Good Morning

Good Morning,

Well I slept kind of oddly last night. But you made an appearance in my dream! And for the life of me I could remember it when I woke up, but now its gone from my mind. You were there though and that's what counts. The other thing is I woke up this morning and it was snowing. Not great snow, it's melting as soon as it touches the ground which kind of sucks and is only very small falling snow. But something, right?!

No mum wasn't an alcoholic! Sorry I think phrased that wrong. Because my mum and my step father met when I was like 2 years old, I pretty much grew up with his family being my family. Wayne is my brothers day. Wayne's dad David was an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. He lived in a bungalow out the back of Donna's house (Wayne's mum) and you could smell the place a mile away. He used to reek of beer all the time. I think that's why I had a strong dislike to the smell of beer, indeed any alcohol for a while there. He'd yells things and shout and always make my brother cry. I hated it. He died a couple of years back and it took close to three months to get rid of the smell from where he lived. It truly was horrible. So it wasn't my mum who was the alcoholic. But I still grew up around him and it wasn't nice.

There is nothing specific which I can pinpoint being unhappy right now, if anything its a combination of many things. Yes, money is one of them because I didn't think I'd get my phone bill paid which means I'd lose my mobile number and my contract would be void and all sorts of things. However they hadn't been updating my bill payments on the website, they've done that now and I am ahead. And my phone is back in action. Still I have my car insurance and it's registration in June. Some time away still, but still a worry. I'll learn to deal with that. There's plenty of time to save Aussie dollars till then. I just freak out easy.

We have gone back to having little daylight which isn't helping. And sort of miserable weather. The sun seems to be out while I am working and on my days off it vanishes from sight. I just think Pax in general has me down because it's nothing like it used to be.Plus I am going to be in the gap all by myself for about an extra month now that Maria is leaving at the start of March.

I've also had my mum giving me her woes too. She wants my car left at her house but it costs too much to leave it there. Plus I don't feel safe with it being there! Not a very desirable area! Especially when it comes to car theft.

I have decided come end of August I'm going to go regardless. Perhaps part of September, we'll see. I do know I don't want to stay until the end of October, it's too far away.

I think its cute that your mum gives you Rachael hugs for me. Aww. Its okay, I go and get Janet hugs. Those are good too. Janet gives hugs like my grandmother used to. Special hugs, you know?

Well Breanne and I are going to Madame Tussuad's today so I suppose I should go and shower and get myself ready to go. Who knows what time we are leaving. But it should be good regardless. At least I'll get out. Not sure how I am going to converse with Breanne all day by myself but I'll deal with it.

I am doing okay. I know it's going to take time. But I'm aware of how bad I'm feeling and ready to do something about it.

I should go.

Rachael