Okay, let Try Again!

Hello!!

So this evening was pretty haywire. The day has been well, another day at Pax Lodge. Janet came home which is great and looks pretty good too which is reassuring. Kind of sad though when I think about the mine field this place is entering!

My reasons for not writing so far this evening? Well like I said it's been a little crazy. For one Xenia never came and knocked on my door to let me know she was done, however I don't think it would have much mattered.

Not long after I got back to my room, Erin came knocking on my door wanting to talk. So in she came. Next thing, Tricia comes up. So the two of them are kind of having a half bitch session half 'we need help to figure this out' type of thing. Turns into like a shrink session like I used to run in my room. Some time around 8pm, Louise and Rachel come and join in. Around 8:15 Erin and Louise leave because they are going out. So I am left with Tricia and Rachel. We talk a bit more, Tricia leaves, Rachel stays a little longer then leaves as Tricia is coming back through the door. Rachel goes and Tricia stays and ends up in tears right at the point where Shanna (who has just finished K2) comes through my door, sees the scenario and leaves. Tricia finally left and next thing I know it's like almost 10pm!! Where did the night go?!

I know I try not to talk about Pax too much, I often feel like it's all I talk about. But see, the type of night tonight was is usually what I'd sit and talk to you about. I've had a night of psychology sessions, literally one after the other with over laps. I love watching the group dynamics switch and change. I get so angry with this group sometimes and since coming back from Ireland I've noticed it even more. Today I had a day where I would have up and left, I'd have no worries in doing so. But I know it's just a bad day, tomorrow is a new one.

I almost feel that this group is about to self destruct, unlike anything I have experienced here so far which means its a new experience for me. Despite how heavy I feel now, it was actually nice to have people in my room again. I've always said, even to these guys, that I have an open door policy for all of them should they need it. Yet no one took me up on that. Tonight I kind of found out why. Especially of late because I have been hanging around with Shanna a lot, they assumed I was on her side of this raging war they have. I explained to the four of them that I was likely to be the most fairest person they could speak to aside from Janet. I explained that I heard every one's side of the story and that I didn't take sides. I told them about my summer doctor sessions for everyone, regardless of who it was.

So they understand that now at least. However, I can't believe just how serious a lot of this is getting. Three of the seven HAs want to go home, they hate the experience they are having here. Three weeks from now, one of the other four leaves. People are crying and not coping. I mean I was well aware how work wise how slack they are, but I think this problem they all have with each other has reached a point where its impacting working as a team beyond repair. It's also spreading into their personal lives with each other as well. Its insane.

For the most part I was the voice of reason as always and I firmly believe we need to lock them all in a room and let them almost verbally kill each other because it's going to pop otherwise. Seriously, it's insane. And it has become a serious matter. We've country divides and country wars, like literally in a way that is spiteful and unlike anything I have seen before and never something I thought I would see here. Comments which started as playful banter now have meaning behind them. I need to go sit down with Janet tomorrow and fill her in on a few things. Good grief!

Okay, let me leave the HAs alone now. Sorry. Moving on.

So how has you day been?!! Oh you know I was kind of pissed about working in the kitchen on the anniversary right. I still have a bit of resentment over that. Well today the staff tshirts arrived. When I left they were going to be a light blue or light pink. I would have liked the blue better but could also deal with the pink. They arrived and they changed minds at the last moment so the staff shirts are now like a bright raspberry pink. I am not impressed and I have to wear it. Not happy at all. I feel like sulking. This anniversary was supposed to be fun, not only do I get jibbed and have to work in the kitchen and miss most of it, I now also have to wear a bright pink tshirt. Grr.

Now I am complaining again. How about I take a breather and come back to write you again. I think I might do that.

Me