I was talking to Nat, my boss just before I left. I don't know what about either.

Then it jumped back to the going out with Andrea and Zoe and we ended up at a party of some description on the coast where there were a lot of people. Then we were in the car, driving away and there was a huge title wave coming up behind us, but the water was black and I could see Harold from Neighbours standing on the rocks (Aussie TV show, many years he got Swept away by a wave by a cliff). That's fine really because I'm then in line with Erin M getting on a train to Scotland. She's brought me a ticket to get me away from Pax Lodge. But it's like 2pm in the afternoon and we're only going for the day which doesn't make sense because we have to be back by 12:3pm because we have to work the next day. Regardless, we get on this train but it has no walls on it, so its in the open air and this one person has a hammock strung across the isle, but it was the interior of a train, almost like a San Fransisco tram...is that right?

I don't remember what happened after that, be it I woke up or things just went black. It was really weird, very random and all over the place -like I was dreaming in ten different directions!!So I am awake, but not and I feel really confused, like there's lots of fog in my head, but there isn't and yet I am still walking around in a daze. Have I just really confused you? I think I just confused me. It's a weird feeling!

After I turned out the light last night I thought a bit more about the HAs. It'll be interesting to see how it goes, I mean if they'll stay divided or if they'll find some balance in between now and the time someone leaves, which is Kristina in March.

So what's your next big question? Bring it on!!

I should probably run upstairs now, I've decided I need a loo stop before they go to flag so I should probably do that.

As Always,
Rachael :-)

Ritual Good Night Message

2006-02-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

I really hope the Opera goes well!! I've never been to the Opera, had you before tonight?

The trip to the Milkshake Place lasted two hours although we didn't get to go into the place! They were too full, so we walked back down the hill and the eight of us crammed around a table in the dodgy Omelet place and ate and had drinks there. They had a little mini house assistant meeting like we used to, but no where near as successful. There are far too many self centred people! It's funny, that's the first time I've sat down with all of them at the same time. They were asking me questions like I was Janet. It was a little odd.

Shanna Louise and Xenia were the first to leave, though that's not all that surprising. There is a definite split in the group, that's painfully obvious. In saying that it was nice, but in all honesty I wanted to be back on the phone with you!!

Yes, like all other times in my life when I find something good, I expect there to be a bad. Up until now that has always been the case and I've usually anticipated it (Heather just shouted out Good night to me -it's 11:30pm!)...um...

My point being I'm not going to dwell on it.

For now I have to say good night, it's getting late and it's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Me :-)

Let Me Get the Toothpicks

2006-02-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

The eyes are finding it a little hard to stay open this morning and I'm not entirely sure why! I mean I slept the whole night through and feel a little groggy, but that's all. I didn't go to bed any later than normal. Maybe the prospect of working an extra day (even if it is with a lot of kids!) seems far too spirit dampening to deal with right now! I should imagine that once I get some food into me I'll be fine.

Indeed I've often found my friendship with Veronica to be amusing, I often wonder just what on earth keeps us friends because more often than not we are so different! Then I also just find Vee amusing in general because she's what I call a repeat offender. She never learns her lesson from the first time she did wrong, it's just a vicious cycle going around and around. Perhaps there will come a time when she'll realise this and make right with the world! I also kind of like how she really doesn't give a damn about what anyone will think, she just says it as it is. That's not without insecurities of course, but she pays less attention to them.

All systems go for calling!! I'll come up after dinner. I'll gulp everything down just to get up to you quicker!!

The journal gave away nothing of what I was feeling the night before Bath. In saying that, that particular entry took place in the early evening while you and Ruth were off doing what ever it was you were doing. That's all it says. Unless whatever it was happened after that, even then it couldn't have been too prominent because I would have mentioned it the next day. But there's nothing there that give me any idea as to what it was all about!!

For now I have to go, another day of work calls.

Until next time,

Me

Its Time!

2006-02-03T23:41:00.000-08:00

Good Late Evening!!

Now, the movie, just to get that out of the way. We went to see 'Rumour Has It' and by most standards it was good. Did you ever read the book or see the movie called 'The graduate'? This movie was basically the 'true' story of that. If that makes sense at all. Anyhows, it was a romantic comedy and I didn't cry. Little random things I guess, nothing too major. By most accounts the movie was good, although it would seem we tend to go for controversial movies, like Gay Cowboys and Guys who sleep with three generations of women in the same family...

The interesting part for me was the walk to Finchley. One thing I do like about Pax Lodge is the continuously changing group dynamics. I went with Louise, Shanna and Xenia. The three who arrived in January. It was interesting to see their take on how the staff as a whole works, how the HAs and in deed the gap works and then how individuals work. Although they use different terminology, they've made a lot of the same observations we did and still do. All I can say is that this HA meeting which is taking place on Monday will be rather interesting and I would like to be a fly on the wall.

So its now evening in Kentucky, around 6:30ish I believe. Does that mean you finished work? Or still more to go? Hmmm I don't know, I think maybe you still have more to go. I am sure you 'll do fine, you'll probably find most things will start coming back to you as you go along. Most things are like riding a bike, once you've done it you never forget. You just need a refresher every now and again!

In what manner do my friendships amuse you?!

The incident the night before bath isn't ringing any bells off the top of my head. However, if I was cheesed off at you I probably wrote about it in my journal. I might go check that out when I go up for bed. I don't know what was going on there. Rest assured, in the future I will go anywhere with you!!

Office work. I enjoy some aspects of it, in some areas of it. If that makes any sense. Erin it's just a job. I can get a job anywhere, be it here, Oz or anywhere else.

I'm now working both Saturday and Sunday. I was only supposed to work Saturday and they have asked me to do Sunday as well. So my three days off start a day later. But that said, I'm not on nights or anything.

Well, I am going to crawl upstairs and get into bed. It's almost midnight now and I am feeling a little on the tired side. Too much brain power required today and it's too cold outside. It's like 1 or 2!! No wonder I was cold coming back from Finchley!

Rachael

The Eve of Day has Arrived

2006-02-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

So I finally got to the end of day one, it finished not at 5pm, not at 5:15pm, not at 5:30pm, but 5:45pm!! It was a huge information overload by the end of it and yet I am still smiling which is always a good thing right?! Wore my wildcats shirt today, I love it, every time I wear it I think of the woman Debbie at the Capitol Building!!

Tonight was fish night so when I eventually got home it was chips and vegetarian moussaka, a long call from the steak I was supposed to go get with Sally. Apparently I rocked up just a few minutes late. Doreen yelled at all the HAs who were sitting there bad mouthing Maria the cook. Damn I always miss the good stuff!! Thankfully there were no guests at dinner, in fact there are no guests at all. That makes Dixon happy coz he gets to wander around the house.

Was in the building maybe 10 minutes before I get asked to work Sunday, yep two, six day stints in one month. That said, I'm happy to work Sunday. It's international adventure day and I'm being let out of the office to help. Why? There are 79 Brownies coming!!! Its gonna be HUGE!!! So with their leaders it about 90 odd people plus the staff. Heather has said she's got an activity lined up if I want it, it's along the theme of Thinking Day and it's an action story, so every time a certain word is said, they have to do an action. The stipulation is that I have to wear my hat, but I get to play story teller too!! Man, I am so excited!

I was also told that this evening the HAs are going to Finchley to see a movie called 'Rumour Has It' only I don't know what the movie is about. That said, I am thinking about going.

Rachael :-)

Lunchtime!

2006-02-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon,

So I imagine your day is pretty long right? Wait, maybe you haven't started it yet...either way, good luck with the shows, are you being better paid this time? I remember last time you were saying you shouldn't have gone by number of people, rather the number of shows you did. Is that the same this time? Anyhows, are you bringing Mike out today? What sort of shows? Who is in it? Who you doing it with? I know I know 20 questions but I am just curious that's all!

The course is going well, its a lot more information today and how things can go wrong even it you do little things out of place. However, I still like the program and you know what? I can see myself in the future using it for personal projects, be it keeping track of things or whatever. But I like it and I like working with it. See if I go back to my job and transfer to a Receptionist type role, having done this course will work in my favour because part of the reception role (well you're general admin for a squad, not just reception) is to do data entry some of which is passed on by the Analysts who basically write the programming for Access and the databases they set up. I now understand how it all works and why they were so stringent about making sure I didn't do anything wrong when they first got me doing data entry!!

Wow, that was a long sentence. Better take a deep breath...right, am back.

Lunch today is really good, Bree cheese and there is bacon in the sandwiches and the heating is working really well. I think I like these courses, just for the food and the slight freedom you have. Janet was cooking lunch and getting ready for dinner tonight, apparently they're having steak. Man I miss a good piece of steak, I could do with that right now.

I am also talking to Ruth at the moment who is telling me about her bad panto experience. Rebecca signed out earlier and see still has me a little worried but she's also been talking to someone else at Pax who I assume is Breanne. But she tells me she didn't need stitches this time. What's that about? I told her we knew she was trying to hurt herself while at pax and she wanted to know why we thought that. I told her between the two of us we watched and keep an eye on everyone. We were right, she was doing harm to herself. Good grief!

The girl next to me has just gone out for a cigarette which brings me to a confession BUT there is also good news. See, in my randomness on Aussie Day at the WalkAbout, Louise handed me a cigarette and I'll admit, I had a few. Good grief, I felt like I could have died. Then for the rest of the afternoon and the next day, despite having showered and scrubbed my hands so much, all I could smell was cigarettes. It was so horrible and I really did hate myself for it. See, last time I started again, that reaction didn't happen. I just went right back into being a regular smoker. I can't do that this time, I literally felt repulsed by it. While I am kinda mad, I am also relieved to know that I don't think I'll ever be a smoker again. Yes, it's disappointing I know and I think I am cured of being a smoker, I can't believe how repulsed I felt. Yuck.

This food is so darn good!! Well, lunch is pretty much over and I really would like to stay and talk to you, you know that, but I have to go and grab a drink and do a loo stop before we start again.

Rachael

Re: Hey Rach!

2006-02-03T12:19:00.000-08:00

Kacey Mate!!!

Man it's great to hear from you! How is England? Damn, well, I kinda feel now like I shoulda come home in January when I was supposed to! It's not that bad I guess, I am still enjoying it, but I'd give anything for a descent bit of sunshine. I can deal with being cold, it's the fact I have a huge lack of daylight and it's driving me mad!

So what's bringing you to England in May? Who? What? Where? Why? When? Yeah yeah I want all the details! So for how long and will you be coming to London?

Wait dude, you turned 21 in December right? Shit, Happy Birthday man!! I can't believe I forgot...actually I don't even know what made me remember! Ha! Well I am currently out of Pax Lodge on an Access course, day 2 and I have good food sitting here in front of me, so I am gonna go.

Lemmie know what's what!!

Talk to you Soon,
Your Bud,
Rachael :-)

A Better Good Morning

2006-02-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

Gooooood Morning!

Well I finally made it to Holburn, with 45 minutes to spare until we start the course. This is good, I can eat their muffins, drink their coffee and talk to people! And I have to do a bit of reading too which I should have done last night but didn't.

When I said you could teach me English, it was partly on an editing train of thought, but more about linguistics and stuff too. I sort of meant in general. I've always liked to write but my biggest problem is sometimes not understanding how the English language works. I know that doesn't really make sense considering what I can write, but I know an editor would have a field day with anything I tried to get edited for publishing. So I was just kind of saying yeah, maybe you could help me in that regard.

Me and sleep last night was good while it lasted! Nah, it was quite heavy and deep so I woke up feeling kind of groggy and like I had too much sleep. So it took a little longer to get going this morning, had to wait for the fog to clear!

I am talking to our Rebecca at the moment as well as Veronica. Rebecca has admitted that she's starting 'harming herself' again which is kinda scary. Veronica was telling me about her threesome and going to the gay pride march next weekend. Cripes, a morning of madness. I am a little worried about Rebecca, okay a lot worried but I am also aware there's nothing I can do.

Oh my god, Veronica just asked me to do something for her. I now discover it's for her 21st. See I was supposed to be back in Oz for it. And she was going to ask me to say a few words at her 21st. Now she's asked if I still would, and e-mail it to her and she can get someone to read it out on my behalf! how nice is that?!

Yes you snored on the way to Bath! We didn't even get out past Woodfod and you started to fall asleep!! I have a photo on my phone to prove it! I don't understand why you thought I wouldn't go to Bath with you. I can't even remember how that came about.

I will wish Happy Birthday to Janet for you and I will say good bye to Eri for you. I'm actually off those days so I might even go with her to the airport. I don't know.

Well I really have to go so I can get this reading done.

Rachael

Night Time Rambling

2006-02-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

My Dear!

You know you have me sitting here chuckling now!

The ice-cream was good, in fact so good I ate half the tub! Well come on for an hour and a half of viewing that's good!! Mind you I did eat corn chips too. Not a great diet to be having, ey?! Yep, watched Eastenders and The Bill which was good. Got my copper fix, he he he.

I don't need you to send me more soup!

Eri is in Scotland, she left quite early this morning. She won't be back until the 6th which is when her leaving ceremony is. I bet I cry. Yeah, I better make sure I have some tissues on me. Eri is the last of my HA crowd, gone gone gone. Its so weird. Sally was watching the slide show of photos Maria Plaza put together back in October, or whenever it was. She was watching it when I came back this evening. I sat there and watched it with her too. The photo that starts it is of you and her, one of the ones I took.

So she turns around and says 'I know she's your Erin and all, but I really like that photo of the two of us' and I just thought that was kind of cute. I've also realised that I refer to you as my Erin as well. Because at one point Shanna came by and one of the summer group pics came up so we were pointing out who everyone was and Shanna went 'Oh is that your Erin'. By that I think perhaps when we're talking about ex HAs we have the three Erin problem and I know in the beginning I was calling you Erin Gow and then I know it dropped to Erin G. I hadn't thought I was referring to you as My Erin as such, but then maybe it's just Shanna's way of remembering who you are as well, considering she's seen all the photos in my room.

Which reminds me, I was going to send you the photo of what is on my wall!! I still haven't done that. I'm sorry. When I am finished this e-mail I run upstairs and grab my camera and attach it on. Hopefully it will work and you'll be able to see it. Actually I could save this as a draft in my inbox, close my e-mail, get the camera and come back....I might just do that!

Right, I am back! Camera in tow, plugged in and photo attached! It's only what's on my wall, I could have taken a photo of what's on my wardrobe, but basically it's just covered in photos from Kentucky. This was what I was working on. It is very simple but it seemed to take forever while I got the photos developed and then I had to search online for the cartoons I used in your book!! That took some time. But now its done. And you've got the photo to see!! Its not the greatest photo, but you get the general idea.

I can't believe it's almost 9:30 and I am ready for bed! I should start reading another book. Bleak House doesn't feel right to start yet, so I won't. I need something a little less complex at the moment. Maybe I should read that library book I borrowed in like November and still have but haven't yet read!! Its by the same author I was reading that night you came back from seeing Mira.

So what's on the agenda for work today? Are you showing another film? If so, what was it? I had to laugh when you asked how I remember so much. I tend not to remember important things, but I remember details of trivial stuff. Like the fact your Mum's birthday was around the time you left for Pax. Like the pencil and your scar. And the time you told me about your mum's accident and how you felt. Like you snoring on the way to Bath. The huge mug your mum drinks out of to read the paper. Your dad going for walks to the creek. Your mums parents going to Florida. Little Lolly and the story of the other Lolly doll, but not lolly and how its original owner asks about her, or used to. I just have a knack for remembering stuff like that and it's not even intentional and usually I remember it at the most random times. I don't even know what made me think about your mum's birthday.

Anyhows, enough dribble for now. Let me try think about talking about something intelligent, like those Gorilla's in the Rain forest!! He he he, aww man, all the good jokes and moments just don't have the same effect on these guys.

I don't think I am going to end up going to Our Chalet with Breanne. We were supposed to go the end of this month and I don't have 160 pounds or there abouts to be spending on that trip. Not if I have to come up with money for an airfare. I'll wait till the airfare business is sorted out. Even if I go late May early June, at least I've got a bit of time to save and I know that my airfare is sorted which is my main concern. I'm not freaking out about money, so relax, I'm just being realistic. Don't get mad, I'm not saying I won't go to Chalet, I am just saying I won't be going at the end of the month, that's all. I will get there, I am close enough to I better!!

Well, I am going to go upstairs and crawl into bed.

Good Night,

Rachael

Greetings Chick!

2006-02-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

Heya Chick!!

So I did an Access training course, kinda reminded me of Oracle training...but not quite because it's not really financial. Anyhows, so working away in Access and the little help things pops up and I couldn't help but change it to the Cat!! He he he! And then the teacher was talking about records in a jukebox and she said someone randomly name a record and Elvis was the first to come up!! Yay! "In the Ghetto...."

I hope everything is working out for you in the Force these days, I am still waiting for those Grad photos and stories to emerge!

It's funny you know, when I left Melbourne back in June I had ideas in my head as to what I wanted to achieve when I came back. Things are so very different now. I just think it's crazy how time can change those things.

Right chick I am off, the training day is over and I am likely to get kicked out very soon, plus if I don't hurry I won't be home in time for dinner and I don't get paid until tomorrow so I have no dosh!! Great, peak hour on the London Transport System, don't want to face up to that....

Catch you when I do,
Take care, sorry this is so short, I will sit and write you better soon!!

Rachael :-)

An Afternoon Hello

2006-02-02T12:41:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon!

So it's lunch time and I am eating sandwiches, but real sandwiches, none of the Pax Lodge type which is brilliant because they are really yummy and I want to eat them all afternoon! Aww man! Takes a bit of brain power to get around some of this stuff but I really think I like access as a program. I know I've said that before, but its like a huge problem solving programme to set up and yeah, a nice challenge and more in depth than other stuff.

There are only 7 or 8 people here which is kinda odd. But then I guess training sessions at home had maybe 10-15. I feel a bit like I am back at school. Makes a change though I guess. I am talking to Ruth at the moment, we have MSN here which is okay, at least I know she's talking to me!! She seems to be okay but I've just had an e-mail rock up in my inbox from her. We'll see.

Well I hope you are well. The heating has started to work thank goodness so I am not as cold now. For the moment I am going back to the good sandwiches.

Rachael

A Few Last Things

2006-02-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

Me again,

Am I okay emotionally? Yes I am, I am just generally feeling sad and down and lonely at the moment. I still struggle a little with feeling under the weather. I don't know if talking to Janet would help. This afternoon it was almost like this wave of needing motherly attention washed over me. Like how I used to feel sometimes when leaving my Grandparents when I had to fly back to Melbourne after the holidays. I can't explain it. I just wanted a really big hug and afterwards I felt like crying. It may be that I'm still a little off balance. Perhaps not hearing from you was I part of that, but like I said I figured it was an e-mail problem so don't feel bad about it. It's kinda hard to pin point what is wrong. Nothing specific, but lots of things culminating to make everything seem ten times worse! If that makes sense.

Well, I really should get to sleep since I have to get up a little earlier tomorrow morning for this stupid course. I don't really want to go. Mind you having training in Access will work to my advantage at home when it comes to shifting across jobs if I can. Access is the database program that VicPol uses in the Crime Department because of the flexibility it provides. So that's a good thing I guess. And I get out of Pax and eat Non Pax Food.

Okay, good night, I do miss you lots but I am incredibly happy to have you back! I look forward to seeing you again, even if it does seem a little while away.

Until next time, as always,

Rachael

Good Night

2006-02-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

My dear,

Once again I am writing to you from bed. I had actually planned on being down in the basement, it doesn't much bother me really because it's now really only Breanne and I that seem to use it now the HAs have the laptop. Anyhows, I just went down to the basement and can't get in. We've been having a few problems with the lock on the second door so haven't been locking it until we can get a locksmith in to fix it.

Anyhows, Heather is on nights tonight and hasn't been well and is a little out of it. I think she's locked the door because not even the key will unlock it now, my guess is that the locking mechanism in the door has dropped and won't unlock it. Good job Roy isn't in tomorrow otherwise he won't be able to get in. Thus my point being that I couldn't get into the basement so I raided the cupboard in Doreen's office and found that the laptop was still there and well, here I am. I hope they fix the basement door otherwise I don't care what they say, I'm going into the library to use the computers in there.

Dinner tonight was supposed to be lasagna. If you ask me it was more along the lines of curdled milk. It really was bad, thank goodness we didn't have guests, that's all I can say!! Budgens provided me with random things like corn chips (yes I went and got some!) a tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough and a small ham and pineapple pizza. I thought about getting a little can of sweetcorn too but I figured it just wouldn't be the same without you. We came back and ate and were going to watch a video or something but the guest room was taken.

In the end I came up to my room and sorted out two shoe boxes of stuff I have managed to accumulate in the time I have been here. Ditched some receipts and stuff I really didn't need any more. You know I kind of got around in the summer, we both did. I was looking at all the tickets I had collected, both coach and other wise and it's very impressive to see what I actually got up to. Mind you I dread to think about the kind of money it all adds up to as well!

I think that for now I will say good night.

"Night!"

Aww Yay!

2006-02-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

Oh My Dear,

You are back!!! (now giving you the biggest hugs I ever have!!) While the sane and normal and rational part of me was terrified something had gone wrong, there was a little voice of reason telling me you were probably just having server problems. I was a little distressed, yes, but I also knew it really was what, maybe two days at the most I hadn't heard from you?

Speaking of crazy you want to hear something bizarre? Maria in the kitchen has started to pipe up about being the only cook in the place and wants an extra pair of hands. Which is fine, completely understandable. But you know what? She said we should have it like a 12 month positions and you know what? She wants to offer it to Breanne or I!! Doreen was telling the two of us right before dinner and we both turned around and said no at the same time!! Ha! It was hilarious. Come on it's bad enough I'm in there for the 15th Anniversary...

I ended up doing Trisha's after dinner House training because Janet has jumped on a train to go back to Goring until Saturday. You know, I kind of got all sad she was going!! I have been on the verge of tears most of today and yeah, so I went and got a good bye hug and she told me to look after myself and yeah, I wanted to cry! I didn't want her to go!! He he he, I just feel kind of alone right now, that's all. It's a little hard to explain. I know I am happy with all I have here, it's far better than nothing, but there's this little...not insecurity, but insecure feeling, vulnerable almost, sitting in my gut and I feel like a scared little kid. So it was like watching mama duck leave! But yeah, back to training, I was sad when I found out that's what I had to do!! Dinner was horrible, like more horrible than normal. So a few of us are going down to Sexy Budgens to get food. Great Idea.

Tomorrow and the next day I have an Access course I have to go to in Holburn, might meet new people too. Plus they provide a buffet lunch and it won't be at Pax Lodge! I have to leave at like 8:30am to get there on time but I'll still stop by and e-mail you to say good morning now that I can!!

Okay well I'll come back later and talk more, my tummy is kind of grumbling and I think maybe Shanna is getting impatient, she's been down twice already!!

Rachael :-)

Can I roll back over?

2006-02-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

Well there were some weird dreams on the agenda last night, or at least that's the lasting impression I got from them. I do vaguely remember a troop of girl scouts running around wearing their vests -green ones, but two or three of them were blue. Crazy huh?! They were going on about pins or wings or something, and then I woke up. Each dream is supposed to have some sort of subconscious meaning behind it. I wonder what that one would be?!

Aside from that I slept okay. Woke a few times but was awake until after midnight which was enough to carry me through until this morning. For a change I'm not writing from the basement, poor Roy is gonna be lonely down there this morning! I'm usually down there at about this time. I'm still sitting in my room. I have a bit of a headache so I'm going to take some paracetamol. Just to see if that helps. I don't much like to really.

No snow this morning, although it's only supposed to sit on about 3 today. I know if 6 is 44 and 0 is 32 then somewhere between there is what three is! Sorry that's not much help is it?! Shanna came to talk for a little while again last night, then Louise wanted to come in too, but when she saw Shanna she said she'd come back. My guess is one of two things. One, it had something to do with Shanna, or two, she's still feeling homesick and decided that since I was an Aussie, I'd be able to help.

There is talk about going bowling at some stage this week -perhaps the WalkAbout is in danger!! Yay! Sorry, not a fan of the WalkAbout and definitely not so on a weekly basis! Hmm, I still haven't been to see Memoirs of a Geisha. I really should try and do that. I would like to see it at some stage. I guess there is still a handful of people who haven't seen it. Eri will wake this morning no longer being a House Assistant. How unusual that must feel for her. She's going to Scotland tomorrow but will return.

Aside from that I don't know what else to tell you, there's only so much that can happen in the space of about eight hours! Mind you I probably dribble on enough in my bedtime e-mail even if I did only e-mail your four or five hours earlier after dinner!

Ruth sent me a message last night, she's not mad at me nor did she take what I said about hanging up to heart. I guess that's a good thing right? Apparently she's signed up for a course about starting your own business which might do her the world of good. Maybe a slightly different focus to have aside from childcare.

Well for now I have to finish getting dressed and ready for yet another day in the Office. Doreen is back today, actually most Snr staff are. The only ones not working are Breanne and Cook Maria. Otherwise it's all hands on deck for a quiet day in house. Janet's birthday is next, on the 3rd, and we get real proper chocolate cake, none of this detox stuff! About a week to go and they are done! Yay!

Rachael :-)

Idle chatter one hopes

2006-01-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

Good Evening ,

Well I am not sure what I am going to write to you! I just wanted to write really. See I've got the laptop and I was doing some of the training stuff we have to do and I now decide that I want a break and I wanted to see if you had written and well, I guess I don't really need an excuse to write you, huh?

I have the new series of CSI on in the background but I sort of don't feel like I am in the mood for it. Stupid really since CSI was one of two shows I made sure I was home to see back in Oz. Funny how priorities change over time. I used to make sure that every Tuesday and Wednesday night I was home at 8:30 just to see CSI and Blue Healers. Silly really, but it was my two hours a week for me where I could get in my PJs and crawl under the covers and be left alone. I'd usually eat corn chips while I was at it, just plain ones with no dip. Mmm what I wouldn't give for some good corn chips.

I'm trying to decide when I should start reading Bleak House. I mean I had a flip through it and have a feeling it will be like The Story of Mirth, one of those books I have to read when it' quiet so I can concentrate fully on it. Most of the time I can read with noise around, yet sometimes I find books on the challenging side (older language mainly) and it takes just that little bit more brain power to get through. So we'll see.

There's a book I found in the programme office that lists all the free stuff in London to do. So I am going to start taking and good serious look at that to see what I can find to do. I want to save but I don't want to be stuck in the house as well. Maybe while its cold out that seems desirable but I also want to go out too. Anyhows, this book is great, it doesn't stop at gardens and museums, it goes right through suburbs and even places you can randomly volunteer at. Which is good. I'll let you know what I find.

For now I'll leave you to it, whatever it is you may be doing, hopefully smiling and not having too much of a bad day!!

Rachael :-)

Howdy

2006-01-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

Hi!

You're not mad at me are you? I hope you didn't take the whole threat to hang up the other day to heart. I didn't mean it. Well I probably did because I was tired and not at full patience levels. But seriously, you know I am always here for you and I know it's hard for you to talk sometimes. Don't take it to heart, okay?

Pax is Pax. Eri cooked Japanese tonight and today was her last day as a House Assistant. Other than that, nothing overly fantastic is happening.

Take care okay?

Rachael :-)

Good Night

2006-01-30T22:19:00.000-08:00

It's me again.

The evening has been pretty uneventful, aside from dinner coming back to visit me and it's still lingering in my mouth. Bad taste. After my last e-mail to you I came back upstairs to come face to face with Janet who openly declared she was worried about the amount of time I'd been spending in my room and the fact that I haven't had a meal with the staff since Friday lunchtime. I pointed out that dinner was on the run Friday night and I've been off for three days and didn't much feel the greatest desire to eat with everyone else, not to mention the fact I wasn't much into eating at all. Let me reassure you, I did eat food. But I was happy to be by myself as well.

I think I finally got through to Ruth. Haven't heard a word from her since I threatened to hang up the phone. Maybe she took it the wrong way. Do you think I should apologise? Because you know my aim wasn't to make her feel bad or anything.

So it's back to work tomorrow, we'll see how the day goes. Only two days in the office, then two days at an access course and then one day in the office and then I am off. Mind you, I then work six, then three off and only four on. Not a bad deal really. The first of my benchmark dates are coming. Ruth whom I met a couple of years back is bringing her brownies down for Thinking Day weekend.

Alas that is it,

Good Night,

Rachael :-)

Cold Afternoon

2006-01-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon,

I am very tired now. I did my little walk up the hill to Boots and the Post Office and now I am ready for bed again. Which is okay, I have actually been awake since I woke this morning, but I've sort of shifted from my bed, to my desk, back to bed and then out. So now I will go and nap. I'm not straining myself. I thought I was doing great considering how much I've slept the past few days.

So the lady at Boots has loaded me up with drugs. Well vitamins at the very least. Plus a box of paracetamol. So I have a red bottle, a blue bottle and a green bottle. One day I take one pill from the blue bottle, the next day I take one from the green and one from the red. I alternate days. The green and the red are for 30 days, the blue for 60. So we'll see how it goes. But I can't take one blue and one red because it'll be too much vitamin B for my body and it might make me sick. Which is why I alternate days or something like that.

I've just been told there will be a movie night in the Rose Room starting at about 9pm. I said if I was awake, I'd join them. I suppose walking to the Rose Room and back isn't too bad and if I go have that nap I should be fine. I don't want to sleep too much because I don't want to alter my sleep patterns too much. I found the past two nights I've been awake at weird hours and I can't do that while I am working.

Well I am going to get some tea and go back up to bed. I had a random thought that a little of what I felt like just before I got diagnosed with my sugar intolerance is a little of what I am feeling now. Maybe I haven't been as stringent as I need to be. I mean in the beginning I was very careful with what I ate. Stuck to water and a small amount of dairy. No white bread. Brown bread. In some regards it was almost like a detox. While I make a conscious effort to not eat too much 'sugar', perhaps I've been a bit lax when it comes to normal food, like dairy and bread. So I'm going to stop white bread and cut back on dairy and see if that helps. Because when I think about it, I eat far more of that here than I did at home because I'm not a fan of the rest of the food. Maybe over time it's become too much. We'll see. Or maybe I just am tired and not getting enough vitamins. Who knows.

Anyhows, enough about me, I hope you are well and enjoying the day so far.

Rachael :-)

No Sunshine this morning . . .

2006-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

So I am finally awake!

It's five to ten and I'm finally up and about. Mind you, I've just gone into the kitchen to take some mugs in and Maria gave me a container of some kind of vitamins and was going on about diabetes. I might just read the label a bit more before I take them. I'm not a fan of taking pills that someone has just handed over. Eri was just looking at Maria in bewilderment. Erin just laughed. Mamma mia...

You know, I had a dream about being chased by a snake last night. It was weird. I was out and then somehow I made my way to the beach front in amongst the bush and was going from house to house and then I came across a school which had a great view over the cliffs and the ocean, and then I saw a house that looked really interesting so I went down to have a look. Looked around the house, found the far wall was made entirely of glass and had some of the most amazing views I've seen. But then I spotted this python thing, like a huge one, big and fat. So I decide to leave and it was following me so I was moving quicker and in the end it caught up and got me...but I don't know what happened after that because for some reason my alarm clock went off. Don't know why...weird.

This morning I am going to go to Boots. Maybe I'll wait until this afternoon. No big plans for today as you can see!! Sally is back at the reception desk which is a good thing, I think. No Janet which is a worry because she was rostered on today. Perhaps she's starting late?

Right, Good Morning!!! I am off to start the day, or at least start something!! Then maybe take another nap. Who knows.

As always,
Rachael :-)

A Night E-mail

2006-01-29T22:29:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey,

Although I only spoke to you on the phone about two hours ago, it seems such a long way away!!

Not long after I got off the phone there was a knock at my door and Shanna comes in with some Sunday Comics that Phillip had sent her. She's gotten into the habit of bringing them up so I can read them which is kinda nice. Anyhows, she left like ten minutes ago! She was in there for like an hour talking to me. I am slowing coming to understand that she and I are quite similar. We have similar beliefs and our work ethics are very much on a par. She was sort of venting a bit too i think. She's not happy with the HA group we have. She was telling me who worked and who didn't and which personalities were stronger than other. I felt like I was sitting there listening to myself talk because everything she brought up was an exact thought that I had.

She went so far as to say she's not keen on the idea of the WalkAbout every Saturday night and wants to try get the HAs to give something else a go. In fact she even said something that I have said to you -that this group are asking for trouble and are likely to end up getting into trouble. Which was kind of interesting. Like I said, it was like listening to me talk which sort of surprised me. Perhaps the Good Little Christian Girl might become a good ally. Which I need. We'll see.

I'm glad I wasn't too much of a distraction from school work. And you let me know when you have exams and stuff coming because I know they are a busy time and stressful and yeah. . . to a degree it's not so bad through e-mail because you can only check it as often as you can.

This is my problem sleeping during the day, I'm now a lot more wide awake at 11pm than I should be. Usually by now I'm happy to be curled up in bed, having written in my journal, feeling a little dozy and reading a book. Then I can reach across and turn the light out when I feel the need to. But I'm a little wired, more than I should be.

Ohh my mum was saying she was going to post my disks this coming Wednesday so it should take about a week for them to get here. At least I know they are on their way. And the thing about my brother and my journals, I would actually be more inclined to tell my brother about something than I would my mum. We have a good bond as far as siblings go. I hold his secrets, he holds mine. And he's the one person I can count on that if I make it clear no one is to know, he'll take it to his grave. I always told him his 21st birthday gift from me would be a trip to anywhere in the world he wanted. For a time he wanted to go to LA, then it shifted to Canada, then it was the Pyramids. It changes like the weather. But he knows that's his thing, so every now and again he'll mention where we're going. Its kind mushy I know, but that's my bro, and I want him to see how much more there is to 'the world' than Melbourne or rural Tasmania.

Anyhows, I am going to make the journey back upstairs, maybe stop and get some horlics on my way up. For now, good night and good morning.

As always,
Rachael :-).

Writing from my room!

2006-01-27T23:10:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!!

Well I suppose you might not get this until the morning. Hmmm...never mind, you get my drift.

Okay, so the pantomime was kinda lame but good. Slow at times, really, really slow, but it was something to go and see and the only cost was my train fare out there so i shouldn't complain. We didn't spend any time with the brownies, we sat separate from Sally and her group which was a little disappointing, but we were talking to her at one point and they meet every Wednesday at 5pm. It's something to think about when I have days off on Wednesday, whenever that will be.

Maria in the kitchen comes into the dining room this morning to declare that the Euro lotto is going for something like 107 million euro which when converted is about 70 million pounds. Seven of us put in some money to get a syndicate ticket, can you imagine if we won that amount of money and it was split between the seven of us?!! Goodness. I mean the likely hood of even just winning our money back is slim, but it was a good laugh regardless. We started to think about what we'd do with that amount of money. I converted it and nearly passed out. That's more money than I ever dreamed of having.

Some time back we were talking about the 15th Anniversary one afternoon. Heather was telling me about this thought she had about having somewhere set up where people could have their photo taken and we could e-mail it to them, you know like a commemorative thing. She had said that I could be the photographer. Doreen pokes her head out and says to Heather that she shouldn't delegate jobs until everyone has been consulted. I find out today from Breanne that she and I have been given specific jobs, in fact we were requested to work -for Maria. Yep, you read right, Pax Lodge will celebrate it's 15th Anniversary and I'll be in the gosh darn kitchen all day cooking and cleaning and whatever else. I nearly screamed when she told me. Apparently Maria was adamant that it had to be Breanne and I or she wasn't willing to even attempt to get through the day. Can I cry??

Shanna wants to go out tomorrow, for lunch and then wander around the Natural History Museum. I want to, but I don't. I'm in two minds. I know I need to rest but on the same token I also want to go out and do things. Grr. And I'm hating being around both her and Erin at the same time because all they do is go on about Phillip and Allen and I just feel so left out.

Well that just about does it for another e-mail, this one got a bit long, I'm sorry if it takes a while to get through, I just kind of started talking. I don't need to go to Camden to get the phonecard, I got it from the Vic, the little shop next to the George. Tomorrow I want to go to the post office, I didn't end up posting your parcel the other day.

It's time for me to turn out the light. At least tonight I don't have to come up the stairs from the basement and my bed is warm already.

Seriously, I am going now, this is far too long!!

Rachael :-)

Its now later . . .

2006-01-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

So we've just come back from Stomp and it's rather cold out!! What did I think of it? Well, I'm glad I've seen it but I don't think I'd want to see it again! Its not my thing, an hour and a half of noises made on stage just doesn't cut it for me. However, I do have an appreciation of the fact it took a lot of creativity to pull it off and a lot of practice and in that regard, it's pure brilliance! Yet, that's enough Stomp for me.

Now, the whole last Friday night saga with the cameras. When I spoke to you last night, we only knew that the two hooded people came and messed with the camera. We now discover they spent a total of 12 minutes on the property of Pax Lodge and the Bureau between 8:52pm and 9:04pm, right around the time we were locking up for the night. Plus, Patsy was next door working still. The guys came in and thanks to camera footage of both the Bureau and us, we've discovered they actually tried to break into the Bureau via the back door, literally pulling on the door with great force. They then moved back around the side, tried the delivery door, came along the front of the bureau and tried the front door, then down near the doors of Pax Lodge before continuing past the dining room and over the fence into the street.

Yours truly was given the job to note down everything they did in those 12 minutes and it took me close to an hour and a half to do because I had to work out when they left with only certain camera angles at my disposal. I felt like I was working for Vic Pol again!!We've got the local police involved and everything. No one spotted these guys. We've part face angles on them but nothing fantastic. Anyhows, at about 5:25 Doreen comes in (I'm in her office in her chair using her computer!) and says 'You're coming with me' and next thing I know we're trotting over to Air Studios and in we go. Glen, the security guy who gave us the tour, has spotted a guy this morning in a hood walking past Pax Lodge twice and having a serious look at the place, like he was 'casing the joint' as criminals do. So we've pulled a security photo of their system (which kicks ass!!) and yeah, I went back to see if I could make a match between the guy today and the two the other night. There are similar traits, but it's not the same person.

That was my excitement for the day, I seriously felt like I was back in my early old job at the crime department, it was great!

Coming back past the George we looked at the signs they have up for Australia Day and it spans over three nights, plus if I take my Passport, they'll give me a free drink!! Check that! So I think I deserve that at the least as some form of celebration!! My phone hasn't stopped since I turned it on after leaving the theatre.

For now I say goodnight.

Rachael :-)

Just Hours Away

2006-01-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Well I've just eaten dinner and the last of my Arby's Honey Mustard sauce...mmm it was good. Sad that it's over, but good none the less! I did indeed sleep, for like 2 and a bit hours! I was pretty tired and feel a little groggy still, although that's probably because I'm still a little sleepy from my nap, conversation at dinner no longer requires a lot of energy. To night we recapped things that went on at the meal table, like Monique spitting custard at Doreen and Erin S flicking a rubber band which hit one of the Trefoil Ladies in the cheek. He he he.

On the mention of Monique, we were coming back from Camden on the 168 today and we passed a Hummer Limo!! I cracked up laughing coz all I can think about is that coach to Startford with Ruth and Monique behind us and Monique so excited about the Hummer Limo and they just wouldn't shut up!

I haven't seen garden State. For a brief moment there I thought I had but then I realised I was thinking of another movie which I can't remember the name of right now. But it has Jim Carey and Kate Winslet and her hair is always changing colour. Something about a Spotless Mind I think. That was an...Interesting...movie from what I remember. But I'll keep Garden State in mind.

My mum is having issues finding these disks I want her to send over. It would help if she looked in the right place to begin with. How 'The Bottom of my wardrobe in a box' sounds like 'in a cupboard behind my door' is beyond me. It'll require a call I think. I'll do that tonight before I pick Ruth up. I don't think I have to leave until 9, so I can call at about 8:30 as long as I'm ready to walk out the door when I get off the phone. Which isn't likely, all things considered!

I'm now a little nervous about Ruth coming. More than anything I am scared it'll backfire a bit. Must see Sally before I leave too. Damn I was gonna clean my sink as well.

Sunday evening around 8pm we are going to see Geisha. Okay I should be off, I still have to let Janet know Ruth is crashing on my floor Sunday and Monday night, plus a list of other things...gee, where did today go, I'd planned on getting so much sorted out! Ruth and I will talk for a while, maybe go get a crepe (man I haven't done that in such a long time!!!) and yet still I think I'll be in bed at midnight. I may get tired and she may be tired too. Plus we have until Tuesday to catch up and tomorrow afternoon after Camden...plenty of time.

Rachael :-)

P.S Kat leaves on the 25th, yay!

Day Five is Finally over!

2006-01-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Finally day five is over and done with, I sware that the last hour of today just dragged. I am looking forward to three days off, even if seemingly they have things happening each day! Indeed I am looking forward to Ruth coming, I don't think we'll rip each other apart or anything, that only tends to happen when the three of us are together! Typical!

So today by most accounts was eventful to some degree. I had Eri crying in the kitchen again and Maria pulling me in while she's talking to her and saying she's scared to hug Eri because people might think, her being and older woman and all, that she was trying to pick Eri up -so to speak. This somehow lead onto the whole Jennifer saga and how she doesn't want Eri to report her or something. I think I felt as confused as Eri did at the time.

I answered the phone today and talked to a woman called Beverly in Bowling Green. Yep, if I remember rightly, I went 'Oh Puppet People' and proceeded to ask if she was in Kentucky. Nope, a little north, Ohio. So I was talking to her on the phone for quite some time really, dealing with her booking and chit chatting away. She asked if I was American. I don't know what's up with that! Anyhows, she was a really nice lady and is coming here for the 15th Anniversary, in fact most people coming are Americans!! They were given priority apparently. While on the subject of the 15th Anniversary, all hell has broken lose. When coming up with the logo for it all, Maria Plaza, along with Heather's help, designed it according to all the stipulations put out by WAGGGS for this whole new image thing. Well, somehow Sonja next door (she was there for the Sheree Day) got wind and there were last minute meetings yesterday and for a couple of hours today. Everything has to come to a grinding halt because apparently it doesn't meet the criteria. Its not been approved. Heather and Maria don't know what their problem is, so there's more of an 'us' and 'them' type atmosphere than normal. Mind you, I hear this second hand from Breanne who gets called into a meeting with Heather, Doreen and Maria Plaza. Yep I feel in the loop!

Now this piece of work I mentioned. It'll take some time to get here. But pretty much I started it in a very confused point in my life. Like with most of my writing, it was a way of making an insane thought seem real. It involved my character, Manchester in her police job, ya-da ya-da ya-da but brings into play a character who has a slightly different dress sense and perhaps a little more lively in the social scene. Remember though, I started writing it like three years ago, going on four. I actually started it when I was last in the UK, I can even highlight the paragraph that started it, one lazy afternoon in a tent in the sun! It sort of reminds me in some regards of the book I am reading at the moment. There's not too much of a story line to it at this point in time, it ended up becoming more of a character interaction.

Today I achieved one exciting thing and I'll attach a photo to this e-mail for you to see. I gather since you won't read this at home, you'll be able to pull up the photo, I'm sure it will give you a laugh. I'll leave it at that and say nothing because the photo explains it all really!!

For the moment that just about does me, I want to go do some laundry and perhaps go chat things over with Janet. Don't know. What do you think?

Rachael :-)

Night Capers

2006-01-18T21:36:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

So I had the three new HAs invade my room. It was a weird feeling. We were talking about beds with Maria Plaza and they had no idea what sort of beds we were talking about. Up they came to my room and stayed for like 20 minutes talking, asking all about my photos and the summer and a few other bits and pieces. It was odd. Then they left and Shanna came back later on to watch Oceans 11 with me, for like 20 minutes until Philip called and she vanished downstairs, but passed Louise on the way in my door! Good grief!

Louise the Aussie wants to go to the Ministry of Sound Club in South London. While I'm not a hard core clubber, I know enough to know that Ministry of Sound is one of the biggest Music 'movements' in the world, especially in the club scene. Issue is it opens at 11pm and closes at 7am. She asks me if she can break curfew!! I told her to go talk to Janet, which I ended up going with her to do because she was so chicken. I told her better Janet than Doreen. We've just left about ten minutes ago and here I am talking to you!! She didn't get permission to break curfew, and is kinda pisses about it. She'll get over it I guess.

Everyone is their own separate identity. Point being, I probably will tell you things from time to time and its not because I feel you want to ask them. Its just that I feel like telling them.

You know I was actually looking up the real estate website this evening, checking out what's available at the moment. Found a place I liked, had what I wanted. Now I just prey the tenants move out come December, January next year!!! Then it's mine!! Nah, I just like to have an idea of what to expect, that's all. I even went as far as thinking about furniture which is a little scary. Purely because I actually don't own anything other than a small set of shelves and a pine desk and chair. I don't even own a bed!!

By all regards, I am normal. Just a little slow on my old days, that's all. And considering the physical nature of Pax, I've only had two old days since June which is an amazing thing!!

But the rest of my day has been pretty much nothing other than a visit from the HAs and going to Janet's flat. After I am done here I am off to bed for an hour or so of reading! Yay! I really do like the book, thank you. Oh I know what else I've done, I finished Eri's book! Closed it and went, yep, that's the end of a good era at Pax Lodge.

By the sounds of it Mexican Food is on the agenda for Saturday. Sunday is Speakers Corner, and in the evening we're going to see Memoirs of a Geisha. We've got Shanna, Eri, Maria Patricanan, Louise, Me and Ruth, plus I think Janet is thinking about coming too! Yay!! So I am looking forward to that too. Sally is off on Friday and wants me to go gallivanting with her to Covent Garden and a few other places, we'll see how that goes and how I am doing.

I think I need a hug. For the moment I have a book. And Eton, though its not quite the same.

Rachael :-)

No Geisha Tonight

2006-01-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings !

So first thing is first. I rang the doctor and wait for it.....It all came back normal!! Morons!! I so know it's not! I don't know what else to do now. Stupid stupid stupid.

Today was another day in the office. All three of us were working which made things interesting. Had many many bookings come through and have got a woman who continuously e-mails asking me questions. Goodness me. I got a card in the mail from Rebecca today, I opened it up and it had like 10 chocolate freddo frogs in it!! Gosh! They look different to Aussie ones too. So that was pretty much my excitement for the day. I had gone downstairs at like 8:15am for the sole purpose of e-mailing people but we're having big issues with the basement computer and it just wouldn't log onto the server. I was just about in tears. Thus I went down later in the morning and sent the quick e-mail through. I felt like such a criminal! But it was a good rush.

All the HAs minus Shanna are going to the cinema tonight to see Memoirs of a Geisha. I've decided to pass on that one and will go at a later stage with Shanna who is Rover and in the office until 9pm. I like Shanna, despite the fact that she can be god damn annoying at times. Partly she reminds me of "The South" of America, like being back in Kentucky with her 'Y'all' every so often. I think Janet is feeling a little off key too because she barely knows these girls. They still come to me asking things and just out of habit I answer. It happened in the morning meeting this morning, even Doreen asked me ahead of asking Janet and I kind of felt bad about that. Almost like I have taken that from her and I don't really wish that to happen.

I wrote the article for the Our World News today. I kinda like it. A combination of the short piece I sent home and my testimonial as it so far stands. I don't know if Georgina will put it in though, apparently Heather says they are picky and have a bad habit of editing a lot of the stuff they publish. That bugs me because usually they pull out a line that makes the whole thing seem great! The whole point of it!

The Australian Open started a couple of days ago, it takes place in Melbourne and can make transport in the area a living nightmare. You should watch a little and look out for the shots of Melbourne they do, give you a sneak peak of the city I've lived my life in.

I expect that things will start to get busy for you. You write when you can, I know you don't always have access to a computer, it's okay.

For now I am off, I want to run down the road to grab a few things, envelopes mainly!

I'll talk to you when I do,

Rachael :-)

The Evening is Here

2006-01-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

Good Evening,

Your letter arrived in the mail today. As did my credit card, which I am very thankful for. Your letter that is, the card was just a bonus!! I actually plan to sit down and write you a letter tonight, maybe spread it over a few nights. Don't know, depends on how much I end up writing, if any at all. Depends on how engrossed I become in my book :-) Am very determined to finish it within the next week, here's to hoping!

It hasn't been too bad today. First day back in the office and Pax Lodge lost power for about two hours. No work :-) Spent nearly an hour with Janet going over things which had been done and just in general how the house assistants are doing and who I thought should stay on for an extra month we now have vacant. She only works half days at the moment. But other than that, I was in the office which was kind of sucky but it's something to do I guess.

Not sure what went on with the HAs today. There were 2 Rovers and a House. There were 14 rooms to be cleaned (left over from yesterday) and when I went up at like 2pm, only 6 had been cleaned and none vacuumed. Good grief. Apparently Erin had said she'd been busy with laundry, so what were the other two doing? Anyhows, Doreen fired them up. They did more in an hour than they'd done all day.

Meal times have become interesting. It's now the Detox people on one table and the non detox on the other. Tonight we (non detox) sat there and laughed ourselves stupid. It was like being at the table with Monique again! There were some injokes being thrown around accompanied by some rather curious facial expressions. I am now filled in on the happening over Christmas. Apparently Kristina and her Boyfriend 'christened' her room and Doreen heard, making the comment that you could put a duvet along the wall to muffle the sound...yep, good job Kristina!! I have never seen her more red in her life!

Breanne is back from Rome and Sally is rather excited to have her back.

Shanna, Ruth and I are going to Speakers Corner on Sunday which I am looking forward to. And we're going to see Memoirs of A Geisha tomorrow night -if I feel up to it.

Anyhows, no doubt I'll come back down to the basement later on, I usually do around 10pm before I crawl into bed with my book. Sometimes at 10:30, just depends on how I am doing.

Hope this find you well and at least smiling a little.

Things will get better over time, I know that.

Rachael :-)

Heya

2006-01-15T16:32:00.000-08:00

Heya!

Do you know I had a chocolate in the US called Ruthie....it was quite nice actually!

Crepes most definitely but I hate to break it to you, apparently Hagan Das Closed down over Christmas, I haven't seen it myself but yeah, sorry to disappoint you mate.

Free stuff is definitely good! I am on a budget myself, I need to start saving for my airfare so I can buy it in like April and get a descent price, especially now I want to go back to Australia via the States. I want to look for some beads too, I found two places in the seven dials which weren't open on Saturday so I am going down on Friday to check it out.

The other thing is that on Sunday at some point, Shanna wants to head out to Speakers Corner in Hyde Park and I'd like to go with her. I told her you would be here and she's all for you coming as well! So that might be the morning or something and then perhaps afterwards we can go to like the Science Museum or something. I've been there before, it's okay, and I'll go again. Other than that, I have no idea!

And I am sure we can pick up a descent meal around here for that price, probably the good omlette place up the hill or even eat at the milkshake place where the meals are huge and we could get one between us and still have plenty of food!

Now you do realise I have to work like Monday and Tuesday right? I don't finish until 6pm. So Monday night I can try get out of dinner and we can eat out that night or something or go and do something? Tuesday I can't go anywhere because I'm on Nights again (like tonight!) but you go home on Tuesday anyways, right?

So Sunday is a little planned out. Saturday we could do the Heath and Camden or stuff around here, up to you. We should make Sunday our Central London day. Or we could go in both days, either way. Hey you know what we should, if you are interested, we should go on one of those London Walks...I like those. They even do local ones here in Hampstead and it's not bad for £5...either way not fussed.

Okay, back to work Rachael! Yes, I am excited you are coming too! It'll be nice to have a familiar face around!! Oh and just so you know, I might leave you to your own devices on Saturday night from about 9pm onwards, maybe. See it's free calls to Australia this month and I can only really call from about 8pm onward. It depends if we decide to go and do something. If we have plans that's cool, but if not I'd like to do that if that's okay with you.

Okay, am going for real this time! I'll see you at Finchley on Friday night,
CheerioRachael :-)

Photos!

2006-01-13T16:13:00.000-08:00

Greetings All!!

I finally have some photos up for you guys to see. It's the same link I sent a few months back, you just have to look for the album titled 'The US of A' and there are 48 photos from my trip to Kentucky. Indeed this isn't all of them, in fact I took nearly three times as many as there are here!! But I do have limits on what I can put up.

I will eventually get some more of Pax put up, some before and some since I came back. We've had a small sprinkling of snow on my first day back at work, which just happened to be a 7am start after getting home the day before!! It was an interesting day really, well the first week was! I was very sleep deprived, unwell and just wanted to be left alone. Come on not here!!

Nah, it's okay, I'm slowly getting over it. Had a visit to the doc's and the damn vampires took 4 quite large vials of blood! Ouch! Then had a visit to the nurse because I was a new patient at the Doc's surgery. Which is good. Seven months here and it was my first visit, very impressive when you consider the track record Pax has had lately!!

Mum will probably be aware of this, but had plans not changed, I would have arrived back home in Melbourne some seven hours ago!! It's a little scary really. Still have 10 months to go. I am actually looking forward to another summer. Well actually I just want some descent daylight.

The three new HAs have arrived! Xenia from Germany, Louise from Oz and Shanna from the USA. Yep, at their welcome ceremonies the other night, I realised I now have to share the Aussie flag with someone!! It was kinda nice though, she says lots of words I haven't heard in a long time. They seem to have settled in well enough. They kinda freaked out a bit when they found out tomorrow we've 51 beds filled!! That hasn't happened in such a long time! I mean the most we've had is about 10 people in. You should have seen their faces when I told them that 51 in a day was nothing out of the ordinary during summer. He he he, it's what I call a 'Real House Assistant Day!' all right!! No, that just excites me because despite how crazy they were, change over days were my fav.

Went to the cinema the other night and saw Brokeback Mountain. It's now been labelled the Gay Cowboy Movie and is kind of a running joke amongst the HAs. They weren't too impressed. Kristina and I cried our eyes out. We're a pair of sobs!! So the next movie is on the 17th which is Memoirs of a Geisha which I am looking forward to.

Excitement for the week is the news that Ruth is coming to Pax next weekend!! I actually wasn't supposed to know, she was just going to rock up as a surprise. She'd been conspiring with Sally and Breanne. However, considering how "Emotionally Disturbed" I am, she thought better and decided to give me a bit of notice. Kind nice really!! It will be good to have a familiar face around, might lift my spirits a little.

Hope you are all well, there's probably a dozen more things I could tell you all about, but I can't think too much right now, brain strain hurts too much!

Take care and I am sure we shall talk soon!
Must get back to it!
Rachael :-)

Just some further reading

2006-01-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

So the good news is Janet is coming back tomorrow night, and will start on Monday doing part time work, but knowing Janet to what degree part time means will vary slightly to what everyone else considers to be part time! This is good news. I am glad she'll be back.

I am trying to write my HA testimonial at the moment in between doing Janet work and keeping HAs under control. Tomorrow will be very interesting and I am kind of glad I am not working. Yep you guessed it, the three new ones are working and it's a 51 bed arrival day!! Shanna saw the list for tomorrow and nearly freaked out. I said 'Welcome to a real House Assistant Day' and I promise you, she was ready to pass out. Trying to get her to comprehend that we did this regularly in summer was a little too much for that Southern Texan mind to handle!

There is an evening program tonight and guests for lunch so by comparison to how it has been, Pax Lodge is buzzing a little for the newbies. It's good, perhaps they'll get a little bit more of an understanding as to what goes on. I'm tired of them saying "I'm board" when there are still many things to be done. Things like daily jobs and deep cleaning. Hello, just because these aren't on your daily jobs list (Which technically they are) they still need to be done.

It's Maria Plaza's birthday today. She wants everyone to go salsa dancing tonight. I don't think so. I don't dance at the best of times, I am not salsa dancing!! I can't dance! But that said, I don't know what the plan of action is. Perhaps I could just go to socialise. Actually I'd rather just stay here, I only had one day off, then one more tomorrow and have to work five and then Ruth arrives. I need to get better and be rested and patient enough to deal with Ruth. Don't get me wrong, it will be really nice to have someone back and someone to go out with. It is something. And something is better than nothing at the moment.

The other thing is that HAs are planing to go to the movies again, back to the O2 Centre in Finchley and I've been invited in advance! I feel kinda privileged. Unless they go on Sunday night which I can't do coz I am on nights. However, they are going to see Memoirs of a Geisha which looks kinda interesting. No more gay cowboy movies thank you.

I have to admit, I am feeling a little better today. My mind is kept busier than it has been. And I really think that sleeping most of the night through without waking is helping. Perhaps it is that Badger balm, it's keeping me asleep long enough. I'm finding if I turn the light out about midnight and doze off shortly after that, I wake at about 5am and then sleep again until my alarm goes off at 8am. So I'm averaging about 7 hours of sleep a night. I'm surprised I'm sleeping through considering the duress I am under!

Hmm this got kinda long and I don't even know why I started it. I've been adding to it bit by bit coz I can save it as a draft and come back to it without leaving the screen up which is a great thing! Janet's office has been kind of busy today, lots of work will be done before the day is over. Now I know she's coming back so soon, I just want to double check and make sure there is as little as possible that she needs to do. If I can deal with it, I will. That way it's only the really important Deputy stuff that needs to be done.

We got a thank you letter from the Japanese family who stayed in August, the ones who left the candy and gave us the Green Tea Ceremony. There are some photos in there too, a good one of you taking the tea. I'm going to try scan them or get some copies made at Jessops. Then I can send them to you. There is a group shot out by the flag pole. The new ones can't believe how green and pretty the place looks. Better than dreary winter by far!

Hope classes go well today, Friday the 13th...
Rachael :-)

An Hour and a Half to go

2006-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Hello,

I've spent most of the day sitting at Janet's desk trying to wade through the truckload of e-mails which came in over the festive season. Answering questions about HA positions is starting to get a little old. Still preferable to the front office though so I shouldn't complain. I am resting, mostly. I intend to spend the evening quietly to myself. I know going to the movies and the Walkabout (that part not planned) wasn't the worlds greatest idea, but I am trying to figure out where my place is here. I am trying to keep as involved with the HAs as possible. I need to feel like I am still a part of something because I feel lonely enough as it is. If I isolate myself too much it will be a bad thing. I've already missed out on a stack of 'bonding' with these guys. They laugh about things which happened while I was gone and I feel left out. I don't want that to happen too much. Yeah, it wasn't a smart idea all things considered. But I rugged up. If that's any consolation.

Finally my fourth day of training is over. One more standard day and that's it. One day off, One day of training, one day off and then five again. I can do it....I probably should rest. I'll read a book. Hey I might even start Bleak House!!

Okay going now!!!

Rachael :-)

The House Assistant Experience

2006-01-10T13:28:00.000-08:00

(article for Communicating, Guides Vic Mag)

Have you ever had a moment when you wished you could be someone else, in some place anywhere other than where you are? It was within one of those moments that I took a giant leap of faith and made the choice to uproot my life and move halfway around the world to play housemaid. In a moment of insanity, I decided to volunteer myself for five months to do one of the craziest jobs I have known to date.

The location - Pax Lodge, one of the Four World Centres. Pax Lodge in one of the busiest cities in the world -London. Pax Lodge, the place where strangers soon are friends. Yet as I sit here now, nearly seven months later, I know that the staff here are more than friends. They have become family.

I spent my English summer cleaning up after 100s of guests from all around the world, all of them sisters in Guiding and Scouting. But the experience of being a House Assistant goes beyond bed making, beyond dishwashing, beyond house tours. It is about the people you meet, the things you learn and the memories you create. Yes, there were days where the workload seemed impossible. But right there next to you are some of the most amazing people you’ll ever meet. There to help you. There to support you. That is what the Guiding Movement is about. The People.

So when I was offered a further twelve months at Pax Lodge as the Booking Assistant, I jumped at the opportunity. There are days I find it hard to be so far away from family and friends. And yet on the flip side I know this is an opportunity unlike any other and an experience I will never forget.

Rachael M
Booking Assistant

North Metro Region