Hey There

Heya,

As mere humans we are just creature sof habit...plus I remember when I was going to Canberra and we were SMSing and you told me you'd just stopped for Maccers...it's really not a good habit.

Did I tell you I've stopped smoking. In an hour it'll be a week exactly that I had my last. And I'm doing good!

I'm sorry the message went through at 4;30am. We had huge network problems here so I was getting messages from home about four hours after they were sent and then I'd have them come through every hour after that. So I'd get the same message like five times. If it makes you feel any better, my phone was going all night too.

Yes. The events of Thursday Morning will be forever burned in my brain. Suddenly, terrorism became a very real thing. It suddenly wasn't happening on the other side of the world to me. I was here and close to it. Walking distance in fact. Indeed that combined with my homesickness provided for a very dark time. I was a complete and utter mess. I had held up a positive mask for the guests, but late that night when I was in the privacy of my own room, I cried for hours on end. The distance to home seemed so much further. I wanted out. I am dead serious. If it hadn't of been for the fact it was the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake people in the corridor by making frantic phone calls, I would have called my travel agent and changed my flight. I am dead serious. I was terrified. I was scared. I was lonely. I wanted home. Consequently between my own troubling mind, the numerous calls and SMS I got throughout the night, it was gone 3:30am before the thought of sleep entered my mind. I was woken again at 4;45by a phone call from my cardiologist who actually wasn't aware I was in London as I hadn't had the chance to see him before I left, and that was another seven minutes of conversation I had to endure. I
think after that I dozed off again, but was woken at 6am by some very rowdy guests. After that I gave up on sleep. Friday I didn't eat, infact I ate very little on Thursday too. I crawled into myself. I didn't talk to anyone. I was causing quite a lot of concern, but wasn't aware of it. It's not been until late this afternoon (it's Saturday night) when I finally shook myself out of this. I kind of lectured myself, asking myself why I initially did this, what I wanted to achieve while I was here and what I wanted to achieve when I go back. And somehow I re-focused and here I am.

I knew the emotions would be tough, but not so intense so early on. Mind you, I hadn't anticipated a terrorist attack either. Well it had crossed my mind, but it was always that 'it'll never happen to me' kind of mindset.

That said, I am okay. I'm about to go to bed. I have to start at 7am tomorrow morning and am working till 9pm. I get a break during the day so that's okay. It'll be a long one. So happy birthday to me, ay?! I should at least be allowed to sleep in, right?!

Hope you are well and I look forward to hearing from you. And for future reference, if you have to have Maccers, can you at least try the healthy stuff, as abnormal as that seems?!!! I mean come on, you go to Maccers to have bad food, healthy food has no right to be there! What am I saying, I'm supposed to be convincing you healthy is good! it is, it is!! He he he.

I tell you what, my last e-mail I said I really needed a laugh...multiply that by about 1000 and you've got where I'm at!! No, I am better than I have been. It's been bumpy, but at the end of the day, life goes on.

Take care my friend, and look after yourself. Not long now!!

Much love,
Rachael