Night Night

Good Evening,

So the night is just about over! Phew and I've achieved a lot! Did my washing and dried it. Packed my bag, charged everything up and pulled my passport out. Checked tickets and departure times. Did Maria's book, gave a quick clean over my room, ran to budgens to grab a few things and well, that's all over red rover! I won't write in my journal because I am tired and I can do it tomorrow while I am at the airport. I've giving it an hour and a half to get to Standstead because of traffic. Or at least that's my reasoning. I even had time to sit down with Shanna for half an hour and eat a chocolate muffin! Good Job!!

So how are you? Hopefully not too tired, please try to get some sleep and make sure you eat good too. Don't get too run down.

Today we had four conference bookings rotate through the building, it was a mad house. Plus I had a heap of anniversary stuff to sort out (including a mail drop to all the houses around the place) and well, the day went really quick. Got paid in advance which was even better.

This afternoon the road was filled with paparazzi. Yep, George Michael was next door. They'd followed him from his house. You'd think the guy would lay low for a while when you consider recent events! But that was our excitement. When I came back from Budgens at 9:30 this evening there were still a whole lot of them out there. Maybe I should do that, get paid good money for taking photos. You ought to have seen some of the camera's these guys had!

While I was out dropping stuff in mail boxes, it started to snow a little. Okay not very much at all but it was flakes. Ruth was telling me that there is snow in Ireland. I told her to hold onto it until I arrive. Yet somehow I hope it doesn't snow.

The next few days are gonna be tough. I know.

Well for tonight I should be off. I have to get up a bit earlier tomorrow and I am tired as it is.

Take care and look after yourself.
Rachael :-)

My Hand is Having an Old Day

Good Evening,

I could have emailed you a dozen times today but I couldn't. I would have, but I couldn't.

One more day to go and then I am off to Ireland. The pay cheque got done early because I requested to be paid before I left which means I have a little money to play with at least. I also have a letter, just in case. Actually I need to go pull my passport out and think about what clothes I am taking with me. I'll have to do some washing tomorrow night so that my uniform is good to go when I come back. I realised the last time anyone went to Ireland, it was you and I came to Finchley to walk you back. I am a bit sad that no one here will do the same. Oh wells.

I have to do Maria Plaza's book tonight. Heather, Breanne and I are taking her up the hill for one last crepe. See, Breanne and I aren't here for her last few days and Breanne is doing Nights the next two nights. And I'm gone. So this is our last chance. We're taking Dixon with us because Doreen is on nights with Rachel.

I put my application in for the seminar. I kind of want it, but don't think I'll get it. I nearly didn't put the application in because I really want one of the HAs to go. I mean, I know it's not a seminar, but I've been here during sessions and been a part of sessions so I've had the chance to really understand how much of an international place this is. They won't get that chance because they're all gone before the summer starts (thank god). Well I really want Tricia to get it because I think of all of them, she deserves it most and will probably gain the most from it.

You know I thought of you at flag this morning when Doreen told us to not work hard...he he he, I went awwww, I had this conversation with Erin last night!!

Anyways, I want to go and finish some letters and the list of songs for a CD and be around when they go for crepes and to do Maria's book. Plus I have three days of journal writing to catch up on. And East Enders to watch at 8pm. it's sad, its such an over dramatic soap show but it sucked me right in!!

Later,

Me

Reaching Out

Hello!

What did your dad do this time?

Your programme assistant application arrived in the post today. Sally opened it and was like "hey did you know about this?" and I played innocent and went "about what?". And she said "about Erin applying for programme assistant" so I turned around and went "she never?". Played like I didn't know. I certainly haven't mentioned it to Heather. I figured the less I have to say about it the better. I don't want to get in the way.

Today was pretty crazy. Day one of the Round Table conference with people from right across Europe here. It's been a very long one and dinner didn't start until 6:30 and even now it's just gone 7:40 and I've just left the dining room. I have to admit, I like these people. They are very friendly and are just the kind of guests you want here all the time. There is this one woman and she has the most amazing eyes. Like, I can't even begin to describe the colour of them, kind of like blue but clear and they are simply amazing. I've only seen one other person with those coloured eyes and that was going to work on the tram at home a couple of times. They are like something you'd see in a fantasy movie or something. Incredible. But anyways, I like these people they're great and are great to have a laugh with.

Tonight is Saturday night -Walk About night. Ha, you should hear them all going on about who they are going to pick up this week. Xenia even was telling us about this drink one of the guys gave her and like three of us yelled at her and said she was stupid drinking anything that anyone gave her. Needless to say I'm having a night in. I want to measure up my room and be ready for my little meeting with Doreen tomorrow and be prepared for anything she might throw at me. Which ever that might be. I'll have to go over notes from the last one.

So this e-mail finds you in the Greekest of moments!! He he he sorry lame pun I know. Perhaps I should call your mum and tell her to go get you and rescue you from all that. Nah, I am sure it won't be all that bad, it might even be a great deal of fun. You never know Erin. Gosh Erin could be suddenly swept into the world of frats and sororities and that'll be the end of her! No! Don't turn her into a alcohol guzzling, pot smoking, blow jobbing person! Hmm, okay the last line really wasn't all that appropriate. I just think of all those dumb blonde's in those stupid teenage movies. I suppose that they're not all like that in the real world.

Right, I'm going to go and sort myself out. Do something constructive at least.

Me

Another Day, Another E-mail

I think it's morning out there. Regardless,

Good Morning!

Blood shot eyes this morning, what is up with that?! I finally got up to my room at 11:24pm last night. My last check in arrived at 11:06pm which was great. I was upstairs like a shot and in bed by midnight with the light out! I watched TV for a bit while I wrote in my journal, it was the movie Twins. Have you ever seen it? It has Danny De Vito and Arnie the Terminator dude in it (hey that was easier than spelling his surname!). Yet like I said, out by midnight. Well shortly after. The light was out then. Became paranoid that someone would want to come in during the night, most of the people don't have a great grasp of English coming from an Aussie...

When ever I hear the term talent show I always think of bad singers. Even if there isn't actually anyone singing. Bad singers. Oh dear. Because you know its like Idol and all those dumb shows, some people just don't get and can't understand that they don't have talent! What is up with that? I mean I can't sing and I'm first to admit that! There is no way in the world I'd get up and sing because somehow I believed I could! But then that could be stage fright too!

I hope Doreen rips into them too!

Right, I did read your application! I liked it. It has a nice flow to it. Actually I was asking Heather yesterday (we were talking about Ruth) and she said she was pretty sure that the Programme Assistant position was like a HA position, you can only do it once. She's like, but that's not to stop Ruth applying for anything else here at Pax. I laughed, there you go, we have the next Centre Manager in the making! Go Ruth!

I don't remember my dreams last night. I'm waking up too suddenly and too groggy to keep them in my head.

As always,
Rachael

Friday Night is Fish Night -Yuck!

Good Evening.

Well a what a night on nights it will be!! Thirteen people still to check in, seven of which are arriving between 9pm and midnight! I tell you, eight months of quiet Night Duties and the last two have been crazy. Not that I am complaining, I think I've had it good all things considered. Have decided to stay down in reception until 10pm ish, that way I don't have to run up and down stairs a million times as most should have arrived by ten. There are three more to arrive after that.

What a day at Pax Lodge it has been. Only two house assistants working. Three were rostered on, one was knocked out cold! See apparently after the carnival they had last night, they had a bit of a party in Louise's room. Well lots of mixing drinks and Louise got plastered. Like seriously so. Spend all night puking and had to get up for K1 duty. She got through breakfast and was back in bed by 10am. Out cold she was and slept most of the day. During staff breakfast she was in the kitchen and ended up puking in Oscar. We were later told she'd done it during guest breakfast too. We've got an important committee here at the moment. We're dreading the evaluation forms. She was still drunk during breakfast, all giggles at flag. It was terrible. Rachel was a bit ewww too, but has managed to stay active for the day.

As for me I did House duty today. Well from 11:30am until 3pm at which point I then went up the hill to do bank and post. It felt like being a House Assistant again. I have to be honest with you, these girls were told that all the guests we have this weekend are pretty important and from all around the world. I went into some of those rooms today and am ashamed to call them House Assistants. The rooms were not that great. Anyohws, I fixed them all and checked them all. I'll do the same for the last five or six arriving tomorrow.

Janet left at 8:30 this morning and we got a SMS from her saying her flight had been delayed. That was just after 12 noon. We assume she got there okay. Maybe she's still on the plane? No, she'd be off by now.

Did I tell you last night that Ruth called and that who ever put the call through thought it was Monique? Well see while I was out at dinner, Monique did call to speak to me! But I wasn't in and when Ruth called apparently she sounded like Monique. But I can't quite figure that out. The person on K2 never knew Monique....oh wells.

Only four more days and I am off to Ireland. I am rather excited to tell you the truth. A little worried, but excited too. Plus I get to go hang out with some brownies so that'll be fun.

From here I am going upstairs to watch the idiot box for an hour, come back downstairs and lock up. I'm going to bring my book down so I'll read while I am waiting for my check in people. Plus I'll write you again since I can't do it at some unholy hour during the night because the basement is off limits. Perhaps I could e-mail just before 10pm.

Doreen is back on deck tomorrow. I wonder how she'll take the business with Louise being drunk during work time. Good grief.

Well for now I am off, should go and sort this office out before K2 arrives to relieve me. Then I'll be back. Yay!

Rachael :-)

Yawns Keep Creeping Up

Good Evening!

You know I actually came down to the basement an hour and ten minutes ago. I was going to e-mail you early then go upstairs and read for an hour or so before curling up for an early night to be ready for tomorrow's start back at work. I came down here, turned the computer on and Kristina comes down and tells me I have a phone call from Monique. When I pick up the phone its actually Ruth! So an hour later I ended the calling telling her I wanted to check e-mails and that was that.

She's doing as well as normal I guess you could say. Freaked out by seeing a kid she used to teach at the school she got dismissed from or whatever. Then had another run in with the Ladybird leader after brownies. Ruth in true form was shaken up by things I don't quite understand. Either way, I think I sorted it. Plus she's decided I get to meet Anne-Marie. You wait for me to stir that one round the pot a little more. This could be fun. I just like to wind her up, she knows it which is why she bites so much I think.

Dinner was good. We ate at the Turkish place down the bottom of Pond Street called Zara and I had lamb. It was really good. Fresh salad and yummy Turkish bread. Conversation was a little strained but then it has been like that most of the day. A combination of me not really wanting to talk and just really not having a lot in common with Breanne. Actually on several occasions I found myself wishing you were there, especially as we went around Madame Tussuad's. Yes because I miss you, but because we always had such great fun while we were out, you know?

The HAs are currently having a Carnival night in the conference room. From what I understand they didn't invite anyone from senior staff. Or volunteers for that matter! Not that I much expected them to really. I'll be glad when the bulk of this group is gone. Gosh that sounds so harsh.

Wow the underground set, makes me think of the one in We Will Rock You. I loved that scene. But please, do send me photos. I am very curious.

Now just so I get this right. When you say Greeks (in regards to your long day on Saturday) you mean that in the whole Greek symbol meaning right, as in frats and things. I mean you don't literally have like 100s of Greek people (ethnicity) running around, do you? I think you should smash some plates, just to get into the spirit of things. That is Greek, right? Maybe I'm just confused. Good Grief.

I am on nights tomorrow night. By the sounds of it, it's going to be another fun one. Lots of check in's apparently. Most after 9pm. Oh joy for me. Doesn't matter, only five days and I'm leaving the country. Mind you I'd like it to be another country I'm going to but beggars can't be choosers, right?!

That's me done for another day. Pay day tomorrow. And chair day. I should get a wriggle on and write a list of things I need to do tomorrow. I've got a whole heap of Anniversary stuff to do. Give me strength.

As Always,

Me

Good Morning

Good Morning,

Well I slept kind of oddly last night. But you made an appearance in my dream! And for the life of me I could remember it when I woke up, but now its gone from my mind. You were there though and that's what counts. The other thing is I woke up this morning and it was snowing. Not great snow, it's melting as soon as it touches the ground which kind of sucks and is only very small falling snow. But something, right?!

No mum wasn't an alcoholic! Sorry I think phrased that wrong. Because my mum and my step father met when I was like 2 years old, I pretty much grew up with his family being my family. Wayne is my brothers day. Wayne's dad David was an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. He lived in a bungalow out the back of Donna's house (Wayne's mum) and you could smell the place a mile away. He used to reek of beer all the time. I think that's why I had a strong dislike to the smell of beer, indeed any alcohol for a while there. He'd yells things and shout and always make my brother cry. I hated it. He died a couple of years back and it took close to three months to get rid of the smell from where he lived. It truly was horrible. So it wasn't my mum who was the alcoholic. But I still grew up around him and it wasn't nice.

There is nothing specific which I can pinpoint being unhappy right now, if anything its a combination of many things. Yes, money is one of them because I didn't think I'd get my phone bill paid which means I'd lose my mobile number and my contract would be void and all sorts of things. However they hadn't been updating my bill payments on the website, they've done that now and I am ahead. And my phone is back in action. Still I have my car insurance and it's registration in June. Some time away still, but still a worry. I'll learn to deal with that. There's plenty of time to save Aussie dollars till then. I just freak out easy.

We have gone back to having little daylight which isn't helping. And sort of miserable weather. The sun seems to be out while I am working and on my days off it vanishes from sight. I just think Pax in general has me down because it's nothing like it used to be.Plus I am going to be in the gap all by myself for about an extra month now that Maria is leaving at the start of March.

I've also had my mum giving me her woes too. She wants my car left at her house but it costs too much to leave it there. Plus I don't feel safe with it being there! Not a very desirable area! Especially when it comes to car theft.

I have decided come end of August I'm going to go regardless. Perhaps part of September, we'll see. I do know I don't want to stay until the end of October, it's too far away.

I think its cute that your mum gives you Rachael hugs for me. Aww. Its okay, I go and get Janet hugs. Those are good too. Janet gives hugs like my grandmother used to. Special hugs, you know?

Well Breanne and I are going to Madame Tussuad's today so I suppose I should go and shower and get myself ready to go. Who knows what time we are leaving. But it should be good regardless. At least I'll get out. Not sure how I am going to converse with Breanne all day by myself but I'll deal with it.

I am doing okay. I know it's going to take time. But I'm aware of how bad I'm feeling and ready to do something about it.

I should go.

Rachael

Its Time

Good Evening,

Yes this finds me once again in the library typing away to you in the silence of a room full of words and stories. You'd think that would enlighten me to say a lot! Or at least something far more intelligent than usual. But perhaps not. There's not much happening at the moment. Was watching American Pie 2 and well, I'm not really a fan of those horrid supposed teenage comedies so I turned the TV off and decided to come and talk to you.

I want to clarify my last e-mail, I probably caused a lot more worry than I should have. I haven't been drinking every night, lets just clear that up. What I meant was that there have been three weeks now where one night every set of days off that I've been drinking and in not large amounts but more than I usually would. Last night Shanna and I went to budgens to get the stuff to make our own snakebites. We got an extra strong lager and the last of the four drinks each we had, we sculled and as a result of that, part way through the e-mail I was writing you, I had to go throw up. I've never done that in my life and am highly horrified at the thought.

It reminds me of the time I sat in the back garden of my old house and smoked half a pack of cigarettes and drank a bottle of wine all by myself while looking at the stars. That was the day I found out I was coming here but couldn't be happy just yet because I still feared at that point I may have been pregnant. I don't make a habit of drinking. I really don't like it. You know that. I grew up around an alcoholic, you'd think that experience alone would be enough to scare me!

What I am trying to get at it right now I am trying to figure out just where I want to go from here. Perhaps not so much in working it out, because in my mind I know what that is. I haven't been sleeping and it's getting to that time of the month and for the first time in a long time I am really sick of being here, I am sick of the same old thing. I'm tired of having woes at home about money. I'm tired of a lot of things. So in essence, it's been a bad few days.

I know this is really hard. And I know I was having a bad day. And I know there will be many more. These next few months will be challenging. But I am ready to face those challenges front on. Soon, summer will arrive and it'll be great. I sat myself down this evening after the Thinking Day Service and realised that a lot has to change if I'm going to make it. Change of routine. Changing my diet is way up there, the amount of sugar I am consuming isn't helping my moods because it makes me feel so horrid that everything else feels worse too!! I've got to get back into the walking every day like I did in the summer.

My aim isn't to worry you. I just want to let you know what has been going on that's all. I too am struggling. You want my honesty and here it is. Anyway, my point was that I'm taking a bit of a different approach to life here and the next few months will breeze by. I do promise to look after myself. I need to, I need to be good and happy and healthy. Besides, I've lots of planning to do and I suppose I should figure out how I'm sending stuff home and by which method because I won't need this stuff for the three months I'm in the states! Okay, maybe getting ahead of myself here I know.

Oh guess what?!! In Hamley's today, I found a mini Eton!! Like seriously, a third of his size but exactly the same markings! I found it so very funny. I was a bit disappointed about the Bear Factory though, they had horrid bears in there. On the ground floor they had puppets like squirrel and cadbury! They had a beaver and a turtle and a couple of others. Somehow it wasn't quite the same without you there tough. Went to the basement and the Lego statue of the fellow from Harry Potter was gone. That too was a little sad.

The Thinking Day Service this evening was a little weird. Very...well unorganised for one. But really off key too. Or maybe just really different to how we do our little ceremonies. Rachel got up and read a speech or a college essay or something. It was really weird. It went on about a guy and Bush and Muslims and The Holly War. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I really didn't think it had a place there. Xenia got up and sang a lullaby she used to sing to her niece every night. I mean it was actually quite beautiful and she can certainly sing, but I don't think that had a place in a Thinking Day Ceremony either. The five or six guests we had there must have thought we'd gone loopy or something. We took photos too. Actually there is a pretty good one of all the staff minus Doreen who is in Scotland at the moment.

The basement computer is out of action still and if Raj can't fix it tomorrow we may run into issues.

Right I've probably dribbled on enough for one e-mail! In all honesty I am feeling fine. I have a few sad moments but as of today, well tomorrow morning when it's implemented, I'm starting a new routine. It will do me the world of good. Mind you it's going to be cold out!

For now I say Good Night.
Rachael :-)

Hey Please Don't Panic!

Hello,

Now I don't want to worry you but wanted to let you know what was going on. I went and had a word to Janet earlier. Nothing in particular, she just sort of asked how I was and I said I wasn't handling things too well in general. I am a little concerned with the amount I have been drinking. To the point that I've done it several times now and it's almost like a binge session. Nothing very extreme compared to most, but enough for me to suddenly go 'wake up Rachael you don't do this' and know I'm not happy within myself.

In saying that, Janet is going to help me a long, remind me drinking isn't the answer (which I know) and making sure I am not too hard on myself. I've been worried about a few different things and combined together I probably haven't been handling them as well as I usually would.

But today is a new day. I woke up and knew I really have to stop and think and make a whole new start to being here. This is it. I am going to walk every day, and eventually run. Really watch what I'm eating (issues with sugar levels) and not drink. This is it, I am taking control!! I want to get out and do a bit more (as cheaply as possible!!) I am okay, please don't panic.

I hope classes went okay today, or are going okay today.

This afternoon I went to Hamley's with Shanna and we spent a lot of time playing with all the stuff. The Harry Potter Stairwell is now a Narnia one and I'll send some photos at some point. From there we decided to randomly get on a bus, got off near St. pauls and walked across the Millennium bridge, back to St. Paul's and got on the number 15 Route master Bus! Yay! Then caught another one to Hyde Park Corner! Two in one day plus photos! From there it was along Oxford Street to Euston and then on the bus back to Pax and here I am after dinner.

The basement computer has died. Gone to Micro bite heaven. So I am in the library. We have a Thinking Day Ceremony this evening, well in about ten minutes so I have to go change.

I'll come back later and talk more.

Please don't worry about me too much. Everything is under control. I'm suddenly not an alcoholic or anything.

Rachael :-)

Morning is Here

Good Morning!!

I didn't sleep very well last night. Ha you know what? When I eventually came up from the basement it was midnight and I ran into Heather and Dixon who were on their way out for a walk, so I went with them! It was kind of cold out. Actually the weather man is predicting snow tomorrow which is exciting, should it actaully happen that is!

My mum has borrowed my car, that scares me! Her driving scares me!

Its sunny today but there is a terrible wind outside. I've got to go up to Jessops later today, I found out late yesterday afternoon the Maria Plaza is leaving on the 4th of March, and I don't get back until very late that night. I'll have to say good bye before I go to Ireland. That came as a bit of a shock to the system. Its sad, she put so much effort into the 15th Anniversary and she's not even going to be here to see it.

Other than that, not too much has happened. Did a little thrashing around again last night in my sleep, everything that sits on my little table was on the floor. I don't know what that's about. At least I didn't break anything this time. I'm using the laptop in the conference room, doing the last of the training packages we need to do. I at least get a funky certificate out of it I guess.

I'm hoping to try get some more photos online today, yet I don't like my chances, I just have to be patient. I'll let you know how it goes.

Rachael

Story Time

Yes hello its me again.

I'm going to attempt to tell you stories from the life of Rachael. Just maybe because telling you stories might help. They might not but well I am at a loss as to what else I can do.

Okay. Let me think. Oh yeah, I should talk about Primary school stories, you like those. Or you at least laughed at the image of my on a rock pretending to be the Little Mermaid. I had a somewhat odd childhood and had to deal with my own company on many occasions. My imagination used to run away with me a lot!

I remember in the summer I used to get blisters on my hands the size of my palms (I can say this because they were actually on my palms...). See, I used to like monkey bars. Perhaps you don't know what they are, how do I describe them? Well you know you how a ladder looks, right? Well say you lay the ladder flat, but above your head so you can dangle from the runs and your feet don't touch the ground. Those are kind of what monkey bars look like. You'd swing form one or three or however, just like a monkey. Right, anyways, I used to love doing this. And yet every summer because of the heat of the sun, the metal bars would heat up and burn my hands which is how I ended up with blisters. They were bad. And yet I always went back for more. I remember this one kid from Jamaica used to tease me all the time. His name was Levi and he was like the school bully. He used to call me monkey girl and all sorts of things and it used to hurt my feelings.

Our teachers used to do what's called Yard Duty and during our recess and lunch breaks they'd kind of walk around the school grounds and make sure no one was having fights or anything. I was one of those kids who hung out with the teachers while they did yard duty!! It was so bad! But like, you could always tell which teachers were popular, because they'd have like a crowd of ten kids wandering around the yard with them, it was funny.

Then there was the time in grade five when we were practicing our item for camp. From Grade 3 up to grade six we'd go on a school camp once a year and every camp there would be a concert. This one particular year, my friend Natalie and I had been practicing this dance for weeks on end, we had got costumes and all sorts done. About three weeks before camp, we all had a camp meeting and were told that the concert had to be impersonation acts. We were devastated!! So in the end, we teamed up with Claire and Christina and put on a Keeping Up Appearances show!! We had two acts, the first one I played Richard (quite well I might add) and the second one I played I think it was a dance instructor whom Hyacinth taught to sing. Obviously because she was teaching me to sing, it turned out really bad! But I did it so well!! he he he. Between the acts we had a change of scene and in the first act we'd had a blanket on the floor. because it would take me the least amount of time to change, I was the one who changed the scene. So I pulled the blanket up and didn't realise I was standing on the other end! Well I went arse up didn't I!! in front of the entire population of Grade 5 and 6 plus teachers, one whom had a video camera playing!! I was so embarrassed. Good grief.

I remember when I was really young, grade one I think it was. We had a wedding and a death all in the same week. Out art teacher Mr Bourke who was old in his own right, died of a heart attack. I remember the entire school being at assembly one morning and they told us. Yet the day before, Mrs Slavich came to school in her wedding dress after being married a week or so long earlier. It was kind of cool.

There was also the time in grade six when the Port Arthur Massacre happened. Port Arthur is a historic sight down in the south of Tasmania, it's really really popular. One day during the end of the tourist season, this guy just sort of flipped and started shooting everyone. it was terrible. My Grandparents were supposed to have been down there at the time but for whatever reason it was, were unable to go. The morning that it happened, they would have been there, right in the middle of it all. I can remember coming to school the next day and seeing it all over the paper. It truly was horrible. Now the guy that did it is sitting in his prison room, living a more relaxed and pampered life than some innocent people do, earning degrees paid for by tax payer money. I hate that so much. Really get my goat.

There was another time we were practicing for camp concerts. Four of us (Me, Catherine, Christina and Dimitra) we decided to get up and sing a four part song. We ended up rehearsing Can You Feel The Love from The Lion King! It was great! Even had the whole Timon and Pumba conversations at the start and end. What a laugh!!

Aww man and I had some really bad fashion in those days too. Leggings with puffy socks and hiking boots. My socks would be the same colour as the woolen jumper. Oh gosh and I had a stripy pair of overalls I used to wear as well. Uniform wasn't compulsory in those days. We had the option to wear it of course and sometimes I did, but as I got older I chose not to. Then in grade six they made it compulsory, but we got away with it because it was pointless buying uniform for one year. I remember school photos that year. I had this really nice skirt and white shirt on. My hair had grown long enough again to hang below my shoulders. It's one of my favourite class photos from Primary school. The sun sort of catches my hair and I almost have a halo. Yeah, keep dreaming!!

Right, I think maybe if I go think some more I can come up with some better stories. What do you think? Wow this is like reliving my childhood again. He he he, not that I left it all that long ago!!

Hope you're okay and hopefully some of these made you laugh. Perhaps they might make you ask questions!!! Ha! And you know I don't mind if you do, not at all.

I'll see what else I can come up with.
Take care,

Rachael :-)

Okay a HUGE day!

Hey Kathy!!

The Abbey was AMAZING!! I cried lots, was very overwhelmed by it all. I think I'd need to sit down and let it really sink in. But I am so tired right now, it's been a really long day, close to 13 hours working. Ruth left not long ago to go sort out one of her girls, I shouldn't imagine she'll be back now, it's too late. Its wonderful to see her again! I was walking from the Tube Station to the Abbey and sort of started to well up because I couldn't believe I was actually there. Anynows, got myself under control, got into the grounds and I didn't realise Ruth was going to be there. She'd spotted my crossing the road, thus came over to me and it was such a surprise and so overwhelming that I just burst into tears!!

Point being was that it was amazing and the others laughed at me because I cried. For once in my life I don't care. I will write you better about it another time, but right now it's close to midnight and I am wiped. However I will attach a couple of photos. One is of me at Pax before we left, one is of the Abbey and the line out the front and the other is my view from my seat in the VIP area inside the Abbey (yes we were allowed the privilage of photos without flash, but as a result not all came out very well).

Catch you when I do!!
Rachael :-)

Number 2

Hey!!!.

I go away for a few moments and I have another e-mail from you!! Aww plus two photos!! I am assuming that since you're naming them individually you'd be saving them somewhere right? And then sending them to me? Not that it matters but if you are saving them anywhere, you are better saving them as a JPEG format. At the moment they are bmp which is fine, but it makes the file size large and download time longer. When you save the photos you should be able to change the format to JPEG, have a fiddle around with it.

Um, okay, I was in the middle of an e-mail before I had to dash out for the loo and a few other things and I wouldn't have the slightest idea what it was I was planning on saying. Oh wait, remembering the first time I met you. Like I said, I don't remember but don't take that personally because I don't remember meeting anyone else. I don't remember meeting Breanne, I just know she came to the George with us. I don't even remember going in to my room or how I got rid of my bag. I remember seeing Marie at the airport and a flash of the three of us sitting at the George, a few other random things and that's it. That's a little scary.

This letter you are writing Ruth, is it paper or electronic? Not that it matters. I don't care what you write really. It's okay that you wrote what you did. I don't have a problem with it so don't worry about it. I trust you Erin and I'll be okay with anything you say. In most regards at least!!

I've attached a couple of photos from today. Well two. One is the line outside the Abbey, the other is the VIP section of the service where we sat. The photo is taken from my seat. Most of the photos are blurred because I was taking them without the flash. Grr. Oh wells, I got a couple of descent ones I guess. I have a nice one of me out the front of Pax before we left too. Perhaps I should put that one on as well. One sec. Okay done. It should attach too. Fingers crossed.

I am sure there were other things I was going to talk about but the brain is a little dead at the moment and I probably wouldn't make too much sense.

Rachael :-)

Part 1 e-mail

Good Evening!!

Well I survived the day!! Only just! I am pretty tired but so tired I can't sleep, if that at all makes sense. Not only that, Ruth keeps ducking in and out to sort things out with her girls so I went down and got the laptop so I could write you from up here should she come back. No bathrobe this time though, sorry. I can't even do that in the morning, I have to return the laptop where I got it because no one actually knows I have it right now. Oh wells.

So the Westminster Abbey Service. Its huge. It's like 'the' thing to go to for Thinking Day. The Abbey alone has 1000 people there and there are always thousands more who miss out. Internationally you have to apply months in advance to get the tickets or at least be considered for tickets. Its like a once in a lifetime thing. Its huge. The fact I got to go was purely amazing and almost life changing. Okay perhaps not that dramatic, but it will be one of the greatest things I'll do in life. Seriously, that's how big it is. Understandably, I was probably emotional to begin with, but I cried several times!!

The first was before we even got in there. Coming out of the tube station I started to well up and told myself to stop being stupid. We got into the grounds of the Abbey and Ruth was there, only I didn't know she was going to be there and she came up to me and I like hugged her and that was it, I just burst into tears. Just like that, it was just all a bit too much for the emotions to take!

So sorted myself out. The line was huge, massively long, like hundreds of people and the ones at the start of the line would have been queing for like, 2 hours easy. We had VIP tickets so we just walked straight in. We ended up being seated in the VIP section which was the chior stalls right in front of the main area, it was incredible. As we were walking in, again it was all too overwhelming and I started to well up again! I did three times during the service, the most at the part where they lay the wreaths down on thememorial as everyone in the Abbey is holding hands and the Circle of Life if playing. Yeah, everyone laughed at me and you know what. I don't care. Doing this and being a part of this was such a huge thing for me. Screw them.

From there it was right back on the tube and back to Pax for a crazy afternoon. Only about 150 people came through the doors and by the sounds of it we aren't expecting a lot tomorrow. But this arvo was okay, worked straight from 1pm till 8pm and then all the senior staff plus Maria, Shanna and I sat in the dining room and talked and laughed and ate chocolate. Then I got up to leave to go hang out with Ruth and her girls and I walked into the door. It hurt a bit. My body is kind of tired right now. It has been a really long day. Everyone is wiped out yet all the HAs minus Tricia who is sleeping and Shanna have gone to the Walk About.

Doreen and Maria Mararo were having an argument this morning. In the Dining room and kitchen, Doreen didn't even take her into the office, they just yelled at each other there and then. Doreen is like under major stress at the moment, it's weird. All the senior staff are up tight about stuff, who knows what it is. It's not like I am ever going to know! Its just really weird here at the moment. Doreen was telling Heather to stop touching her! That was kinda funny.

But moving on. I can't think of much else to say about today but then I've probably put most of it to rest and will let it sink in another time or I'll randomly remember things.

I don't remember much of my first night here, only that it was fish night and Marie and Breanne took me to the George. You know I can't remember much about you or meeting you for the first time. I don't remember meeting anyone for the first time.

Hey I'll be back in a minute!!

Rachael

I'm So Excited!!

Aww Kathy!!!!

This is like the hugest day of the year, not to mention one of the hugest days of my life!! It's Thinking Day Weekend at Pax Lodge (Yay Ruth comes tonight!! Oh and Mandy Fitz's sister too...) but this morning is the Thinking Day Service split between two venues and guess what? I am going to Westminster Abbey!!! Oh my gosh!! You ought to see me, uniform is all spiffy and my hair is straightened and my hat is brushed, I am really really excited! This is huge!

Ahem. Okay. I better go. We leave in an hour and a half....

Yay!

Rachael :-)

Oh Dear

Evening.

You know I just sat here and read you e-mails and then I sat here and had a cry! Goodness can you imagine if someone came downstairs and saw me? How would I explain it?

Yes I like your mum's gift! I had it on not long ago while I was working away on some stuff. Added a bit to your letter and have everything under control for tomorrow. Oh accept my hat, I have to give that a brush. Damn. Must remember to do that. Point being I just had it on and I really do love it! You wait, it'll be the centre piece in my lounge room when I go home, I'll be so proud of it! Like I said, I think everyone here has seen it now.

Aww I have more candy coming, you treat me so well :-)

I don't know what brought on the nervous/foreboding feelings. I still have them a little but not as much. I believe enough to know that it's not here so I can only assume its something coming from the southern hemisphere. That worries me because my phone still isn't connected. But hey, I guess if its urgent enough they can contact me at Pax Lodge.

The staff meeting. We talked about three things. World Thinking Day (ie this weekend), The 15th Anniversary and the Pax Lodge Team Meeting which is an annual thing involving the Bureau and the Pax Lodge Team (obviously). It would seem that a lot of what's happening this weekend has been left until the last minute. I mean the HAs are still upstairs trying to get their acts together in regards to what it is they are doing. Doreen isn't impressed.

It was while we were talking about the 15th Anniversary that you came up. The topic was things we were going to do and one thing that was mentioned was either vastly improving our puppets show or creating a new one. Saying how we need a good puppeteer and Doreen was like 'Oh well we could always fly Erin Gow back over' and trust me, it took all my will power not to jump up and plead with her to do exactly that! Though Sally saw the smile that crept over my face. She just giggled to herself. See, people here do remember you and your puppeteering! Shame they won't fly you back for it though! We also talked about the vast communication problem in regards to a lot of the anniversary stuff. It was really awkward. But we sorted it.

The team Meeting in April was rather boring stuff, basically I need to sit in on it and the team are able to ask me questions should they wish to. That's kind of scary. I suppose I don't need to do a report so that's something. Oh the other thing about the Anniversary is that I've been asked to read something out. Heather said something similar to what I used to do for sessions, so I'm not entirely sure that means I am reading something already written or I need to write something new. I better clarify that. I can't believe I am spending all that day in the kitchen, I'm going to go mad.

What's the play about on Saturday night? Like is it a previously written show or something independent? Sometimes its nice to see something fresh, as long as it can be pulled off in a good manner. Mind you, the same applies for a previously written show too!

Australia's equivalent to the Grammy's are known as the ARIAs. They have far more class. We were talking about this today because there were a couple of us that watched the BRITs. We were all equally disgusted at them.

Erin's Mum is here at the moment. It's terrible. It's like having twins that laugh and talk and act the same. Its truly scary.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I start at 8am and we have the service at Westminster until 12 noon at which point we make our way back, I need to change, set up for activities, eat and be ready for the groups at about 1:45. This operates like an International Adventure afternoon until 5pm at which point I am to go into the Dining room and co-ordinate dinner and all the HAs to make sure everything is under control. At 6pm the campfire starts. It should finish around 7:30pm and after that we all head back into the dining room to clean up and do dishes. Come Sunday we get up and do it all over again. Minus the service of course.

I am very excited about going to the Service at Westminster Abbey. Its seriously one of those things you have to do but may only ever get the chance to do once and even then it doesn't mean you can go. Like I said before, it's like a pilgrimage. I will wear my uniform with pride and be proud of who I am. I think I should take tissues, I think I may cry. What I do know is that I'll be pretty tired by the end of it all.

For now I am off upstairs to bed. It's after 10:30 and I need to get as much sleep as I can. Good Night and Sweet Dreams.

Rachael :-)

Oh it's the Postman!

Hey Nancy!!

So I went downstairs this morning and blow and behold before my day even begins there's a surprise waiting for me. I was excited! I've been waiting days and days and Sally was like 'It finally arrived'.

Well as you can imagine I was like, dying of curiosity or something. So I rip open the wrapping (technically I was really polite and used scissors) and take the first layer off, then the second and then I burst out laughing. Brilliant!! Aww man thank you so much!! Its so great!! I couldn't help myself, I had to get an adaptor for the plug and turned it on right there in reception!! You should have seen Heather's face when she come in and Sally and I are crouching in the corner watching this lamp spin round. I think I managed to show everyone that walked past!

Nancy, thank you so much!! I am so exited, and I've decided I'm going to put it on the table next to my TV so I can watch it in bed. Yet haven't quite figured out how I'd turn it off without climbing down the ladder. Minor detail really.

Bottom Line, thank you so much!!
Rachael :-)

A Good Night

Ahh, a brief interlude!

I was just watching the BRIT awards (the UK equivalent to the Grammys) and James Blunt was singing that 'Beautiful' song and I sort of got all sad. I can't watch anything these days...

Actually I've never seen the BRITs before, we get them televised back in Oz but I've never bothered to watch them. I was very surprised at how drunk some of the people were who got up on stage and just how many singers sound terrible live. It was painful to hear.

I know Heather probably wasn't all that encouraging but I think something is going on with her. She hasn't been herself for quite s few days now, very snappy and not sad, but angry too. I don't know, just not your normal Heather. I know there is a lot going on and I think there were words had between the programme office and reception. I think Doreen and Janet got involved. My point being, she may not be encouraging because of that or other pressures. Still, I am glad to hear you are still putting an application in.

Sunday's phone call. I'm not phased about the time. I can call if you like, remember I get good minutes, great minutes for the same price you pay for your minutes. So I'm happy to call. I'm working so it won't be till about 7pm at the earliest which is 2pm your time. Up to you, what suits and do you have plans?

A weird feeling has crept over me in the past couple of hours. I'm very fidgety and restless. One of those kind of premonition moods, the ones where I get the feeling about something that's going to happen. Only I can't tell if it's good or not. Its odd. I am wondering what's going to happen in this meeting tomorrow. The feeling is like I should know about something, but I don't, but I'm gonna find out. I don't know, I know there is a lot of unrest here at the moment and I'm just hoping that's all it is. I can't imagine it's being too much else. I mean Janet told me that Doreen is going at the end of March regardless of them having a replacement or not. Hmmm, either that or I'm just being overly paranoid. Even my mum is paranoid about something. She just sent me an e-mail asking if I was okay because she hasn't heard from me in a long time. I e-mailed her a day and a half ago. Something is going astray, I can feel it.

Good grief I am now biting finger nails, this is bad!!

Okay I have a headache so I am going to bed. I'm going to attempt a morning walk tomorrow morning, we'll see how I feel when the alarm goes off.

Take care and we'll talk soon. Good Night,

Rachael

Hello

Hi Nancy!

I thought I'd reply since I was down in the basement anyways.

Pax Lodge is always changing, its been a constant change since I arrived. It just seems lot worse right now because of the types of people we have here. In regards to the HAs, they are a very self centered group. This place cannot function with egocentrism. We need to operate as a team and be prepared for a bit of give and take. These girls don't understand that. They don't know what hard work is!! As for the rest of the staff, there are some big changes, and the level of patience has dropped. Everyone gets very snappy very quickly.

And just a tip, I am not the right person to be asking about spelling!! You ask Erin, I am terrible! I always have been. My English teachers loved me in the sense I was quite fluent with my writing and incredible even. But it was my ability to spell which let me down!

The ACT is an abbreviation for the Australian Capital Territory. Canberra, the Capital City of Australia. It is a territory, hence the abbreviation. Saying the ACT is easier than Canberra. I just forget that sometimes not everyone who receives my bulk e-mails will understand that!

A meat pie is a very Australian thing to have!! They're usually eaten at a Football Match (Australian rules, a cross between Rugby and Soccer) with tomato sauce (wait, Ketchup). Depending on where you buy them, they are usually the size of your palm and are basically a pie base with meat and gravy in them (again this varies) and a pastry lid on top. A good pie will be really thick. A well known brand is Four N Twenty and you'll often hear some say "I'd Love a Four N Twenty" and that's what they'll mean. There might be a better explanation in the book I sent if mine didn't make sense.

The WalkAbout is a string of so called Australian Pubs in London. If you ask me, they are what I call Occa Australian. Very stereotypical. And nothing like the pubs I've been to at home...but then I guess i do go to Irish Pubs to hear the live bands. But yes, there are at least a dozen WalkAbouts scattered across London and they get very full and popular and terrible places to be on a Friday and Saturday night because the place gets full of drunk, bum pinching wannabes. As you can see, not my favourite place to go! But it was Australia Day and it was only for a couple of hours during the day. Something different really.

Australia Day at home is a Public Holiday usually spent at a relatives place eating salad and sizzling meat from the barbecue. Stinking hot day with the Cricket on TV! Most people drink, I don't usually. But its a day of rest and catch up. That's just in case you didn't get enough family splendour at Christmas. Good grief!

Memoirs of a Geisha. I've always been very fascinated by other cultures. I found the story of the movie to be quite heavy in the sense it's not a light hearted movie. But the subject matter isn't light hearted either. In saying that, I really did enjoy it and for the first time in a long time looked at the movie as a story as opposed to looking at the technical elements of it. By studying film making in High School I forever changed the enjoyment I'd get out of seeing a movie! Its taken a bit of practice to see a movie as a story again! I think its definitely worth seeing. I cried so if you have a tendency to be sensitive or mushy in a romantic way, take tissues!! I didn't and had to use my sleeve!

No worries about the whole grilling thing, I seriously don't mind! And anytime you have any questions you think I could answer for you, just let me know and I'll give it my best shot!!

For now I am off to bed, am a bit tired tonight. I don't know why, I haven't done an awful lot!
Take care,
Rachael :-)

Greetings

Hello,

I didn't read the Mark Twain paper yet. I went upstairs and put music on and then I started to write a letter to my girls and then I started to day dream and before I knew it, it was dinner time!! But I'll do it now.

Dinner was pizza which was nice, but there was a weird one with tuna on it...strange. Can I ask, do you think it's wrong for the HAs to go to the WalkAbout, get pissed and then announce where they work on stage in front of however many people in the place?

Down in reception before I overheard Heather talking about e-mails to Sally. She seems majorly pissed off today, it's weird. She's having a bad day maybe. Janet looks really tired. Apparently Australia got it's first medal in the games, yay! I don't know what it was though or what it was for. I need to check that out.

Later -Me

Ah-Ha! Hello!

Hi You Two!!

Okay I know it's Wednesday and this story is a little old but you know sometimes I mean to e-mail and I just never get around to it.

You should both be very proud of me, Andrea more so because I guess that training came in handy?!!! So on Sunday night Shanna (good little christian girl from south Texas) went to the WalkAbout. Cheap Snakebites!! Anyhows, she didn't finish work till 9pm and by the time we got there it was like 9:35. Here's the good part. We only stayed an hour and 15 minutes and downed four Snakies each! Now see, I don't have the threshold for a lot of alcohol, though since being here it has increased. Well we laughed at everything! We even think Shanna broke her nose! Okay not funny but we were upstairs in the bathroom and I made her laugh and she like bent over at the same time and whacked her nose on the marble sink! Man, she's like 'oh my nose just cracked' and yeah. It was rather interesting!

So that's my little exciting story. You guys better be ready, my first Friday back I'm up for some good competition. You wait, I'll drink more in one sitting than I used to in one night!! That excludes the send off though, I drank a fair bit that night...

Hows it going in there by the way? Any exciting news? A wedding? A baby? Someone fired? I don't know, surely something interesting must happen, this is TRS we're talking about, always something going on!!

Catch you round,

Rachael :-)
P.S Andrea, where a good place to look for cash in hand work??

(No Subject)

Heya Fiona!!

Its so good to hear from you! I don't hear much from anyone these days which is why I just send a bulk e-mail once in a while. I figure if people want to talk to me they will. I stopped caring along time ago. I got a bit upset I wasn't hearing from anyone. I got over it. What ever. Life goes on right?!

We've had two days of rain here and finally got a little bit of sunshine this morning. I am going for a walk a little later on to go pick up some photos I got developed yesterday. I am thinking I should take my bright red brolly with me!

I'm sounding a little down. Yes, that and a combination of being fed up. I've had money woes of late, the impact of not returning to work in January is starting to show its ugly head. Not only that, Pax Lodge isn't the same place anymore. Right now I want out. That might not be the case tomorrow, but right now, I want to be some place else.

Harry has gone to where?? Is he still in the building? What's the name of the fellow who replaced him? How big is the reshuffle going to be? What else has changed since I left? Am I going to walk into the place and not know where anything is? And how does the reshuffle impact on you?

No exciting trips lately, I'm going to Ireland at the start of March which I am very excited about. I've been hanging around Hampstead a lot, doing free stuff to try keep money in order.

Melbourne can't be that bad, I know I'd like to be there at the moment. What's Doggy doing in the UK? And how long is he here for?

Do I detect a little annoyance towards Al?? And they still haven't got rid of Jen? Maybe the new guy will give her the boot!

Well not a lot happening on a quiet day off. Say hi to Col for me, and anyone else who may remember me! Has Sammy finished her house yet?

Okay, I'm off, catch you when I do!
Rachael :-)

P.S Bitching is a very healthy habit, helps you to live longer!

I am Back

Good Evening,

Its been a pretty uneventful few hours. Apparently the evening programme people left early, by the sounds of it, it wasn't going too well. Apparently the girls got really board. Not a great thing!

As for me well I've caught up on letter writing and cards. I think I will post them tomorrow. So aside from that I watched some of the winter games in Torino and ate some phish food which was really good. I'm not a huge fan of it, but sometimes it's the right combination and hits the spot.

I ended up doing Tricia's night duty lock up training for Janet. You should have seen it. I went downstairs to get a cup of tea and was going to go back up to my room and keep writing. So I was in my purple slippers, my green skirt and my black singlet top (the one with the little sparkly bits around the top) and didn't look all that fashionable. While I was standing there talking, Shanna left some of her Texas stuff on the table in reception while they continued with after dinner duties. I ended up with Shanna's GSUSA scarf on, folded and worn like a tie sort of Avril Lavigne meets Juliette Lowe style, it didn't add to a great over all look. Janet was so tired so I offered to do the lock up stuff with Tricia. Poor Tricia was dead tired too.

There is good news, Janet is going home for 11 days on the 24th of Feb! She was soooo excited, she came out today and told us. I haven't seen her smile so much in a long time. It'll be the first time she'll meet Cameron whom she should of met last June when she was there for his birth, but he came late thus she missed it! I'm happy for her.

Tomorrow we find out who is getting the delivery. Tis very exciting.

Anyhows, I am off to bed, I still need to write in my journal, I haven't for like three days now! How slack is that?!

Rachael

Evening Time

Good Evening.

Dinner was okay and there is evening programme tonight which means all the HAs will be kept busy and I can wander around and do whatever. I think perhaps more Ben and Jerrys is on the list. Yum. A good chocolate one, might even go so far as to get Phish Food.

Am a lot annoyed at Senior Staff right now, well not Janet and not Breanne and not Sally. Doesn't leave many left hey! It comes back to communication in this place. With the 15th Anniversary coming up, Breanne has been dealing with the correspondence coming into the anniversary account and she went and asked Janet something this afternoon. Anyway the saga goes on and Breanne comes back a bit miffed and like 20 minutes later Janet calls me into her office. Long story short, she is under the impression after being told by Doreen that I am in charge of all the correspondence surrounding the anniversary and how I should be putting an out of office note on the anniversary email account on my days off. As you can imagine I just about fell off the chair. No one has told me any of this and that's why Breanne was miffed because Janet told her that should be my stuff not hers. Well Breanne wasn't aware of this either! I said to Janet that I haven't been told anything like that, I've no idea. I don't have a problem doing it, but I'd like to be told first that it should be things I'm doing. Grrr. Anyway so Janet is going to talk to Heather about it.

We had two police officers come for lunch today, the one I had the photo with and another one. We got talking about Breanne having to go up the road to give a statement to the police and they were saying that every single ATM on Hampstead high street has been tampered with at various points in time. Great. Just what we need to hear. Anyway we warned everyone about using the cash machines in this mornings meeting. Its crazy. There is a big bank scam which has just erupted onto the media at the moment, its everywhere.

So I think I might go up stairs now and start to unwind. Change out of my uniform, settle in for a nice quiet night.

Me

Good Morning

Good Morning!

So day five is about to start and then I am off. I'm excited, its been a pretty busy week and am looking forward to not having to deal with the office. And HAs and just work in general.

Now, last night. Shanna comes up and tells me she's in great need of a Snakebite (which she's now hooked on) and that the WalkAbout does them for two pounds on a Sunday. No one else wants to go with her, so will I go? Thus, I ended up going. Have to admit, Sundays are far better, there is about a third of the crowd there, maybe less and the music is a lot more clear! It was a due last night and in their breaks an Aussie got up and sang a John Farnham song! Yay! Sorry, he's an Aussie artist. But they were good and it was more of a relaxed atmosphere with literally no sleaze.

But there was one guy and he was harmless really. We'd been there maybe an hour at this point and Shanna goes off to the loo and then to get another round of drinks. Literally as soon as she left, he came over. Would have been about 35-45 I think. And he was just talking, I mean where I go on a Friday night at home (on the rare occasion I go out) the crowd is a lot older thus they are a lot more friendly in the sense you can actually have a conversation with them without them expecting to be laid. And if they do, they're polite about it. Entirely different style of person and I can deal with that.

So he comes over and he could hear Shanna and I talking and asks where in America I was from. I laughed and told him I was an Aussie. He was asking about Scouts and all sorts (he was a Canadian here working for a bank firm) and eventually Shanna comes back with drinks and he was sort of hanging around talking and Shanna was talking to him and so I make a point of bringing up Shanna's wedding plans and so she goes on about that for a while. I mean I knew he came over to talk to me, but it brought the subject up. It goes on and he asks about home and I sort of made a point of saying I was looking forward to going home and starting my life with my Partner. I see Shanna's eyebrow raise, but she goes along with it and he asks about if I too was getting married. He he he. I told him there would be a few issues with that because our Prime Minister wasn't thinking of legalising it any time soon. He was like oh so its a she and I was like yeah...and about 30 seconds later he was like 'excuse me, I have to go' and I was like yeah I so knew that would get rid of him!!

Anyway, Shanna was like "Your partner?" and I knew she wasn't sure about that because her body language had changed completely. I reassured her that it was the only ploy that was sure to get (guys from home) to leave without telling them they were dog ugly or you weren't interested. By saying something like that they realise they are wasting their time and don't get all insulted at the same time. So I had to reassure Shanna it was only a ploy and its fine, I don't have a partner waiting at home for me.

We laughed the whole way home and Shanna was trashed, but in a good way. She was just really happy and jovial. We talked about a few different things at Pax and she's annoyed that the HAs as a whole are branded as being lazy. Coz she's not.

But that was my night really. It was funny. I was tired and I had two drinks under my belt. I was conscious that while I still was quite conscious, when I have a drink I get all sappy and yeah, I do enough of that! Thus it was a short good night and a little sap.

Anyways, I should go up for work and see if Shanna has surfaced.

Rachael :-)

Hello

Good Evening,

I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better.

I think we'd make a great pair of old ladies!!

See told you I'd been hounding Ruth, though I am surprised that she e-mailed you about it. Almost seems like a not Ruth thing to do. I mean she usually won't talk about that kind of thing and yet here she is telling you off her own cause, although she may assume that I have been talking to you or vice versa. Either way its no big deal.

You know how I mentioned the flags going on the building some time back? Well it seems that they will be up for the 15th anniversary which is kind of interesting. Doreen and Janet are currently down here in the basement going on about flags and poles and ropes and its sort of amusing really. Weird things amuse me.

I'm not corrupting the good little christian girl. She's doing that herself!

I want to see the snow!!

I am going upstairs.

Me

Morning Light

Good Morning!

My check in finally arrived at 1:37am this morning. I had given up trying to stay awake thus lay down on my bed in my civilian clothes and thought for a while and started to doze and then the buzzer went off! Dang! But that was good because it then meant I was able to change into PJs and get into bed and relax and actually go to sleep. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off 15 minutes ago and I just want to go back to bed. Need lots of toothpicks this morning.

How are you?

Only two more days of work to go. Today will be long simply because I feel so tired. No dreams last night either, that I can remember anyways. Only one guest in house tonight which is a little sad. Back to the quiet Pax. Not that I mind. One of last years session participants went to Madame Tussuad's while they were here and signed up to the mailing list and have just received a 2 for 1 voucher to go. So Breanne and I snaffled it and we're going on the 23rd. People keep giving me mixed ideas as to if it's worth the money, so 2 for 1 I'll make the most of and go. Then we are trying to decide where we'll eat for dinner that night.

Ha you'll laugh, when Shanna and I went to the Milkshake Place for dinner the other night, we were at the dinner table at Pax before eating and Heather says to me 'You're not eating' so I reply by telling her that Shanna and I are going out for dinner. Well the table erupts into laughter when Shanna turns around and says 'Yeah a little intimate dinner for two since we're dating and all' and well, I couldn't help but think of you. Sally just looked at me and laughed.

See back to Pax again. I tried! I was thinking how sun burnt I would have been by now if I had gone home. Come February I'm usually wishing the summer away because it's too hot for me. Silly really. But I suppose not in all regards as our winter isn't as harsh as the London winter. We at least keep daylight a hell of a lot longer than they do here! Its not so bad, we're getting back to still having daylight at 5pm. I like that idea! I can't wait for it to get a bit later so I can go out for my evening walks again. Thus far the attempts to try do it in the morning before work haven't been too successful. I haven't done it once!

Well I really have to go. Take care and look after yourself. For now, I am off. I'm actually a little hungry.

Rachael :-)

Erin!!! I Yell as I Run Down the Hall

Good Morning!!

A tad excitable really. I like morning like this :-)

After I finish writing you last night I went into the dining room to get a mug of horlics and ended up just sitting there by myself with the ghosts of summer again. Its a nice kind of feeling. But in the end some of the conference people came back and I talked to them for a little while then went up to bed, wrote in my journal, realised there was nothing of interest on the Tv and turned the light out. No dreams. Not a single one. Well, that I can remember.

Yes its fine if you give your mom my e-mail address! Good grief you really have to ask? I have hers, and I meant to add her to my address book so I she could get my big e-mails too, but I think somewhere in there I just forgot to and well, here we are. No problem, give it to her! And no I don't mind at all if she wants to me to do Guides Oz stuff!! I would love to. I was kind of hoping that maybe I'd somehow get a better understanding of Girl Scouts while I was there but I sort of put it off until things were a little more concrete or got closer to happening. That would be very cool!! On one condition though. I get some groovy troop number to sew somewhere! I think that the troop number idea is cool, sorry. Me being a corny tourist again. I'll look up the websites at another point in time, maybe when I am sitting in the office tonight.

Poor Mike, I just knew he was misunderstood. Tell him to hang in there, I'm on my way! Just a little slow, that's all! Tell him I am swimming which is why it's taking so long!

Yes, I too like the second Delta CD. Most of the songs on the mixed CDs are just random songs I like. But Anastacia's Welcome to my Truth, the I still Love song, you guessed right!! It was my favourite song on the album which I brought the day it came out. She didn't realise that song on radio until some eight or so months later but I loved the song because of the very reasons you outlined. I am still here, still kicking along and smiling, even after everything that's happened.

I don't think my anticipation of you asking about Penny was logic or insecurity. It may have been a bit of both. I don't know, I just expected it. And what made me realise this was my life? In all honesty it probably started about three years back but it wasn't until I lived in my own place and had my own job and car that I sort of went, hey I can do what I like. Meredith for me was a big part in my change. I saw a person I didn't want to become in some regards. And I learnt a lot of things from her too. Yet she was a lot more liberal growing up than I am so I did draw the line at things, including her view on living a little more!

There lots more I could talk about but I have to head upstairs for flag. So I have to go.

Rachael :-)

A Good Night (Yet Long Again)

Greetings!

Its Friday fish night here and Shanna and I sat through dinner (I was working, she wasn't) long enough for guests to clear out (I couldn't get out of dinner) and then we literally ran up to the Milkshake place for dinner for real food!! We've only just come back now.

But on with your questions and my explanations...let me see, where did I get to....okay, writing without a goal in mind. In some regards I knew that Day and Night was going to be about Rachel exploring a part of herself she'd never really seriously considered before. Thus in that regard I guess maybe I was exploring myself too. But as long as it stayed on paper then it couldn't become too real. With me it's not so much a case of not realising I was attracted to females, it's more of a case of not allowing myself to be because of what other people may think. Its not until recently, less than 12 months now, that I honestly came to understand that this was my life and I had to do what made me happy. Still, I'd not taken a same sex relationship into account. It was never on the cards. But on the same token I wasn't going to deny the chance either. I mean Veronica said to me everyone thought I was going to come back engaged to the love of my life. She said to me, what if it ends up being a female?? I laughed at her. She just smiled, maybe she knew better. She was the only one to know about my confusion over Penny.

The real life saga with Veronica and Scott was worthy of an Oscar!! He actually did live in London and was about four of five years older than us. I can remember spending endless hours talking to him with her, we were up until all hours of the morning. He was a nice guy. Very much into music like Veronica was, that's how they first met up I guess. I decided to use that in my story but kind of moulded it to my own twisted version of fate, so I could temper it to achieve what I wanted to in the fictional world I was creating.

Am I sure I let go of Penny? He he he, you know after I sent Day and Night I anticipated that question. I went 'Oh I know what she'll ask' and I wasn't too far off!! Yes, I let go of Penny. It took time, but I did. More than anything I would love to have her friendship back. We got along very well and were both kind of crazy at times. I reached a point where I realised that relationships were complicated things. And I saw how happy Erin made her. I was kinda shocked to find out they've been dating for like two years. I never saw her going for someone younger. Point being yes I let go of Penny. I came to realise maybe she just was in my life to let me understand it was okay to care about people, to trust a little more.

Well from Penny to Matt. What a leap. I honestly did care a lot for Matt. He was my first real boyfriend and the first person I guess I could begin to say I loved. I spent a lot of the relationship feeling very insecure about myself. In the end I think that's what brought an end to us. I mean there were other factors involved but after four months I still had moments where I didn't trust him. No that's not right. I did trust him. I don't think I trusted myself. I dwelt too much, I was still reserved with him. We had a lot of good times and related on an intellectual level. And he was very different to most guys I'd ever associated with. In some regards I think I did try use him to convince myself I only wanted guys! And yet I can also say I really was interested in him for being him. We saw each other New years Weekend (04/05) and talked a lot and realised we were better as friends and we are. Simple as that. We live very different lives and want different things. Somehow I get the feeling he was very new at the whole relationship thing too.

Again killing off Michael Stone was a way to make Rachel see there was nothing left for her in the States. In my mind I think if Stone had lived, they'd have made a go of things. I don't think there is anything specific which made me want to kill him off. From what I can remember Stone wasn't killed off until after I started Night and Day. No wait, when I started Spirit of Truth. Rachel needed a reason to leave the FBI and that was all a part of it. The office and the building held too many memories. So she moved up North. If anything it would also make Rachel experience a new set of emotions. Who knows, maybe I did it around the time I got over Penny. Like a way to reflect what I was feeling too. I don't know. I know I had no where near the depth of emotion that Rachel had for Michael. Yeah maybe I did it around that time...

Rachel and Alex was a random thing that happened as I was going along.

Veronica copped a lot of ridicule about her relationship. It spread through the school like wildfire and I was one of the few friends who stood by her through the tough times. When we left high school we spent heaps of time hanging out. We pretty much were the only person either of us kept in contact with. Shortly after high school, Vee spilt with her other half who went out with another girl from out year level. So I think I helped Vee through that too. We went to a lot of Alumni school functions together and were wanting to start a business and all sorts. Somehow people got it into their heads we were dating. We didn't find this out until we went to the school production a year or so back and was talking to one of the teachers who happened to randomly ask how the house was going (we were indeed going to share a flat at some point) and we said we weren't living together and we then got asked if we'd broken up!!

Yeah, a lot of people got the wrong idea. It was sort of funny really. After that we joked a lot about it too. We're mates and always will be. There is no way in the world I'd even think about a relationship with her. Her morals are very different to mine and after seeing what she put her other half through -no thank you! Nah, we are just very different people with different ideals and we're great friends, no way! Argh, now I have to try get that idea out of my head, scarred for life now!

She didn't so much teach me what to look for in a chick. I guess she was just more liberal around me because she knew it didn't phase me. I remember us having a conversation one day about chicks when we were in the city. It was utterly hilarious to see what she looked for. So as a joke she's like 'what would you look for?' and yeah it went from there. It was all pretty harmless and tongue in cheek. No I never had a thing for Nat! She was very funny. I told her about that convo with Vee and she laughed, she was like 'Yeah I had a mate like that' and she'd also done the same thing with Gay guys. She's a crack up. I never saw Nat in that way. I wanted to have a body like hers though, I will admit that. I think that's why I took notice. Nat has the body shape I would like. Not overly thin, but curved in the right places. That's all. Besides, she's into guys from what I know. Not that it much matters to me anyway!

What was the go with me and Ben? Well, to be honest I don't know. I warmed very quickly to his personality. When I first moved to the crime department in August 2003, I used to go over the road on a Friday with Zoe and Chrissie and have a drink with the boys (OJ on my part). Apparently I met Ben way back then. He'd broken his mouse on his computer and had asked Chrissie to get him a replacement and in turn she had come to me. I got one. So we're at the bar one Friday evening and he obviously twigged as to who I was and what I'd done and just walks up and goes 'I love you!' and I just looked at him. Apparently the look on my face told him I thought he was insane and I wanted to run in the other direction. Knowing me that's exactly what my face would have said. Only I don't remember that. Apparently numerous times after that occurrence he'd say hi to me in the lift I would look at him in that same insane scared way. Again I have no recollection of this.

It wasn't until March of 05 when Chrissie graduated to be a copper that in my mind we met for the first time. We ended up sitting next to each other at the table and would go out for cigarettes. I ended up driving him home that night and we just talked the whole way. And it kind of went from there. I didn't realise what was going on until Meredith pointed it out to me. As soon as she did that the way I looked at him changed. She was telling me 'just go for it' and I was like 'and do what? Have a one night stand?'. She pretty much in a round about way said yes because I needed to live a little more. That's not me. In the end I asked him out. He said no because he'd not long broken up with someone.

We didn't talk for like two weeks and it was all awkward between us. We got over it and were good mates again, then he started the whole flirting thing, quite openly and very bluntly and I wasn't used to that, I'd never been on the receiving end of that. So again I'm talking to Meredith about it and she's like just live a little. I can't do that you know, I just can't. In the end I decided to smarten up (allegedly) and invited him to my 21st. He told like everyone we knew to come!

People who I had invited to the party, he was chasing them up getting them to come and asking if I'd sorted everything like the DJ and all. I just laughed, it was really weird. On the night of my 21st I had a bit too much to drink (not drunk) and stupidly took Meredith's advice and as he was leaving I just wanted to run after him and kiss him! It was the weirdest thing! Never had that feeling in my life. It was a big flirting session really and I ended up asking him to come to my hotel room the night before I left. Looking back, I am glad he didn't. I did a lot of drinking in the days leading up to leaving. And I think for the most part I was kind of hormonal. Good grief the guy is 11 years older than me. Most coppers flirting I just brush off because that's how most of them are. Somehow he got under my skin. That's all.

Masks. Right, yes I do live in masks for most of my everyday life. It comes back to being brought up to keep up appearances and live up to other people's expectations. My guiding has done a lot for my self esteem in recent years. It pulled me through some very dark parts of my life. I wear my uniform with pride now, like a suit of armour. I am allowed to be responsible but a kid as well. I have learnt that most people in this movement don't expect anything more than you can give. Its very different to every day environments, like work or school. There are very few people who get to see past that.

Okay, back to Alex and Rachel again. Day and Night is the only Rachel and Alex story I have! Like I said I haven't written anything in some time now and Day and Night was where I left things off. But yes you are right, to this date Rachel doesn't have a life after D & N. I just haven't had the chance to write it yet. She has a life leading up to it which you kind of learn about through the first stories, but nothing after. At least not yet.

You have to remember that up until I was 18 and a half I had never dated anyone, nor had any real desire to date anyone. I was always under the assumption that if love wanted me, it could come and find me. I wasn't going to go look for it. Beside, I had no idea how to handle it! It had crossed my mind at one point that maybe I just wasn't into guys and was destined to be single my entire life. I used to joke about being a nun. But being attracted to females never crossed my mind because in my mind, it wasn't allowed. And I couldn't be like all the other girls. The thought of being intimate with someone required a lot of trust and emotion and I'm sorry, having a one night stand just doesn't cut it for me. To sleep with any number of people for fun doesn't fit in with my morals! Veronica always told me if I was waiting for someone to spend my life with, I was going to wait a long time. She said I took relationships too seriously. She too thought I should live a little more. I never could. I never gave my number to anyone I met when I was out. But I guess that was a lot to do with the fact I was a bit of a social recluse. My mum would never let me go out, I was allowed to the cinema with friends after I turned 16 and even then she had to take me there and pick me up. My only way to get out was through guides. Which is why it became a huge chunk in my life. I in the end decided I didn't have the time for finding boys and having sex. It probably wasn't all that great anyways. I had also to some degree had a very prim and proper upbringing. I never saw the piano scene in Pretty Woman until I was 18, my mum never let me see it! Now that I look at it, there's nothing much to it!

Everything I learnt about sex and relationships came from school. So it was a rather distorted but realistic view of it. It was raw and unedited and seemed as every bit a gross as it sounded. The kind of relationship I wanted was far too poetic and abnormal for my school friends. So I sat in my own little world and hoped one day the right person would come along. It never phased me. It wasn't until I was around couples a lot more that I started to feel left out and that I was un-datable. I now know that's not the case and I know that if you are patient, good things do come to you. And that the relationship of trust and care and love that I had always dreamed of but often thought too good to be true, is actually possible.

And so after dribbling on for all this time, I really do feel the need to go to bed. It's now after 10:30.

Rachael

P.S If you have more questions, you know you can ask away!!

Morning Chit Chat

Good Morning!!

Okay, so I think the reply to your first e-mail may get long like the one I did last night. I don't know, it depends on how far off track I get. So I'm gong to answer the shorter answer ones and hopefully will keep enough time to go to flag. And for your own peace of mind, I stopped walking on eggshells some time ago. Actually probably not that long ago, I'd say Christmas maybe. I was just too scared of my own emotions and the depth I was going to feel them.

See Delta is a great artist! I love the thought her songs can provoke, and I like the way they provoke them. Last night on Earth is indeed the name of the song, good job!

My mass e-mails are something I am very awake that everyone gets. Different people in different parts of my life (work, guides, school, family) see the emails I send and I'm very conscious of what it is I write. Most of the time. I have moments where I slip. But in general, I think that my 'mask' comes out because I don't want people to know me too well. Especially work people. Fiona will e-mail me privately and ask how I am going. The big emails go to pretty much everyone I know. The people who genuinely care how things are going e-mail me back otherwise it's just a general catch up as to what has been going on. I try not to make it too personal. Indeed you probably have gotten used to me without the mask. You should feel privileged, that's a side most don't see!

No one else has ever read Day and Night, but then most of the other stuff I have written has only been seen by Carly and odd bits and pieces by Veronica. My very first long story was read by my English teacher and a few of my class mates of the time. Well I guess I was kind of reading it to them. Poems are what people most see, but even then its only a few. So back to Day and Night, only you've read it. Yes it's obvious that the name Rachel has come from me and part of the way I spilt the two of us was dropping the second a in Rachael. It helped a little! Rachel Manchester came to life mid 1999 when Veronica and I first became friends. Manchester in the beginning needed a side kick and well Veronica was it. I always meant to change names further down the track but never did because they stuck, you know they took on a personality of their own. While Veronica has indeed been killed off, it's only because Rachel needed to literally start fresh.

There is a case that I haven't written yet, but it takes place between something called The Spirit of Truth and Day and Night. Its the case that brings Rachel back to Australia. It brings her face to face with a ghost from her past which is something you haven't come across yet because its' not mentioned in Day and Night. The Rachel Manchester saga is long, she has history!! Its starts in Butterfly, then to Free Fall, then something called Pasquinade, which leads to The Spirit of Truth and finally to Day and Night. She has a big saga!

You were right about Rachel's morals and sleeping with Michael. She denies it in the beginning because she is repulsed by what she's done. Again that's something that comes out during the course of Day and Night. There are hints of a close friendship in The Spirit of Truth but never to the degree which will emerge in Day and Night.

Right, my dear, I have to leave it at that because I have to go upstairs!!! I made it to the half way point of your e-mail without getting this too long. How cool is that!! What I might do is at some point put together a little time line so you can figure out what goes on when in my world of fiction!

Argh, have to go, don't get carried away again!

Rachael :-)

Greetings from Up North!

Hello to all!!

Well I can't believe its been nearly a month since I wrote, but then when you look at how quickly time goes by here then I suppose its not all that surprising! The bad part is that I am having a hard time trying to figure out what I've told you and what I haven't!! So I'll just go for a recap of the year thus far and see how we go.

I spent the better part of January feeling about as great as a seasick passenger crossing Bass Straight in mid July! While the vampire doctors took blood, it came back all clear and everything was hunky dory. Or so it would seem. While I know part of what I have been feeling is physical (pretty much had no energy and felt like crap! Slept lots too...), I would have to be a fool if I tried to tell myself it wasn't an emotional thing as well. However, slowly but surely I am getting there. It sometimes feels like the bad days are out weighing the good ones, yet I am sure that's just a figment of my imagination!!

January also brought the return of an old and dear face to Pax Lodge. Yes, Ruth returned! It was a lovely couple of days and I got out of the building and perhaps got to relive memories and moments I feel I miss so much. Its odd to think I can now miss things about London too, Melbourne is one thing, but London? Either way I got out to Speakers Corner again and Covent Garden. Spent a couple of hours wandering around Camden and caught up on news and photos and videos from home (for both of us). Ruth had brought a video of her girls at camp and well since I had my girls on video too (thanks Mick and Vic!) I had to show them off too!!

Hmm for those a little lost there, my aunt and uncle did a home video and sent it over for Christmas. Had all the animals and a drive into the city on it, saw the streets of Broady (one can miss that!) and even my car! But yes, they did a visit to my Guide Unit one night which by the time it came onto the screen I was bawling my eyes out. While being at a World Centre is great and all, and dealing with people on literally a global level, I miss the day to day thing. The guiding on a local level, my little unit. I miss the interaction with the girls. Sometimes life at Pax gets too complex and I'd give anything to go back to making paper mache piggy banks...

January also found me celebrate my first Australia Day overseas! Have to admit, it was only the second time in history where I'd started drinking during daylight hours! The other involved tequila shots...but Louise and I (yay another aussie) headed into central London to the Shaftsbury Ave Walk About. I couldn't believe how packed it was!! I have some great photos of me and my beer and a cool Fosters hat, plus the first meat pie I'd had in like 8 months! It tasted sooooo good!! Lots of drunk Australians, plenty from Melbourne, hardly any from the ACT. Five different TV screens with five different sports playing. I am amazing at just how many aussies there are in this city and that was only going to one place!!

Other random things in January included getting on a Webcam in Covent Garden with Sally to wave to her mum in South Africa while talking to her on the phone, getting a photo with a bunch of Bikies which reminded me of Hells Angels (yeah not making a habit of that either!), celebrating lots of birthdays and one of the worst things to happen was the Senior Staff doing a 28 day detox. It was pure hell and I didn't even do it!! No I guess more than anything I just became tired of the complaining. I mean come on guys, self inflicted! Because of this we had some very interesting cakes for birthdays one of which could have double for a dry skin/corn scrubber type thing. It was horrible! An important moment was finally getting my new credit card to arrive in the mail!! Mate I tell you I haven't used it in an ATM since I got it!! I am terrified to!

Have seen a couple of movies too. If I remember rightly I mentioned the Gay Cowboy Movie (Brokeback Mountain) but have since seen Rumour Has It and Memoirs of a Geisha which I really enjoyed. And yes I cried! Shanna laughed at me...Also read a few more good books. The thing I like about it being so cold outside (and I mean cold) is that I want to stay inside and curl up with a book or two!

The part of the new year has in true Pax Lodge style seen people come and go. We had our Long Term Resident Kat leave us, which initially was a great thing, but as crazy as it sounds, I actually miss having her around. Another recent departure (and literally within the past few days) was Eri, the HA from Japan. There's no one here to make funny noises or get really confused when we all talk at the same time! In essence she was the last of my HAs to leave. I am it now which is kind of sad when you consider how things are now. New arrivals found a new Long Term Resident from New Zealand arrive. Also two more HAs to add to the mix. Rachel from Maine, USA and Tricia from Sydney, NSW. Yep that's right, the aussies are invading Pax Lodge! Actually poor Heather today looked really confused, between Tricia and I we had the typical humour flying around which if you don't understand, can confuse the hell out of you.

I also went to see a stage show called Stomp. While the concept was interesting and the way it was presented quite smart, I don't ever want to see it again! An hour and a half of sound effects made by people on stage just doesn't cut it. My brain needs a story or something to focus on, not noise!! As I said, it was good, but no need to see it again! On the subject of shows, one of the ladies next door (well she's Doreen's boss so that makes her important!) has a brownie group who were in a pantomime. A few of us went out a few Friday's back to see it. A tiny little church hall with minimal heating and really bad acting is what we got!! It was cute and all, but it was the longest three hours of my life!! The best part about that night was walking to Finchley while it was snowing lightly, a whole new magical experience, especially since it was dark.

Work wise the office is still the office really. I went and did a two day Access course which I really enjoyed, both on the brain level and the stomach level. Good food! Actually it was nice to in a sense go to work and leave the building. While some would consider living where you work a convenience, I long for the days of the rush hour drive home or the squished public transport commute. I felt so good to have to be out at a certain time to get a certain bus and be somewhere by a certain time. To be able to leave the building at lunch. To mix with other people. Then try fight for a seat coming home and being delayed because of traffic. You don't realise how much you miss that.

Oh how could I forget the most exciting news of all! Actually, some of you might be terrified at the thought. But Pax had a brush with crime! Ha! Well technically the two people actually tried to break into the Bureau but they still came in our back garden and shifted the view of our CCTV camera and spent like 12 minutes on the property and even came down near the doors of Pax Lodge! It was all so exciting, you should have seen us all crowded in Doreen's Office looking at the footage. The police and everything got involved. So yours truly ended up sitting there and going through all the footage and writing down what they did at what time and got taken next door into the recording studio to see Glen and see their security cameras (they are sooo cool) and well, just generally felt a little bit of a buzz of excitement, just like being back in reception of a squad! Pathetic I know, but still exciting.

KFC down the road burnt down or exploded or something. For a while there (for Monique's benefit) we thought about how Kumar was doing....

Last Sunday I ended up working because we had a huge International Adventure Day!! We were expecting 90 odd people, 78 of which were kids! Most people who were sane would say no when asked to sacrifice a day off to work, nope not me!! Ha! Aww mate I tell you, it was great fun! In the end we ended up with maybe 50 kids or so come, but it was still the biggest International Day I'd seen in my time. It was a bit of a shock to the new HAs too. Actually in general I think everything is a bit of a shock to them! I had to laugh, yesterday Shanna over flowed the bath on the first floor! She forgot about turning the tap on and it flooded the little bathroom and the water came down through the roof into reception!! Goodness Me!

One thing I continuously say to you guys that I like about Pax Lodge is the change in the team. Like a huge Big Brother psychology experiment. HA wise I'm not sure we've got a functioning team. I know that sounds really horrible. But it almost seems like they are operating as individuals rather than a team. We have some very strong personalities. What I find most amusing, perhaps that's not the right word, is that several of them have said to me they came here expecting a family type of feeling and its not like that at all. Up until now I would have disagreed. Yet recently its like it has lost the family feel. More than anything its probably just a phase and probably because we have got a pretty green group of HAs. So in that sense you'd still think the rest of the staff are okay. But as far as I can tell, that too has changed, Erin and I used to come up with theories all the time. The one we always anticipated but never occurred was Pax Lodge Imploding on Itself. Right now I feel like that is not far off happening. Everyone seems really agitated and pissed off a lot more. I find that the Pax Lodge I once knew and loved isn't here any more.

Hmmm I've done a lot of complaining haven't I? That and things I miss or things which aren't the same. Maybe right now I am just in limbo. Stuck between wanting to leave but not wanting to go back to Australia just yet. Perhaps I just don't know what I want! Or perhaps I just haven't adapted to the changes here as well as I thought I had. Who knows. What I am looking forward to is the summer and more sunshine and many more adventures. I hope. I am also looking forward to Thinking Day and Pax Lodge's 15th Anniversary in March. There are some big celebrations ahead. I also look forward to seeing old friends and faces. Ruths (both of them!), Kacey, Erin, Kathy and Kate. And anyone else who wants to come and visit!!

Actually I had Mandy Fitzpatric's sister come and visit me yesterday! That was kinda cool! So my Guide people, if you could pass on my thanks and regards to Mandy that would be great.
For now I have talked far too long. I really should go.

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the summer as hot as it seems to be. Please stay safe and take care, drop me a line sometime!!

Your Aussie over here,
Rachael :-)