Ritual Good Night Message

Good Evening,

I really hope the Opera goes well!! I've never been to the Opera, had you before tonight?

The trip to the Milkshake Place lasted two hours although we didn't get to go into the place! They were too full, so we walked back down the hill and the eight of us crammed around a table in the dodgy Omelet place and ate and had drinks there. They had a little mini house assistant meeting like we used to, but no where near as successful. There are far too many self centred people! It's funny, that's the first time I've sat down with all of them at the same time. They were asking me questions like I was Janet. It was a little odd.

Shanna Louise and Xenia were the first to leave, though that's not all that surprising. There is a definite split in the group, that's painfully obvious. In saying that it was nice, but in all honesty I wanted to be back on the phone with you!!

Yes, like all other times in my life when I find something good, I expect there to be a bad. Up until now that has always been the case and I've usually anticipated it (Heather just shouted out Good night to me -it's 11:30pm!)...um...

My point being I'm not going to dwell on it.

For now I have to say good night, it's getting late and it's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Me :-)

Let Me Get the Toothpicks

Good Morning!

The eyes are finding it a little hard to stay open this morning and I'm not entirely sure why! I mean I slept the whole night through and feel a little groggy, but that's all. I didn't go to bed any later than normal. Maybe the prospect of working an extra day (even if it is with a lot of kids!) seems far too spirit dampening to deal with right now! I should imagine that once I get some food into me I'll be fine.

Indeed I've often found my friendship with Veronica to be amusing, I often wonder just what on earth keeps us friends because more often than not we are so different! Then I also just find Vee amusing in general because she's what I call a repeat offender. She never learns her lesson from the first time she did wrong, it's just a vicious cycle going around and around. Perhaps there will come a time when she'll realise this and make right with the world! I also kind of like how she really doesn't give a damn about what anyone will think, she just says it as it is. That's not without insecurities of course, but she pays less attention to them.

All systems go for calling!! I'll come up after dinner. I'll gulp everything down just to get up to you quicker!!

The journal gave away nothing of what I was feeling the night before Bath. In saying that, that particular entry took place in the early evening while you and Ruth were off doing what ever it was you were doing. That's all it says. Unless whatever it was happened after that, even then it couldn't have been too prominent because I would have mentioned it the next day. But there's nothing there that give me any idea as to what it was all about!!

For now I have to go, another day of work calls.

Until next time,

Me

Its Time!

Good Late Evening!!

Now, the movie, just to get that out of the way. We went to see 'Rumour Has It' and by most standards it was good. Did you ever read the book or see the movie called 'The graduate'? This movie was basically the 'true' story of that. If that makes sense at all. Anyhows, it was a romantic comedy and I didn't cry. Little random things I guess, nothing too major. By most accounts the movie was good, although it would seem we tend to go for controversial movies, like Gay Cowboys and Guys who sleep with three generations of women in the same family...

The interesting part for me was the walk to Finchley. One thing I do like about Pax Lodge is the continuously changing group dynamics. I went with Louise, Shanna and Xenia. The three who arrived in January. It was interesting to see their take on how the staff as a whole works, how the HAs and in deed the gap works and then how individuals work. Although they use different terminology, they've made a lot of the same observations we did and still do. All I can say is that this HA meeting which is taking place on Monday will be rather interesting and I would like to be a fly on the wall.

So its now evening in Kentucky, around 6:30ish I believe. Does that mean you finished work? Or still more to go? Hmmm I don't know, I think maybe you still have more to go. I am sure you 'll do fine, you'll probably find most things will start coming back to you as you go along. Most things are like riding a bike, once you've done it you never forget. You just need a refresher every now and again!

In what manner do my friendships amuse you?!

The incident the night before bath isn't ringing any bells off the top of my head. However, if I was cheesed off at you I probably wrote about it in my journal. I might go check that out when I go up for bed. I don't know what was going on there. Rest assured, in the future I will go anywhere with you!!

Office work. I enjoy some aspects of it, in some areas of it. If that makes any sense. Erin it's just a job. I can get a job anywhere, be it here, Oz or anywhere else.

I'm now working both Saturday and Sunday. I was only supposed to work Saturday and they have asked me to do Sunday as well. So my three days off start a day later. But that said, I'm not on nights or anything.

Well, I am going to crawl upstairs and get into bed. It's almost midnight now and I am feeling a little on the tired side. Too much brain power required today and it's too cold outside. It's like 1 or 2!! No wonder I was cold coming back from Finchley!

Rachael

The Eve of Day has Arrived

Good Evening,

So I finally got to the end of day one, it finished not at 5pm, not at 5:15pm, not at 5:30pm, but 5:45pm!! It was a huge information overload by the end of it and yet I am still smiling which is always a good thing right?! Wore my wildcats shirt today, I love it, every time I wear it I think of the woman Debbie at the Capitol Building!!

Tonight was fish night so when I eventually got home it was chips and vegetarian moussaka, a long call from the steak I was supposed to go get with Sally. Apparently I rocked up just a few minutes late. Doreen yelled at all the HAs who were sitting there bad mouthing Maria the cook. Damn I always miss the good stuff!! Thankfully there were no guests at dinner, in fact there are no guests at all. That makes Dixon happy coz he gets to wander around the house.

Was in the building maybe 10 minutes before I get asked to work Sunday, yep two, six day stints in one month. That said, I'm happy to work Sunday. It's international adventure day and I'm being let out of the office to help. Why? There are 79 Brownies coming!!! Its gonna be HUGE!!! So with their leaders it about 90 odd people plus the staff. Heather has said she's got an activity lined up if I want it, it's along the theme of Thinking Day and it's an action story, so every time a certain word is said, they have to do an action. The stipulation is that I have to wear my hat, but I get to play story teller too!! Man, I am so excited!

I was also told that this evening the HAs are going to Finchley to see a movie called 'Rumour Has It' only I don't know what the movie is about. That said, I am thinking about going.

Rachael :-)

Lunchtime!

Good Afternoon,

So I imagine your day is pretty long right? Wait, maybe you haven't started it yet...either way, good luck with the shows, are you being better paid this time? I remember last time you were saying you shouldn't have gone by number of people, rather the number of shows you did. Is that the same this time? Anyhows, are you bringing Mike out today? What sort of shows? Who is in it? Who you doing it with? I know I know 20 questions but I am just curious that's all!

The course is going well, its a lot more information today and how things can go wrong even it you do little things out of place. However, I still like the program and you know what? I can see myself in the future using it for personal projects, be it keeping track of things or whatever. But I like it and I like working with it. See if I go back to my job and transfer to a Receptionist type role, having done this course will work in my favour because part of the reception role (well you're general admin for a squad, not just reception) is to do data entry some of which is passed on by the Analysts who basically write the programming for Access and the databases they set up. I now understand how it all works and why they were so stringent about making sure I didn't do anything wrong when they first got me doing data entry!!

Wow, that was a long sentence. Better take a deep breath...right, am back.

Lunch today is really good, Bree cheese and there is bacon in the sandwiches and the heating is working really well. I think I like these courses, just for the food and the slight freedom you have. Janet was cooking lunch and getting ready for dinner tonight, apparently they're having steak. Man I miss a good piece of steak, I could do with that right now.

I am also talking to Ruth at the moment who is telling me about her bad panto experience. Rebecca signed out earlier and see still has me a little worried but she's also been talking to someone else at Pax who I assume is Breanne. But she tells me she didn't need stitches this time. What's that about? I told her we knew she was trying to hurt herself while at pax and she wanted to know why we thought that. I told her between the two of us we watched and keep an eye on everyone. We were right, she was doing harm to herself. Good grief!

The girl next to me has just gone out for a cigarette which brings me to a confession BUT there is also good news. See, in my randomness on Aussie Day at the WalkAbout, Louise handed me a cigarette and I'll admit, I had a few. Good grief, I felt like I could have died. Then for the rest of the afternoon and the next day, despite having showered and scrubbed my hands so much, all I could smell was cigarettes. It was so horrible and I really did hate myself for it. See, last time I started again, that reaction didn't happen. I just went right back into being a regular smoker. I can't do that this time, I literally felt repulsed by it. While I am kinda mad, I am also relieved to know that I don't think I'll ever be a smoker again. Yes, it's disappointing I know and I think I am cured of being a smoker, I can't believe how repulsed I felt. Yuck.

This food is so darn good!! Well, lunch is pretty much over and I really would like to stay and talk to you, you know that, but I have to go and grab a drink and do a loo stop before we start again.

Rachael

Re: Hey Rach!

Kacey Mate!!!

Man it's great to hear from you! How is England? Damn, well, I kinda feel now like I shoulda come home in January when I was supposed to! It's not that bad I guess, I am still enjoying it, but I'd give anything for a descent bit of sunshine. I can deal with being cold, it's the fact I have a huge lack of daylight and it's driving me mad!

So what's bringing you to England in May? Who? What? Where? Why? When? Yeah yeah I want all the details! So for how long and will you be coming to London?

Wait dude, you turned 21 in December right? Shit, Happy Birthday man!! I can't believe I forgot...actually I don't even know what made me remember! Ha! Well I am currently out of Pax Lodge on an Access course, day 2 and I have good food sitting here in front of me, so I am gonna go.

Lemmie know what's what!!

Talk to you Soon,
Your Bud,
Rachael :-)

A Better Good Morning

Gooooood Morning!

Well I finally made it to Holburn, with 45 minutes to spare until we start the course. This is good, I can eat their muffins, drink their coffee and talk to people! And I have to do a bit of reading too which I should have done last night but didn't.

When I said you could teach me English, it was partly on an editing train of thought, but more about linguistics and stuff too. I sort of meant in general. I've always liked to write but my biggest problem is sometimes not understanding how the English language works. I know that doesn't really make sense considering what I can write, but I know an editor would have a field day with anything I tried to get edited for publishing. So I was just kind of saying yeah, maybe you could help me in that regard.

Me and sleep last night was good while it lasted! Nah, it was quite heavy and deep so I woke up feeling kind of groggy and like I had too much sleep. So it took a little longer to get going this morning, had to wait for the fog to clear!

I am talking to our Rebecca at the moment as well as Veronica. Rebecca has admitted that she's starting 'harming herself' again which is kinda scary. Veronica was telling me about her threesome and going to the gay pride march next weekend. Cripes, a morning of madness. I am a little worried about Rebecca, okay a lot worried but I am also aware there's nothing I can do.

Oh my god, Veronica just asked me to do something for her. I now discover it's for her 21st. See I was supposed to be back in Oz for it. And she was going to ask me to say a few words at her 21st. Now she's asked if I still would, and e-mail it to her and she can get someone to read it out on my behalf! how nice is that?!

Yes you snored on the way to Bath! We didn't even get out past Woodfod and you started to fall asleep!! I have a photo on my phone to prove it! I don't understand why you thought I wouldn't go to Bath with you. I can't even remember how that came about.

I will wish Happy Birthday to Janet for you and I will say good bye to Eri for you. I'm actually off those days so I might even go with her to the airport. I don't know.

Well I really have to go so I can get this reading done.

Rachael

Night Time Rambling

My Dear!

You know you have me sitting here chuckling now!

The ice-cream was good, in fact so good I ate half the tub! Well come on for an hour and a half of viewing that's good!! Mind you I did eat corn chips too. Not a great diet to be having, ey?! Yep, watched Eastenders and The Bill which was good. Got my copper fix, he he he.

I don't need you to send me more soup!

Eri is in Scotland, she left quite early this morning. She won't be back until the 6th which is when her leaving ceremony is. I bet I cry. Yeah, I better make sure I have some tissues on me. Eri is the last of my HA crowd, gone gone gone. Its so weird. Sally was watching the slide show of photos Maria Plaza put together back in October, or whenever it was. She was watching it when I came back this evening. I sat there and watched it with her too. The photo that starts it is of you and her, one of the ones I took.

So she turns around and says 'I know she's your Erin and all, but I really like that photo of the two of us' and I just thought that was kind of cute. I've also realised that I refer to you as my Erin as well. Because at one point Shanna came by and one of the summer group pics came up so we were pointing out who everyone was and Shanna went 'Oh is that your Erin'. By that I think perhaps when we're talking about ex HAs we have the three Erin problem and I know in the beginning I was calling you Erin Gow and then I know it dropped to Erin G. I hadn't thought I was referring to you as My Erin as such, but then maybe it's just Shanna's way of remembering who you are as well, considering she's seen all the photos in my room.

Which reminds me, I was going to send you the photo of what is on my wall!! I still haven't done that. I'm sorry. When I am finished this e-mail I run upstairs and grab my camera and attach it on. Hopefully it will work and you'll be able to see it. Actually I could save this as a draft in my inbox, close my e-mail, get the camera and come back....I might just do that!

Right, I am back! Camera in tow, plugged in and photo attached! It's only what's on my wall, I could have taken a photo of what's on my wardrobe, but basically it's just covered in photos from Kentucky. This was what I was working on. It is very simple but it seemed to take forever while I got the photos developed and then I had to search online for the cartoons I used in your book!! That took some time. But now its done. And you've got the photo to see!! Its not the greatest photo, but you get the general idea.

I can't believe it's almost 9:30 and I am ready for bed! I should start reading another book. Bleak House doesn't feel right to start yet, so I won't. I need something a little less complex at the moment. Maybe I should read that library book I borrowed in like November and still have but haven't yet read!! Its by the same author I was reading that night you came back from seeing Mira.

So what's on the agenda for work today? Are you showing another film? If so, what was it? I had to laugh when you asked how I remember so much. I tend not to remember important things, but I remember details of trivial stuff. Like the fact your Mum's birthday was around the time you left for Pax. Like the pencil and your scar. And the time you told me about your mum's accident and how you felt. Like you snoring on the way to Bath. The huge mug your mum drinks out of to read the paper. Your dad going for walks to the creek. Your mums parents going to Florida. Little Lolly and the story of the other Lolly doll, but not lolly and how its original owner asks about her, or used to. I just have a knack for remembering stuff like that and it's not even intentional and usually I remember it at the most random times. I don't even know what made me think about your mum's birthday.

Anyhows, enough dribble for now. Let me try think about talking about something intelligent, like those Gorilla's in the Rain forest!! He he he, aww man, all the good jokes and moments just don't have the same effect on these guys.

I don't think I am going to end up going to Our Chalet with Breanne. We were supposed to go the end of this month and I don't have 160 pounds or there abouts to be spending on that trip. Not if I have to come up with money for an airfare. I'll wait till the airfare business is sorted out. Even if I go late May early June, at least I've got a bit of time to save and I know that my airfare is sorted which is my main concern. I'm not freaking out about money, so relax, I'm just being realistic. Don't get mad, I'm not saying I won't go to Chalet, I am just saying I won't be going at the end of the month, that's all. I will get there, I am close enough to I better!!

Well, I am going to go upstairs and crawl into bed.

Good Night,

Rachael

Greetings Chick!

Heya Chick!!

So I did an Access training course, kinda reminded me of Oracle training...but not quite because it's not really financial. Anyhows, so working away in Access and the little help things pops up and I couldn't help but change it to the Cat!! He he he! And then the teacher was talking about records in a jukebox and she said someone randomly name a record and Elvis was the first to come up!! Yay! "In the Ghetto...."

I hope everything is working out for you in the Force these days, I am still waiting for those Grad photos and stories to emerge!

It's funny you know, when I left Melbourne back in June I had ideas in my head as to what I wanted to achieve when I came back. Things are so very different now. I just think it's crazy how time can change those things.

Right chick I am off, the training day is over and I am likely to get kicked out very soon, plus if I don't hurry I won't be home in time for dinner and I don't get paid until tomorrow so I have no dosh!! Great, peak hour on the London Transport System, don't want to face up to that....

Catch you when I do,
Take care, sorry this is so short, I will sit and write you better soon!!

Rachael :-)

An Afternoon Hello

Good Afternoon!

So it's lunch time and I am eating sandwiches, but real sandwiches, none of the Pax Lodge type which is brilliant because they are really yummy and I want to eat them all afternoon! Aww man! Takes a bit of brain power to get around some of this stuff but I really think I like access as a program. I know I've said that before, but its like a huge problem solving programme to set up and yeah, a nice challenge and more in depth than other stuff.

There are only 7 or 8 people here which is kinda odd. But then I guess training sessions at home had maybe 10-15. I feel a bit like I am back at school. Makes a change though I guess. I am talking to Ruth at the moment, we have MSN here which is okay, at least I know she's talking to me!! She seems to be okay but I've just had an e-mail rock up in my inbox from her. We'll see.

Well I hope you are well. The heating has started to work thank goodness so I am not as cold now. For the moment I am going back to the good sandwiches.

Rachael

A Few Last Things

Me again,

Am I okay emotionally? Yes I am, I am just generally feeling sad and down and lonely at the moment. I still struggle a little with feeling under the weather. I don't know if talking to Janet would help. This afternoon it was almost like this wave of needing motherly attention washed over me. Like how I used to feel sometimes when leaving my Grandparents when I had to fly back to Melbourne after the holidays. I can't explain it. I just wanted a really big hug and afterwards I felt like crying. It may be that I'm still a little off balance. Perhaps not hearing from you was I part of that, but like I said I figured it was an e-mail problem so don't feel bad about it. It's kinda hard to pin point what is wrong. Nothing specific, but lots of things culminating to make everything seem ten times worse! If that makes sense.

Well, I really should get to sleep since I have to get up a little earlier tomorrow morning for this stupid course. I don't really want to go. Mind you having training in Access will work to my advantage at home when it comes to shifting across jobs if I can. Access is the database program that VicPol uses in the Crime Department because of the flexibility it provides. So that's a good thing I guess. And I get out of Pax and eat Non Pax Food.

Okay, good night, I do miss you lots but I am incredibly happy to have you back! I look forward to seeing you again, even if it does seem a little while away.

Until next time, as always,

Rachael

Good Night

My dear,

Once again I am writing to you from bed. I had actually planned on being down in the basement, it doesn't much bother me really because it's now really only Breanne and I that seem to use it now the HAs have the laptop. Anyhows, I just went down to the basement and can't get in. We've been having a few problems with the lock on the second door so haven't been locking it until we can get a locksmith in to fix it.

Anyhows, Heather is on nights tonight and hasn't been well and is a little out of it. I think she's locked the door because not even the key will unlock it now, my guess is that the locking mechanism in the door has dropped and won't unlock it. Good job Roy isn't in tomorrow otherwise he won't be able to get in. Thus my point being that I couldn't get into the basement so I raided the cupboard in Doreen's office and found that the laptop was still there and well, here I am. I hope they fix the basement door otherwise I don't care what they say, I'm going into the library to use the computers in there.

Dinner tonight was supposed to be lasagna. If you ask me it was more along the lines of curdled milk. It really was bad, thank goodness we didn't have guests, that's all I can say!! Budgens provided me with random things like corn chips (yes I went and got some!) a tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough and a small ham and pineapple pizza. I thought about getting a little can of sweetcorn too but I figured it just wouldn't be the same without you. We came back and ate and were going to watch a video or something but the guest room was taken.

In the end I came up to my room and sorted out two shoe boxes of stuff I have managed to accumulate in the time I have been here. Ditched some receipts and stuff I really didn't need any more. You know I kind of got around in the summer, we both did. I was looking at all the tickets I had collected, both coach and other wise and it's very impressive to see what I actually got up to. Mind you I dread to think about the kind of money it all adds up to as well!

I think that for now I will say good night.

"Night!"

Aww Yay!

Oh My Dear,

You are back!!! (now giving you the biggest hugs I ever have!!) While the sane and normal and rational part of me was terrified something had gone wrong, there was a little voice of reason telling me you were probably just having server problems. I was a little distressed, yes, but I also knew it really was what, maybe two days at the most I hadn't heard from you?

Speaking of crazy you want to hear something bizarre? Maria in the kitchen has started to pipe up about being the only cook in the place and wants an extra pair of hands. Which is fine, completely understandable. But you know what? She said we should have it like a 12 month positions and you know what? She wants to offer it to Breanne or I!! Doreen was telling the two of us right before dinner and we both turned around and said no at the same time!! Ha! It was hilarious. Come on it's bad enough I'm in there for the 15th Anniversary...

I ended up doing Trisha's after dinner House training because Janet has jumped on a train to go back to Goring until Saturday. You know, I kind of got all sad she was going!! I have been on the verge of tears most of today and yeah, so I went and got a good bye hug and she told me to look after myself and yeah, I wanted to cry! I didn't want her to go!! He he he, I just feel kind of alone right now, that's all. It's a little hard to explain. I know I am happy with all I have here, it's far better than nothing, but there's this little...not insecurity, but insecure feeling, vulnerable almost, sitting in my gut and I feel like a scared little kid. So it was like watching mama duck leave! But yeah, back to training, I was sad when I found out that's what I had to do!! Dinner was horrible, like more horrible than normal. So a few of us are going down to Sexy Budgens to get food. Great Idea.

Tomorrow and the next day I have an Access course I have to go to in Holburn, might meet new people too. Plus they provide a buffet lunch and it won't be at Pax Lodge! I have to leave at like 8:30am to get there on time but I'll still stop by and e-mail you to say good morning now that I can!!

Okay well I'll come back later and talk more, my tummy is kind of grumbling and I think maybe Shanna is getting impatient, she's been down twice already!!

Rachael :-)

Can I roll back over?

Good Morning,

Well there were some weird dreams on the agenda last night, or at least that's the lasting impression I got from them. I do vaguely remember a troop of girl scouts running around wearing their vests -green ones, but two or three of them were blue. Crazy huh?! They were going on about pins or wings or something, and then I woke up. Each dream is supposed to have some sort of subconscious meaning behind it. I wonder what that one would be?!

Aside from that I slept okay. Woke a few times but was awake until after midnight which was enough to carry me through until this morning. For a change I'm not writing from the basement, poor Roy is gonna be lonely down there this morning! I'm usually down there at about this time. I'm still sitting in my room. I have a bit of a headache so I'm going to take some paracetamol. Just to see if that helps. I don't much like to really.

No snow this morning, although it's only supposed to sit on about 3 today. I know if 6 is 44 and 0 is 32 then somewhere between there is what three is! Sorry that's not much help is it?! Shanna came to talk for a little while again last night, then Louise wanted to come in too, but when she saw Shanna she said she'd come back. My guess is one of two things. One, it had something to do with Shanna, or two, she's still feeling homesick and decided that since I was an Aussie, I'd be able to help.

There is talk about going bowling at some stage this week -perhaps the WalkAbout is in danger!! Yay! Sorry, not a fan of the WalkAbout and definitely not so on a weekly basis! Hmm, I still haven't been to see Memoirs of a Geisha. I really should try and do that. I would like to see it at some stage. I guess there is still a handful of people who haven't seen it. Eri will wake this morning no longer being a House Assistant. How unusual that must feel for her. She's going to Scotland tomorrow but will return.

Aside from that I don't know what else to tell you, there's only so much that can happen in the space of about eight hours! Mind you I probably dribble on enough in my bedtime e-mail even if I did only e-mail your four or five hours earlier after dinner!

Ruth sent me a message last night, she's not mad at me nor did she take what I said about hanging up to heart. I guess that's a good thing right? Apparently she's signed up for a course about starting your own business which might do her the world of good. Maybe a slightly different focus to have aside from childcare.

Well for now I have to finish getting dressed and ready for yet another day in the Office. Doreen is back today, actually most Snr staff are. The only ones not working are Breanne and Cook Maria. Otherwise it's all hands on deck for a quiet day in house. Janet's birthday is next, on the 3rd, and we get real proper chocolate cake, none of this detox stuff! About a week to go and they are done! Yay!

Rachael :-)

Idle chatter one hopes

Good Evening ,

Well I am not sure what I am going to write to you! I just wanted to write really. See I've got the laptop and I was doing some of the training stuff we have to do and I now decide that I want a break and I wanted to see if you had written and well, I guess I don't really need an excuse to write you, huh?

I have the new series of CSI on in the background but I sort of don't feel like I am in the mood for it. Stupid really since CSI was one of two shows I made sure I was home to see back in Oz. Funny how priorities change over time. I used to make sure that every Tuesday and Wednesday night I was home at 8:30 just to see CSI and Blue Healers. Silly really, but it was my two hours a week for me where I could get in my PJs and crawl under the covers and be left alone. I'd usually eat corn chips while I was at it, just plain ones with no dip. Mmm what I wouldn't give for some good corn chips.

I'm trying to decide when I should start reading Bleak House. I mean I had a flip through it and have a feeling it will be like The Story of Mirth, one of those books I have to read when it' quiet so I can concentrate fully on it. Most of the time I can read with noise around, yet sometimes I find books on the challenging side (older language mainly) and it takes just that little bit more brain power to get through. So we'll see.

There's a book I found in the programme office that lists all the free stuff in London to do. So I am going to start taking and good serious look at that to see what I can find to do. I want to save but I don't want to be stuck in the house as well. Maybe while its cold out that seems desirable but I also want to go out too. Anyhows, this book is great, it doesn't stop at gardens and museums, it goes right through suburbs and even places you can randomly volunteer at. Which is good. I'll let you know what I find.

For now I'll leave you to it, whatever it is you may be doing, hopefully smiling and not having too much of a bad day!!

Rachael :-)

Howdy

Hi!

You're not mad at me are you? I hope you didn't take the whole threat to hang up the other day to heart. I didn't mean it. Well I probably did because I was tired and not at full patience levels. But seriously, you know I am always here for you and I know it's hard for you to talk sometimes. Don't take it to heart, okay?

Pax is Pax. Eri cooked Japanese tonight and today was her last day as a House Assistant. Other than that, nothing overly fantastic is happening.

Take care okay?

Rachael :-)

Good Night

It's me again.

The evening has been pretty uneventful, aside from dinner coming back to visit me and it's still lingering in my mouth. Bad taste. After my last e-mail to you I came back upstairs to come face to face with Janet who openly declared she was worried about the amount of time I'd been spending in my room and the fact that I haven't had a meal with the staff since Friday lunchtime. I pointed out that dinner was on the run Friday night and I've been off for three days and didn't much feel the greatest desire to eat with everyone else, not to mention the fact I wasn't much into eating at all. Let me reassure you, I did eat food. But I was happy to be by myself as well.

I think I finally got through to Ruth. Haven't heard a word from her since I threatened to hang up the phone. Maybe she took it the wrong way. Do you think I should apologise? Because you know my aim wasn't to make her feel bad or anything.

So it's back to work tomorrow, we'll see how the day goes. Only two days in the office, then two days at an access course and then one day in the office and then I am off. Mind you, I then work six, then three off and only four on. Not a bad deal really. The first of my benchmark dates are coming. Ruth whom I met a couple of years back is bringing her brownies down for Thinking Day weekend.

Alas that is it,

Good Night,

Rachael :-)

Cold Afternoon

Good Afternoon,

I am very tired now. I did my little walk up the hill to Boots and the Post Office and now I am ready for bed again. Which is okay, I have actually been awake since I woke this morning, but I've sort of shifted from my bed, to my desk, back to bed and then out. So now I will go and nap. I'm not straining myself. I thought I was doing great considering how much I've slept the past few days.

So the lady at Boots has loaded me up with drugs. Well vitamins at the very least. Plus a box of paracetamol. So I have a red bottle, a blue bottle and a green bottle. One day I take one pill from the blue bottle, the next day I take one from the green and one from the red. I alternate days. The green and the red are for 30 days, the blue for 60. So we'll see how it goes. But I can't take one blue and one red because it'll be too much vitamin B for my body and it might make me sick. Which is why I alternate days or something like that.

I've just been told there will be a movie night in the Rose Room starting at about 9pm. I said if I was awake, I'd join them. I suppose walking to the Rose Room and back isn't too bad and if I go have that nap I should be fine. I don't want to sleep too much because I don't want to alter my sleep patterns too much. I found the past two nights I've been awake at weird hours and I can't do that while I am working.

Well I am going to get some tea and go back up to bed. I had a random thought that a little of what I felt like just before I got diagnosed with my sugar intolerance is a little of what I am feeling now. Maybe I haven't been as stringent as I need to be. I mean in the beginning I was very careful with what I ate. Stuck to water and a small amount of dairy. No white bread. Brown bread. In some regards it was almost like a detox. While I make a conscious effort to not eat too much 'sugar', perhaps I've been a bit lax when it comes to normal food, like dairy and bread. So I'm going to stop white bread and cut back on dairy and see if that helps. Because when I think about it, I eat far more of that here than I did at home because I'm not a fan of the rest of the food. Maybe over time it's become too much. We'll see. Or maybe I just am tired and not getting enough vitamins. Who knows.

Anyhows, enough about me, I hope you are well and enjoying the day so far.

Rachael :-)

No Sunshine this morning . . .

So I am finally awake!

It's five to ten and I'm finally up and about. Mind you, I've just gone into the kitchen to take some mugs in and Maria gave me a container of some kind of vitamins and was going on about diabetes. I might just read the label a bit more before I take them. I'm not a fan of taking pills that someone has just handed over. Eri was just looking at Maria in bewilderment. Erin just laughed. Mamma mia...

You know, I had a dream about being chased by a snake last night. It was weird. I was out and then somehow I made my way to the beach front in amongst the bush and was going from house to house and then I came across a school which had a great view over the cliffs and the ocean, and then I saw a house that looked really interesting so I went down to have a look. Looked around the house, found the far wall was made entirely of glass and had some of the most amazing views I've seen. But then I spotted this python thing, like a huge one, big and fat. So I decide to leave and it was following me so I was moving quicker and in the end it caught up and got me...but I don't know what happened after that because for some reason my alarm clock went off. Don't know why...weird.

This morning I am going to go to Boots. Maybe I'll wait until this afternoon. No big plans for today as you can see!! Sally is back at the reception desk which is a good thing, I think. No Janet which is a worry because she was rostered on today. Perhaps she's starting late?

Right, Good Morning!!! I am off to start the day, or at least start something!! Then maybe take another nap. Who knows.

As always,
Rachael :-)

A Night E-mail

Hey Hey,

Although I only spoke to you on the phone about two hours ago, it seems such a long way away!!

Not long after I got off the phone there was a knock at my door and Shanna comes in with some Sunday Comics that Phillip had sent her. She's gotten into the habit of bringing them up so I can read them which is kinda nice. Anyhows, she left like ten minutes ago! She was in there for like an hour talking to me. I am slowing coming to understand that she and I are quite similar. We have similar beliefs and our work ethics are very much on a par. She was sort of venting a bit too i think. She's not happy with the HA group we have. She was telling me who worked and who didn't and which personalities were stronger than other. I felt like I was sitting there listening to myself talk because everything she brought up was an exact thought that I had.

She went so far as to say she's not keen on the idea of the WalkAbout every Saturday night and wants to try get the HAs to give something else a go. In fact she even said something that I have said to you -that this group are asking for trouble and are likely to end up getting into trouble. Which was kind of interesting. Like I said, it was like listening to me talk which sort of surprised me. Perhaps the Good Little Christian Girl might become a good ally. Which I need. We'll see.

I'm glad I wasn't too much of a distraction from school work. And you let me know when you have exams and stuff coming because I know they are a busy time and stressful and yeah. . . to a degree it's not so bad through e-mail because you can only check it as often as you can.

This is my problem sleeping during the day, I'm now a lot more wide awake at 11pm than I should be. Usually by now I'm happy to be curled up in bed, having written in my journal, feeling a little dozy and reading a book. Then I can reach across and turn the light out when I feel the need to. But I'm a little wired, more than I should be.

Ohh my mum was saying she was going to post my disks this coming Wednesday so it should take about a week for them to get here. At least I know they are on their way. And the thing about my brother and my journals, I would actually be more inclined to tell my brother about something than I would my mum. We have a good bond as far as siblings go. I hold his secrets, he holds mine. And he's the one person I can count on that if I make it clear no one is to know, he'll take it to his grave. I always told him his 21st birthday gift from me would be a trip to anywhere in the world he wanted. For a time he wanted to go to LA, then it shifted to Canada, then it was the Pyramids. It changes like the weather. But he knows that's his thing, so every now and again he'll mention where we're going. Its kind mushy I know, but that's my bro, and I want him to see how much more there is to 'the world' than Melbourne or rural Tasmania.

Anyhows, I am going to make the journey back upstairs, maybe stop and get some horlics on my way up. For now, good night and good morning.

As always,
Rachael :-).